Today, my fiancé and I were having sex. I've been secretly taking Welsh lessons as a surprise for him, so when I was getting close, I whispered the Welsh for "Don't stop." He pulled out and accused me of cheating on him with his best friend. He won't believe anything else. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML
Today, while trying to be sexy for my fiancé by going to change his background photo to a naughty pic of myself, I found out he's been actively cheating on me. For almost a year, with multiple women. When confronted, he tried telling how hard me finding out was for HIM. FML
Today, I caught my boyfriend of two years cheating on me. Instead of the usual excuses, he panicked and claimed he was my boyfriend's long-lost twin brother. He even tried to put on a fake accent. FML
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML
Today, I showed up at my boyfriend's work to surprise him by speaking in Spanish, his first language. I've been taking classes secretly. He smiled, kissed me, and then finished telling his friend, in Spanish, that I'm boring and ugly but he's got nothing better going on. FML
Today, I decided to put on some sexy lingerie and wait for my husband to come home to surprise him. He took one look at me and immediately accused me of cheating. He was convinced my explanation was a lie and that I'd rushed some guy out the back door when he came home. FML
Today, I had sex with a guy I've liked for ages. We were lying in his bed afterwards, and he mumbled the word "happy". I thought it was really sweet, until he repeated himself. "My girlfriend probably won't be too happy about this." FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend if he had any secret sexual fantasies and promised that I wouldn't judge him, hoping to scratch my kinky itch. He looked at me wide-eyed, yelled, "IT'S A TRAP!!" and literally sprinted out of the room. FML
Today, I was having sex with the guy I've been in love with for years. I moaned, "say my name." He didn't know it. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
The most logical explanation is usually the right one. Here, the most logical explanation is obviously that you've been hearing his best friend scream "DON'T STOP!" as you're schtupping him.
immaMonsta 8
I'm sorry he was so quick to accuse you OP. Maybe you should prove to him that you've been taking these lessons by taking him to a session with you or something?
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Comments (122)
Pandamonia88 9
Maybe you forgot to pronounce your DDs as ffthh and your LLs as chlll and accidentally told him he's 'not as good as [Gareth|Dai|Bryn]'?
FabulousToaster 16
This is like accents in Spanish. 'Mi papá tiene 47 años' = 'My dad is 47 years old.' 'Mi papa tiene 47 anos'= My potato has 47 anuses. Which one do you want to put on a résumé?
Demonfish 14
35 is not wrong...
FalconWhitaker 20
... but... what... how would he even come to that conclusion?!! I'm just so confused.
marcmcclelland 2
Back to the sheep for him it seems!
Isa_fml 20
Oh, lord, what a moron. I'm sorry you have to put up with this idiot, OP. Hope you get it worked out. Hope it's worth working out... :P
katie887 2
He wants out and that's just an excuse. Dump him if he won't believe you, don't try too hard.
SaveCowEatCarrot 14
FINALLY, SOMEBODY ELSE WHO LIVES IN WALES!!! By the way, you did say "stopio dim", didn't you?
88vivera 9
He's stupid
NotARussianSpy 5
Dump him, find someone less paranoid and/or stupid, FYL, etc. Unless, of course, you actually did cheat on him (unlikely, but still possible), in which case, YDI, go **** yourself, etc.
TonyRuckus 5
thats f(?