Today, I helped an older guy with his safe deposit box. He said it was perfect for holding his ex-wife's remains and laughed. I laughed because I thought he was kidding. He wasn't. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, at the bank where I work, I escorted a very short woman to her safe deposit box in the vault. I left her alone, knowing she could use the phone to call the reception when she was ready to leave. We later realised the phone was too high for her to reach. If glares could kill… FML
Today, an elderly man came into my place of work wearing a nice suit. I commented, saying said he looked nice and asked what the special occasion was. He was going to a funeral. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me if I'd help clean out his ex-girlfriend's closet. I found their wedding photos. FML
Today, at the funeral home where I work, I asked my boss if it was time to "bring out the stiff". I didn't realize the guy's family was not only in the building, but within earshot as well. FML
Today, while at work, I asked an older customer how he was doing. He told me that he'd just lost his wife. I gave my condolences before he clarified that his wife was not dead, but was lost in Walmart. FML
Today, I went over to a guy's house for dinner. He ended up getting really drunk and started crying, telling me that I reminded him of his dead ferret. Distraught, he tearfully showed me her ashes. FML
Today, my former boss, a landlord, came through on his "parting gift" to me. I thought he was joking when he said he'd send a deranged tenant of ours cross-country by bus to stay with me for a week. It wasn't a joke. Send help. FML
Today, while having lunch with my grandparents, my grandpa's eyes glazed over, his head fell and he slumped in his chair. I started panicking and almost cried, thinking he was dead. Then he laughed and said "Just kidding. I'm fine." FML
Today, my friend told me he had just robbed a bank and needed a place to hide. Thinking he was joking, I let him in so we could hang out. Fifteen minutes later, the cops storm into my apartment. Now I'm an accomplice in a crime I thought was a joke. FML
Today, my boss fired me because of the way I laugh. Apparently it reminds him too much of his ex-wife's laugh. I'm a guy. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Allie614032 34
Was he saying ex-wife because she's dead? Or was he still the only one in her will, even after they split? And even so, assuming her remains are ashes (because that's really creepy otherwise), why would he keep them in a safety deposit box??? I have so many questions.
Glowworm56 27
Well aren't the burglars going to be in for a surprise when they try to rob it!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (8)
Allie614032 34
Was he saying ex-wife because she's dead? Or was he still the only one in her will, even after they split? And even so, assuming her remains are ashes (because that's really creepy otherwise), why would he keep them in a safety deposit box??? I have so many questions.
Glowworm56 27
Well aren't the burglars going to be in for a surprise when they try to rob it!
RichardPencil 32
See? You assumed! We all know what happens when we ASSUME: You make an ASH out of U and ME*. *if you say it the British way.
Charlie Given 28
I thought the same thing but with Sean Connery's accent
RichardPencil 32
We’re hoping it’s just ashes. It could be body parts — gulp!
WHSKitty4ever 23
And it didn’t occur to you that he was serious?
Kristoffer 35
Need not information in order to conclude that there's something wrong here.