Today, my mum told me I should see a therapist when she saw me wipe down a remote before using it. My dad has a knack for blowing his nose into his hand and wiping it on his pants, and my mum is the kind to pick up food residue from the drain and eat it - but sure, I'M the one with bad habits. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was formally diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive tendencies. My mom saw this as an excuse to make me clean the whole house top to bottom, because "Hey, you love to clean." FML
Today, my step-mom asked if I was having some eating issues. I admitted that maybe I've picked up some bad habits from friends and school. Now she won't stop bombarding me with self-help books and therapy websites. FML
Today, my mother made me see the doctor to see if I had irritable bowel syndrome, on the account of how often I go to the restroom. I then had to admit I only go in there to get away from my family. My doctor thought it was hilarious. My mom didn't. FML
Today, my mom called to tell me that I needed to clean the side of her couch. Why? Because someone picked their nose and wiped snot all on the side of it. She thinks it was me because I sat there last. It wasn't me. I don't even live there, but I have two teenage siblings that blame everything on me. FML
Today, my parents kept overreacting over stupid stuff during dinner. I found a hair in a dish, so I removed it myself. My mom goes, "Is that a hair? Is it?! I'll get rid of it!" I told her that I'd already done it myself. Then, because I bit my nail once, my dad constantly kept asking if I was OK, even though I'd said I was. He wouldn't stop! FML
Today, my mother guilted me into going with her to have lunch with my eldest brother. He showed up having obviously not showered, with filthy clothes, and the stench of rotten teeth on his breath. She criticises me for every little thing, but makes excuses for him being a jobless slob for 20 years. FML
Today, my mom's obsession with cleanliness hit a new low when she bitched at me for having trash in my trash can. FML
Today, as always, my parents wait until I go into the kitchen to drop what they’re doing, rush into the kitchen, and stare at me while I’m making food. They also comment on what I’m eating. I’ve had seven therapists and none of them were able to help me with my embarrassment surrounding food. FML
Today, I asked my mother if we could test me for OCD, since so many people have suggested to me that I might have it. She smiles at me and says, "No, honey, you're just really really weird." FML
Today, I witnessed my dad rummage through his nostrils, thoughtfully examine the contents, and flick them nonchalantly onto the carpet. All of this he did with the biggest demented grin on his face. Sadly, this has become a regular occurrence. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
alternative-facts 6
OP, your comment about your mom eating food residue from the drain made me throw up a little in my mouth. You don't need a therapist, you need a supersize box of latex gloves that you never take off. And cleaning supplies. Lots of cleaning supplies.
misspandamonium 27
I have never been more horrified by a family's hygiene than I am right now, OP. It's time to bathe everything in the house in straight bleach, and burn what you don't need.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (25)
izzibelle 8
Well, it's not like I needed lunch today anyway.... Eww.
JamJamz 6
That part about your mom eating food from the drain almost made me puke. That's one of the grossest things I've ever heard. Who the **** does that. Like ewww
caliguy08 17
Omg your mom is gross
stacey_maee 7
OMGG, literally baby barfing at the thought of someone eating soggy, drain food!!
zr11990 8
That is disgusting
brenton490 19
I think the therapist is to let you vent out your discuss about your folks that you have and maybe block away daily memories that you deal with.
xbaconator9000x 16
Congratulations. I have never been so disgusted! You win! FYL indeed.
hellpop 22
If I ever feel hungry and I don't have time for food, I just read about your mom and I'm not so hungry anymore OP...
dracolich 27
I'm the kind of person who watches cyst removals while eating just fine but this just made me gag. **** your life OP.