Today, I went on a first date with a guy. It’s a little awkward so I went to the bathroom to do two bumps of coke, came back to the table, and realized it was ketamine. I didn’t tell him, but I was so fucked up, he offered to get me an Uber home but I told him I called my mom to pick me up instead. He left and unmatched me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went on a first date with a guy I really hit it off with. Then he admitted that he was a recovering heroin addict and had to cut our date short to go to the methadone clinic. When I got home, I realized that my wallet was missing $40. I think he lied about the "recovering" part. FML
Today, I went on a first date. He got so drunk he forgot what he ordered to eat ten minutes after ordering. He also had to text me later to ask if we kissed, because he couldn’t remember. FML
Today, I had a first date. We really hit it off and wound up watching movies together and talking late into the night. I ignored a developing migraine all night, then tried to leave hurriedly when it got bad. He stalled me leaving by asking what's wrong. I started vomiting. FML
Today, I had one of the worst first dates of my life. After leaving the restaurant early, we went to a party to try and salvage the night. My date then got wasted, ended up puking in the back seat of my car on the way home, then lied about it. My night ended with me cleaning vomit out of my car. FML
Today, I took a Tinder date home. Before we got down to sexy time, he used the restroom. While there, he was Googling what Lamotrigine was, which was from my prescription bottle to treat my bipolar disorder. He left because, “I don’t do crazy bitches.” This always happens when I disclose this. I give up on dating. FML
Today, at the movies on a date, I drank all my soda and waited too long. I couldn't take it anymore and quickly got up, knocking my date's popcorn on the floor, and ran to the bathroom. I didn’t make it and went home in shame. It’s better he thinks I stood him up. FML
Today, I paid for my man to get a massage while we were on vacation. The hour passes and he wasn't answering his phone or texts. I go to the room and he’s just getting out of the shower. I come to find out she is high on ketamine, and he said they kissed. He still denies it. This is what I get for getting him a massage. FML
Today, I went on a first date with a guy I met online. Not only was he boring, he twice excused himself to go to the bathroom and both times he came back smelling of weed. FML
Today, I got into an Uber, excited for the date I was going to. After about 20 minutes, I had a confused conversation with the driver, because it seemed like we were going to the wrong address. I checked the app, I'd booked a ride to my ex’s place out of habit. FML
Today, I went on a date to the movies with this guy I kinda like. When he was driving me home, he asked me to be his girlfriend; I said I couldn’t because it was really bad timing. He kicked me out of the car, called me an asshole, and made me walk home. FML
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Top comments
core01 30
Your life is headed toward train-wreck-ville
copalolita 16
Go to rehab or something. No decent guy wants a drug addicted junkie. YDI
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Comments (13)
copalolita 16
Go to rehab or something. No decent guy wants a drug addicted junkie. YDI
idragosani 17
Don't do drugs, cuz drugs are bad, MMMkay?
core01 30
Your life is headed toward train-wreck-ville
JuneBleeds4 20
This might be a good time to re-evaluate things and get help if you need it.
anony_mouse 5
You carry both coke and k so often that you forget which bag you have on you? And you do two bumps in secret in a first date because "it's a little awkward?" You have a serious drug problem, seek help.
anony_mouse 5
*on a first date
JackWood 21
This is a FHL. I've went on so many bad dates i feel for this dude.
Ideal_Needle 20
It sounds like this dude dodged a massive bullet
soundsfakebutok 10
you’re disgusting
BurnInDemonFire 39
The **** is wrong with you? Have a shot of vodka like a normal person, you stupid bastard.