Today, my friend casually asked if she could “gift” me to her husband for his birthday threesome. I told her she was being rude, and made me feel cheap and objectified. She scoffed and said, "What’s the big deal? Aren’t all you bi chicks into that anyway?” No. No I’m not. So much for friendship. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my lesbian best friend told me she might be bi and wanted to try sex with a guy she trusts, AKA me. She eventually convinced me, but after we'd had 'weird best friend sex' she decided she’s a lesbian after all, and I “took advantage of her temporary confusion,” so we’re not friends anymore. WTF? FML
Today, my girlfriend asked me what I wanted for my birthday. Apparently “A threesome” is not the appropriate answer. FML
Today, after getting sick of my boyfriend pestering me for a threesome, I invited a male friend over. My boyfriend strongly declined, because, "Hell no, I ain’t gay." So this man expects me to be a lesbian, but him being gay is a problem. FML
Today, after almost a year of having threesomes with my “best friend” and her husband, they both confessed that neither of them actually even like me. They just went along with it because they thought it’s what the other wanted. Now they won’t even talk to me. FML
Today, my friend told me she managed to have sex with the guy who told me he didn’t wanna date me, or even become friends with benefits, because it would “ruin our friendship.” They’ve been friends for about two years. Apparently, her friendship with him is worth “ruining.” FML
Today, I found out from my best friend’s text log that my friend group has been discussing doing swinger stuff, and they deliberately excluded my wife and I. When pressed, my former best friend said no one wanted to see us naked. FML
Today, my girlfriend offered me a threesome with her best friend. Sounds like every guy’s dream, except I find her friend so absolutely fucking repulsive that I’d rather go piranha fishing with a steak wrapped around my dick then put it anywhere near her. FML
Today, my girlfriend's best friend started coming on to me. I was appalled, and told her she was a terrible friend. My girlfriend jumped out of nowhere and started crying. Apparently, her kink is watching her best friend and boyfriend fuck, and she's now mad I didn't go for it. What the fuck? FML
Today, I had to have a very difficult and awkward conversation with my best friend about her fiancé hitting on me. She seemed completely unfazed and ended up admitting that a three-way with me was actually her idea, but she didn't want to "weird me out" by asking me about it. FML
Today, my best friend confessed to me that she's a lesbian. She quickly added, "Oh, don't worry, I don't like you. You're not attractive." FML
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Top comments
Plop 17
Wait, being bi doesn't mean you're a raging, promiscuous, sex-crazed maniac? You should've asked her if her biggest fantasy involved getting rawdogged by 2 guys at once. After all, she's straight, therefore she must be craving dicks twice as much as you do, and where you can be satisfied with one guy, she must need two. I mean, by her own retarded logic that is.... But yeah, biphobia sucks ass. On the plus side, you're now rid of one colossal moron of a "friend".
RichardPencil 32
Why are you so stuck-up? She wasn't asking you to be in some sleazy threesome -- it was a *birthday* threesome! That's a special honor.
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Comments (5)
Plop 17
Wait, being bi doesn't mean you're a raging, promiscuous, sex-crazed maniac? You should've asked her if her biggest fantasy involved getting rawdogged by 2 guys at once. After all, she's straight, therefore she must be craving dicks twice as much as you do, and where you can be satisfied with one guy, she must need two. I mean, by her own retarded logic that is.... But yeah, biphobia sucks ass. On the plus side, you're now rid of one colossal moron of a "friend".
Plop 17
You do realize it doesn't have to be medical grade, put in a straitjacket and fed horse tranquilizer batshit insane to be a phobia. And while yes, the Greek root of phobia means fear, it's also commonly used to refer to hate, and by extension hateful prejudice. As we all know, fear leads to anger … anger leads to hate. And I'm pretty sure how OP's friend seems to think bi women are sex crazed maniacs that can just be "gifted" as some sort of sex toy, well, that seems like a pretty solid example of hateful prejudice to me. But maybe not to you, I guess?
RichardPencil 32
Why are you so stuck-up? She wasn't asking you to be in some sleazy threesome -- it was a *birthday* threesome! That's a special honor.
Plop 17
Those involve tiaras, capes and fancy wigs. That's how you know they're special.
Mike Baird 5
did you say yes?
DanielleinDC 34
There's a right way to ask if someone wants to be part of a threesome and a wrong way, and this friend went about it the wrong way.
DarkJester200278 1
Well you know the saying "Get your end in, get your friend in"