Today, my son brought home a girlfriend who actually talks like Vicky Pollard from Little Britain. I simply couldn’t take her seriously, or even understand what she was talking about. This has to be a prank. In fact, it better be because it’s not funny. My son's an idiot. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my daughter was acting strange. When she wasn’t muttering in some strange language, she was talking about invisible people coming to get me. Terrified, I called my boyfriend. Turns out he taught her that as a prank. He knows I’m afraid of anything supernatural. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend home to meet my parents. They thought it'd be hilarious to put on ridiculous accents and act like country hicks, spewing obscenities and strongly hinting that we're into incest. She soon left in disgust. I haven't heard back from her since. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. Within minutes, they said I needed to leave. Their reason? Apparently, I was mocking her dad's speech impediment. I also have one but they wouldn't believe me. FML
Today, I was sitting on the couch watching TV when I felt something crack on my head. My 6 year-old son had just smashed an egg into my hair. When I asked why, he said, "Mom does it for TikTok." This is how I found out that my wife has been "pranking" him for likes, and thinks it's hilarious. FML
Today, I met my son's girlfriend and I’m convinced he’s lost his damn mind. She was rude, racist and offensive, grossly obese, absolutely stank of unwashed body odour, her clothes were filthy, and she dropped cigarette ash everywhere she felt like it. I’m stunned, completely stunned. FML
Today, I was listening to my son's teacher gossip about students whilst in the grocery store. I was thrilled when she described my son as "A model student". However, she then went on to say, "Which is surprising considering that his parents are trailer trash." FML
Today, I spent yet another lunch venting to my best friend about how much I hate my teenage son's girlfriend, thinking he should be with someone less outspoken. Apparently she got tired of listening because she eventually snapped, "Oh for god's sake, just admit you want to fuck your son already!" and left. FML
Today, I told my 21 year-old son he either has to break up with his girlfriend, who fills his head with lies about me, or I'd stop speaking to him. He laughed and said he'd fine with us not speaking ever again. FML
Today, my stepdaughter called me "Dad" for the first time. It was quite an emotional moment, until I realised she was just recording my reaction for a stupid TikTok, and didn’t really mean it. She’s pulled some pranks before, but this time I’m done with her, she can fuck right off from now on. FML
Today, my wife blames me for our son having a “posh” accent, because she thinks he’ll be bullied at school. I’m a Yorkshireman and use “ey up”, “ow do” , “pillock” and “arse” in everyday conversation, whereas my wife was raised in Oxford, I doubt I’m the one making our son sound posh. FML
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Top comments
Chazzster 32
One thing I learned a long time ago - Don’t get too excited about your children’s GF/BF. If you act like you love them they will eventually drop them. If you hate them or speak ill of them they could be drawn closer to them… Most relationships don’t last, don’t sweat it. In any case they are the one that has to be around them, not you.
Nico Noppe 10
Vicky Pollard starts every sentence with "yeah but, no but, yeah but..." and then goes on a tangent that doesn't really makes sense or has anything to do with the situation at hand.
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Comments (5)
Thaylok 17
As I'm not familiar with that character, I will assume she talks like a baby all the time. I do know someone like that and I go out of my way to avoid her as she doesn't see why people won't take her seriously. I feel for ya. Confront your son and let him know that his life will be much harder if he sticks with someone who will not speak properly and how it reflects on his chances to get better jobs as networking between families of the management is a thing and that will prevent their inclusion.
Nico Noppe 10
Vicky Pollard starts every sentence with "yeah but, no but, yeah but..." and then goes on a tangent that doesn't really makes sense or has anything to do with the situation at hand.
Thaylok 17
See, I'm not familiar with that character. Most Def annoying. Quick turn off for building friendships.
Chazzster 32
One thing I learned a long time ago - Don’t get too excited about your children’s GF/BF. If you act like you love them they will eventually drop them. If you hate them or speak ill of them they could be drawn closer to them… Most relationships don’t last, don’t sweat it. In any case they are the one that has to be around them, not you.
historygrad74 19
That's funny! I'm American and very familiar with Little Britain, but sure not many are.
Shzusuziq11 12
I had to Google who Vicki Pollard is. She is played by a man. Your son's girlfriend sounds like a man?