Your everyday life stories

Anon2000 - 18/02/2020 04:10

Today, I awoke bursting for a wee. I crept to the bathroom & lifted the toilet lid. Little did I know, I hadn’t lifted it enough to counteract the ‘auto close’. It closed as I sat too pee. My pee splashed back all over me. And my floor. Im a girl. Mopping the floor at 3am. After showing. FML

- 18/02/2020 01:38

Today I found out that my coworkers get more Tips than me. I do alot of work (including theirs) except writing down what food the people want. I sit them, I get food for them, I get their bill set, run register, and clean the floors. so I have 10$ today while my coworker has a whopping 127$. FML

- 18/02/2020 01:22

today I went to the ER-I had to wait 5+ hours just to be seen. when I first arrived they asked me to do a pee test- so I said "sure whatever". fast forward to now- they dont know where my pee is, didn't receive it, and I'm concerned someone stole my piss for some unknown reason.

"hoodedwolf" - 17/02/2020 21:05

so I'm part of a school program that does a lot of stuff after school. Today it's pizza and a movie. well the pizza went right through me and I'm now stinking up the movie theater bathroom because I got the runs.

Anonymous - 17/02/2020 21:03

I got bootycalled and showed up, only to be told that he was joking and didn’t actually bootycall me.

Anonymous - 17/02/2020 09:18

Today, I remember when I used to be severely depressed for two years over my ex Filipino girlfriend after she rejected me a few years ago. I lost my self-worth and dignity back then. But.. it wasn't worth it being so depressed now that I see that she actually ended up being with a white ****. FML ?

yikers - 17/02/2020 00:11

Today, I went out of town on a date with my husband to celebrate my extra large paycheck from all of my overtime at work. I rear ended a car. It was my sister. Goodbye overtime pay, hello deductible and family drama. FML

hannieannie - 16/02/2020 23:34

Today, whilst lying in bed, I dropped my phone on my head so hard that it produced a lump and I gave myself concussion! Fml

"lovelyhippos" - 16/02/2020 23:19

Today, I read so many horribly written FML posts that got through moderates that I wanted to gouge my eyes out. FML

j - 16/02/2020 23:12

Today the guy watching my 4 year olds cat told me he gave it away a few weeks ago. I’ve been telling her we were going to pick it up next weekend. FML

LPS8585 - 16/02/2020 16:34 - United States - Detroit

Today, I had special coffee beans ordered and delivered, a nice valentines dinner made and the house nice and clean. My husband brought me a piece of pie for Valentine’s Day. FML

Anonymous - 16/02/2020 18:34 - United Kingdom

Today my bf saw a guy kick his dog so hard we heard the ribs broke so my bf went and kicked the guys ass before citizen arresting him. When cops arrived the useless pricks arrested my bf for assault and let the other guy go home with his abused dog. UK justice is broke af FML

Anonymous - 16/02/2020 12:32

Today, I was sending a meme about being single to a group of single friends the night before valentines day. I accidentally sent it to a house mate who had broken up with their bf a few days earlier because he had punched her in the face and tasered her FML

- 16/02/2020 05:31 - United States - Dearborn

I work with my boss's son's girlfriend and a mutual friend of ours. The friend likes me, I like my boss's son.. I love the girlfriend, she's a good friend. i can't say anything. FML

Sady_Ct - 16/02/2020 09:56

Today I realised that the FML team are trying to get rid of long time members, by posting crappy and badly written FMLS. There goes my daily ritual of sitting on the shitter and laughing at all the dumb shit other people have to go through. FML

- 16/02/2020 03:31

the guy that I slept with two months ago, who I've known all my life and use to introduce me as his future wife and who also "forgot" to tell me he had a girlfriend, block me and deleted me from everything after I told him I was pregnant

Anon2000 - 16/02/2020 03:14

Today my husband was on the early shift. I woke to a loud, smelly fart & him laying there, looking at me startled. His shift got changed to the late shift. ( Although I have IBS, I’m proud to say that was the 1st time in 12 years I’ve ‘knowingly’ passed wind in front of him). FML

Anon2000 - 16/02/2020 03:05

Today,my hands were full leaving the hs,my cats toy was downstairs so I threw it up.Picked up the handle & figured the end of the elastic could fling back & hit me, so picked up both ends. Threw it upstairs just for the elastic to get caught on what I was holding & the handle hit me in the face. FML

- 16/02/2020 00:45

Today.. I realised that 3 of my closest friends, all of whom I introduced to each other, are hanging out all the time.. None have visited or talked to me in months and I spend all my time alone.\nI feel like since I brought all my friends together it left me with none... FML

Anon2000 - 15/02/2020 20:29

Today, I tried to zoom in on a photo in an article I was reading. I was reading a magazine. FML.

Anonymous - 15/02/2020 17:03

Today, after my girlfriend of almost 5 years graciously offered me her $8000 inheritance to fix my credit she informed me that she blew it all 8 months ago...FML

"zaid spade" - 15/02/2020 13:22 - South Africa - Johannesburg

I had my 1st threesome with a married couple. Everything was going good till me and his wife went 69 with me at the bottom. Husband came in from behind I could not move so for the next 20min his balls was hitting my forehead

- 15/02/2020 10:30

Today I got a Valentine for the girl I've been crushing on for longer than I should be made plans to meet up to give it to her , she blew me off to go out to the bars and even better messages me well after midnight. like a fool I replied haven't gotten anything back ?....FML

Anonymous - 14/02/2020 22:34 - Canada - Edmonton

So, I took this girl out for Valentines, we’ve been hanging out and going on dates for months. I finally got the courage to ask her out and she said that she wasn’t ready for a relationship.

Anonymous - 15/02/2020 04:09

Today, after years of never having any friends or acquaintances, I finally hung out with one of my coworkers. When she said I was a lot of fun to be around, I got so choked up I couldn't talk and started sobbing. Now she thinks I'm a psycho. FML

Anonymous - 15/02/2020 03:10

Had an horrible night out with gf and her girls last night. Gf left her phone in my car. I went throu it. Saw my NUDES in another dudes Snapchat, making fun of me. Gf of 5 months. Gonna break up with her tonight when she gets out of work on valentines... fml

Anonymous - 15/02/2020 00:21

Took my burger to the gate in a paper bag, only to fall through the wet bag’s bottom at the gate: FML

Took my burger to the gate in a paper bag, only to fall through the wet bag’s bottom at the gate: FML - 15/02/2020 00:21

Took my burger to the gate in a paper bag, only to fall through the wet bag’s bottom at the gate: FML

mrfranchize - 14/02/2020 23:42

Today is Valentines Day and this girl I really like was supposed to come over. I put rose petals on the floor, bought a big teddy bear long stem white and red roses had candles burning the whole nine yards and she stood me up after making excuse after excuse saying “I’m almost there love”. FML.

"El Sayer" - 14/02/2020 20:11

Today is the first weekend since, and I get to see my son. Except my wife has moved to Texas. I'm in WA. I don't drive. I have a fear of flying.. Let's do this..

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, my husband woke up with the first boner he’s had in almost 6 years. He yelled for me to join him so we could have sex again like the old days, but by the time I was finished on the toilet and raced to get to him with my pants still round my ankles, he'd gone soft. We’re only in our 30s. FML

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Today, I was trying to make a good impression with my fiancé's friends. After a few hours, I thought all was going well. As I walked to the washroom, I heard, "So what disability does she have? No one can be like that without something wrong in their brain." FML

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Today, I was supposed to be enjoying a long-anticipated, desperately needed, weekend away. Turns out those "little stomach twinges" were actually symptoms of appendicitis. I'm stuck in the hospital, alone, recovering from surgery, while my family is enjoying our non-refundable break. FML

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Today, I gave my sister some Lubriderm for a skin condition we share. While she was applying the lotion I joking said, "Wouldn't it be funny if it made it worse?" Guess who got punched in the face, twice, because it did. FML

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Today, I came home from work to find the lock to my bike busted and my bike stolen. The worst part was a nicer bike was sitting right next to it without a lock. FML

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Today, there's a campaign in my country advertising natural dog food. Apparently, nobody amongst the creators speaks English. How do I know? The hashtag they came up with is #SimplyBarf. FML

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