Your everyday life stories

- 07/02/2020 03:21

Today, I was giving my crush of 5 years a lift. While we were driving I asked him to get my sunglasses from the console. What he produced was my tube of Vagasil instead with a look of surprise and disgust. Now whenever I see him he asks "Hows your Vag? taking better care of it I hope" FML

jamielouwho - 06/02/2020 19:30 - United States - Brookville

Today, my coworker who does nothing but the minimal amount of work and is always on her phone got recognition from my general manager for “making the new hires feel welcome”. I’ve worked there for 6 years and bust my rear all day but I get scheduled crap hours and get treated like dog crap. FML

- 07/02/2020 01:08

today I found out my gf had lied to me about her job role for years. I asked why? because then I will buy her more stuff and pay more often.

- 07/02/2020 01:05

today my gf of 4 years told me I'm her favourite guy to sleep with and hasn't seen any of the others for a few weeks now

Anonymous - 06/02/2020 23:50

Today my gf wanted to go camping. We got there. Then asked where the hotel is and broke up with me for not booking anything.. FML

Anonymous - 06/02/2020 16:49 - United States - Saint Paul

Today my gf said she missed how her ex cuddled her and made her feel like a little panda. Not that it matters, but I'm twice his size and athletic.. FML

Anonymous - 06/02/2020 16:47 - United States - Saint Paul

Today my gf finished and climbed off and said it's bed time and i need to turn around and go to sleep.... FML

Winter99 - 07/02/2020 00:26 - Israel

Today, I was sitting at a bar when a guy came up and started hitting on me. I explained nicely that I am a lesbian... I've gotten used to guys not believing me, I've heard "maybe you haven't had the right guy" or stuff like that many times, but this guy just pulled down his pants to show his hard on. FML.

need new boots! - 06/02/2020 22:05

Today my mom, who outweighs me by 80lbs, destroyed my favorite boots by trying to force her massive calves to fit in them. She reasoned that since we wear the same shoe size the boots should fit just fine. The popped seams and busted heels seem to disagree. Fml

"dumbass" - 06/02/2020 08:29

Bruh today I walked into my class wearing some cute ass yellow and black checkered pants then my professor decides to say " You look like a bumble bee " I said "you look like a boomer" ?? FML

Anonymous - 06/02/2020 08:13

Today I caught my boyfriend having sex with my mother. Rather than being ashamed or sorry he asked if we could have a threesome. EW. Then my dad got home, saw what was going on, beat up my (now ex) boyfriend and told mom he wants a divorce. So yeah, it’s been an emotional morning so far FML

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Anonymous - 05/02/2020 22:04

I've liked this guy I'm friends with for a while now, but I'm too scared to say anything. Yesterday while on Grindr, to my surprise, I saw that he had messaged me. I got all excited, just for it to be a picture of him flipping me off. FML

Anonymous - 03/02/2020 21:27

Today, I sneezed so violently at work that I simultaneously farted loudly and almost crapped my pants. FML.

Alwaysrandom - 03/02/2020 02:53

Today, I had bought a cheesecake for me and my boyfriend to share. I put it in the microwave because it was frozen, 5 seconds in the cheesecake starter burning. Not only was the cheesecake ruined, but also my microwave. I can’t afford buying a new one. FML.

imgabella - 03/02/2020 02:31 - South Africa

Today while drunk my boyfriend asked me to give him a blowjob. I agreed but ended up puking on his dick. Now I’m single. FML

Anonymous - 02/02/2020 15:22

Today, my sister found out that balls are the male weak spot after she seen someone get kicked there. She told me today. FML

courtney_jones2910 - 02/02/2020 08:30

Today my child decide to hid the tv remote in the bin. After looking for an hour we finally found it in the bin. Underneath the fruit I had just thrown out. FML

"Lennie Mcfish" - 01/02/2020 21:22

Today, me and my mom got into an argument. She started cursing at me and calling me out of my name. I told her don't do that to me because she wouldn't like it I did that to her. She kicked me out and I'm now at a homeless shelter. FML

get me outta here!! - 31/01/2020 07:15 - United States - Monterey Park

Today we visited my mother in law’s house for the first time. Turns out she’s an uncontrolled hoarder whose house is filled with boxes from ceiling to floor, an innumerable amount of cats and a stench that could gag a maggot. I was told I was rude for refusing any food or drink offered to me. Fml

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Anonymous - 31/01/2020 13:26

I deleted my Facebook but last night I had a feeling I should download it to snoop on my baby dad and found out he’s hearting and commenting on a girls post that he talked to and sent dick pics to while I was pregnant and we were together. Which he did more than once.

"littl3storm" - 31/01/2020 11:20

Today, my boyfriend came to visit me after not spending alone time together due to my overbearing best friend. I've been stuck on the toilet the last 3 hours due to an allergic reaction. How romantic. FML

justin2323 - 30/01/2020 01:29

Today, I was writing a blog hard . Then, the Wi-Fi of the PC suddenly became disconnected. All my efforts have disappeared. FML

Anonymous - 29/01/2020 23:37

Today I was going down on my girlfriend. She was busy texting. I asked her what she was doing and she said "I'm texting my ex's he gives me more attention than you." FML

Broken - 29/01/2020 23:07

Today, I found out my gf slept with my brother while I was asleep...fml

Anonymous - 29/01/2020 19:54

Today, i was playing with my dog. I started scratching his back, and he wiggled his rump around. It was cute at first, but i guess he lost control of his anus, because he blew shit all over the living room. The couch and TV were blasted. FML

anon - 29/01/2020 04:29

My bf of one year went overseas in December and got married without telling me. When he got back, he acted like nothing happened and was talking about the weddings he had attended (which was most likely his own). Three days later I found out on insta as he had posted a wedding pic!!! Fml

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- 28/01/2020 14:47

Today, I switched out the batteries in the front door keypad, because my husband had forgot for a few weeks already. A few hours later my husband switched them out for dollar tree batteries. FML

"Amanda G Rich" - 28/01/2020 03:46

Today, I refused to have sex with a jerk of a coworker. Now everyone hates me and talks behind my back because they took his side. FML.

Perry85 - 28/01/2020 02:33

Today, I ended up in the hospital because my girlfriend decided to surprise me with a blowjob while I was frying eggs. I spilled them on her back causing her to bite down. I had to repeatedly hit her in the head with the pan to get her to unlatch. FML

Anonymous - 28/01/2020 08:08 - Australia - Saint Kilda

Today my wife told me that in a drunken state with her girlfriends they decided to play penis size comparisons about their other halves. She then told me that I won the smallest size ...... gee wow how exciting. FML

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I told my boyfriend that I like it when he moans while we're having sex. Unfortunately, he interpreted that as "milk it". The sound is so obnoxious, it's starting to ruin the sex. FML

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Today, I was working in my store. Right around closing, a lady came in to try some things on. I went to the back and when I came out, she was standing in the middle of the room with fluid coming from between her legs. I asked her if she was going into labor. She wasn't. She was peeing. FML

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Today, I came home to my boyfriend emptying his bowels into my aquarium. FML

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Today, a customer tried to order a Zinger burger. I tried to explain that he was at McDonald's and that the Zinger is a KFC burger. He accused me of lying to him and tried to report me to my manager. FML

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Today, I went skiing. On the first run of the day, a little girl came out of nowhere and crashed into me. I was fine, but she was hurt, so I called the ski patrol. She told him that I deliberately hit her, and got me kicked out. I was there for 10 minutes. I paid for all day. FML

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Today, I took a very expensive flight to New York City for a job interview. I waited in my hotel room all day for the phone call to go to my once in a lifetime interview. By noon, I was nervous; eight, I was pissed. Around ten, I realized my phone was still in airplane mode. FML

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