Your everyday life stories

- 29/03/2020 12:33

Today, after telling my sister many times she needed to cut the kittens' claws as they were too sharp, I woke up to a deep scratch right under my eye that now makes me look like an Action Man. FML.

Anonymous - 26/03/2020 19:04

Today, my sister wanted to play football in the garden with me. Thinking she hated football, we kicked the ball around to each other. Next thing I know, she nutmegs me, pulls my shorts down in the process, causing me to fall over, and then to make matters worse, her knee caught me in the nuts. FML.

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Anonymous - 26/03/2020 17:33

Today we learned that our first patient at the psychiatric hospital I work at has tested positive for COVID-19. We're all screwed. FML

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cacheson - 25/03/2020 04:36

Today, because of COVID-19, I’m working from home. I thought it would be nice to get to see more of my husband, but instead he is sleeping most of the hours I’m awake because he “doesn’t feel good” and staying up to play video games and talk with friends all night. FML

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Anonymous - 24/03/2020 19:24

Today, after a little too much wine, I elected to log into my ex boyfriend’s snapchat to do some snooping and laughing. Confirmation text for login sent to his phone. FML.

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KelseNM - 24/03/2020 11:27

Today, after two years of testing and having experimental surgery, I was finally informed that I can wear glasses as my vision has stabilized. I was extremely excited and called my optometrist to set up an appointment. I got the voicemail informing me that they are closed due to the coronavirus. FML

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Kingsley0817 - 24/03/2020 04:45

Today when I was running near the lake. My AirPods fell into the lake with my shaking.FML

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SadWitch - 23/03/2020 06:23

Today, my boyfriend left me. Said I was too draining but couldn't tell me what I was doing wrong. We were together for two years and he was my entire life. My entire life's goal was to be with him until the very end, so now I don't know what to do. I hardly even have any friends to talk about it with. FML.

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"Igor Rakocevic" - 22/03/2020 09:42

Today, my dog needed to go for a walk. Well, we have a curfew at 11pm here, my dog only wants to go out past midnight and prior to that she won't do her business. While walking her past curfew, I was stopped by a cop in my neighborhood and was told to walk back. My dog peed on my new $800 couch, FML

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heartbroken - 22/03/2020 03:03

Today my husband’s ex came clean and admitted that he’s not the biological father of their two kids. Despite the fact that we’ve been involved in the kids lives for years she’s now seeking to terminate all visitation in favor of their “real dad”, a man who just got done serving 10yrs in prison. Fml

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"Kelly Chelan Hansen" - 21/03/2020 05:47

today my 5 year and the neighbor kid were taking turns putting their mouth on a recorder. covid-19 here we come. fml

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amy - 21/03/2020 05:05

Today, my four-year-old daughter informed me she wants to be a boy. Why? So she won’t have to have kids. FML

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- 21/03/2020 02:46

Today after helping my mom run errands all day I had the unfortunate pleasure of hearing her and her boyfriend have loud sex. I am 33 and she lives with me.

clover1983 - 20/03/2020 14:18

Today, I found out that my boyfriend cheated. Again. Except now I can’t leave or anything cause I’m broke thanks to the restaurant industry going to shit. I’m trapped in the house with a liar and a cheat. FML

s.k.y - 19/03/2020 23:35

Today, this corona shit has gone too far. if I spend one more day with my parents I'm going to kill myself! FML

s.k.y - 19/03/2020 23:34

Today I found out the guy I really like thinks I'm creepy and annoying. Yet, we have never really had a full conversation before. How tf can he assume, I don't even follow him on instagram and every time I see him its no different. FML

tpshortage - 19/03/2020 11:21

Today is day 3 of the stomach bug going around. I’m literally pooping myself and have absolutely no control. And there’s a toilet paper shortage. FML

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only a tickle - 17/03/2020 14:57

Today I went into gas station to buy a water. While in line I had a tickle in my throat and covered my face as I cleared it In that instance 3 people ran out almost trampling others trying to come in. As I was leaving one man started screaming at me that I just infected everyone I have allergies FML

BurntPorkChops - 17/03/2020 01:32

Today, while sanitizing my hands with sanitize, I decided to sanitize my eye and nose areas too. I almost passed out from the alcohol fumes.. FML

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Anonymous - 16/03/2020 08:06

Today I told my boss I was ill and needed a few days off, he is convinced it’s coronavirus and insists I take the minimum two weeks quarantine. Most of my wage comes from tips, so I’ll barely make it two weeks without starving to death FML

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sydthekid - 16/03/2020 00:46

Today, I walked into the kitchen and told my mother I smelt something horrible. She informed me it was her cooking. FML.

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"carlee" - 15/03/2020 14:59

Today I had to inform my sister she needs to shower more often then once a week with the corona virus going around. she is 30 and we work on Beale Street. FML

StillWaitingForACookie - 13/03/2020 05:03

Today, my body felt itchy, so I decided to take a shower, followed by applying hydrocortisone cream to my face and body. It’s been three hours, and my face is more itchier than before. In fact, it’s so itchy that every time I scratch my face, my cat would stare at me and scratch his face. FML

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Bankssy - 12/03/2020 08:30

Today, I lost a bet with my sister, so I had to wear nothing at all besides a diaper and sit in a booster seat of her car, and out of all people my crush walks by and tries her hardest to not burst out laughing, I'm in high school. FML

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"jam" - 10/03/2020 01:58

Today, after two weeks of training my cat to use a new litter box, I did not clean the old one to "force" him to use the new one based on my reading, he pooped the floor next to the old litter box. FML

oneroustornado120 - 09/03/2020 22:47

Today, i found out i wont be able to see my girlfriend for another three months due to corona virus. the problem is she is afraid if they travel she will get it give it to her dad and he has lung problems. Since corona virus is repertory it would probably kill him. FML

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the_catherine - 09/03/2020 22:17

Today, a student came for a trial yoga class. He made me (teacher) and others feel very uneasy; I didn’t want to be judgmental, so I didn’t say anything. He then started stalking me, so I went to the police. Turns out he’s psychotic and thinks he’s in a relationship with me & that we have kids. FML

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- 06/03/2020 13:56

Today, while searching through the ruins of my burned down house (aussie fires), I found a completely unharmed porcelain angel. Thinking it was a sign of good luck I put it in my pocket to show my fam. 4 minutes later it fell out, backflipped out of my pocket and promptly decapitated itself. FML

"donb23" - 06/03/2020 12:03

Today my wife wanted to visit her brother. I explained to her that I am in the process of a 24 hour urine collection for kidney issues. She told me to bring the jug along with me. FML

"J Claire Sanchez" - 06/03/2020 10:41

Today, I found out that I was pregnant. The following day I was told that my grandfather had passed away. We were not able to tell him the good news. FML

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, my boss forbade me from seeing my significant other until they relax the quarantine rules. We live in barracks on the same base. I'm terrified of accidentally running into her. FML

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Today, it's been 2 years of finally being on the right dosage of thyroid medication and going to the gym. I'm now 130lbs down from my heaviest weight. I just received an unprompted invite to be an event model at a local dungeon that only caters to fat fetishists. FML

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Today, I took my 4-year-old son to the bank with me. He asked why we were going, and I explained that I had a couple of checks that they would turn into money. When we got in line, he loudly exclaimed that "Mommy has checks for money!" Except "checks" sounded almost exactly like "sex". FML

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Today, I found a USB stick my husband was hiding. I checked and it had hundreds of pictures of girls from porn sites and Instagram. That wasn’t the issue. Hidden in those pictures was a pic of his ex-girlfriend, with whom he has not been with past 8 years. FML

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Today, after months of incredibly painful stomach cramps, I convinced my mom that I needed to see a doctor. Not even 2 minutes into the exam, the doctor tells me that I'm heavily constipated and advised some "prune juice" to help "clear all that shit out". My mom won't stop laughing at me. FML

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Today, to save money on our vacation, we got a single room with double beds. What a mistake that was. Thanks to our dad's OCD need to stick to his schedule, he got us up at 6 every morning, we had to be in bed by 9:30PM and absolutely no relaxing by the pool, because “we got things to do.” FML

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