Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 13/04/2018 22:44 - United States - Princeton

Today, after work, I couldn't get hold of my girlfriend of 6 years. She messaged me about two hours later telling me that she was at home packing her stuff and leaving. As I was heading home to beg her not to go, the transmission went out of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72

You deserved it 3

By LottieLuna - 13/04/2018 22:18

Today, in English class, we had to write about our crush. I didn’t use his name, but it was obvious who it was. Then she assigned us partners to share our entries with. Mine was my crush. I skipped over descriptions, but I think he knew it was him. He was about my best friend. He used her name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 7

By Anonymous - 13/04/2018 20:27

Today I was at a coffee shop and then I saw this handsome guy sitting near my place, without thinking for a while I took out my phone and secretly tried to take a pic of him, but I didn't know that my flash was on so he and the other people there saw me trying to stalk. It was really awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13

You deserved it 83

By XXX - 13/04/2018 16:23 - United States - Winnebago

Today, I sent my mom a cat GIF while she was at work. After I sent the link, I noticed it the OP's name was "thefingerfuckingfemalefury," a name which was ever-so-helpfully included in the URL. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22

You deserved it 33

By "J215B" - 13/04/2018 10:31

Today, my boyfriend became a boner meme on our college campus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 6

By ewEWEW - 13/04/2018 08:23 - Australia - Saint Lucia

Today, I trimmed my flatmate's hair with clippers. I didn't mind that he was a little bit sweaty, but I did mind when a confluence size dandruff chunk flew up and hit me in the eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50

You deserved it 7

By Anonymous - 12/04/2018 23:14 - United States

Today, I cancelled all my plans to help out a friend at work. He told me about how his night customers were "wild". Later on in the shift, I came acrossed a sweet little old woman who told me she'd take her teeth out just for me and winked. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 147

You deserved it 11

By meranr - 12/04/2018 22:19 - United States - Northville

Today, I received new custom shoes that took a month to deliver and I wore them to school. Then a kid throws his pen and it bursts open and permanently stains my shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 134

You deserved it 13

By Anonymous - 12/04/2018 15:08

Today, I threw out my back because there is this customer that comes to my job every other day. He wanted 90 cases of Poland Spring Water 40 pack, and he just stands there just watching me do it all. He never helps me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 125

You deserved it 18

By LisaFox - 12/04/2018 10:08 - Russian Federation - Moscow

Today, me and my boyfriend were fooling around. He playfully put his hand in my bra when I was on the side and after a couple of seconds he screamed out ‘its empty there’. He couldn’t stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 107

You deserved it 12

By Buzzer - 12/04/2018 08:27 - Canada

Today, I came home to find a swarm of wasps eating a dead mouse on my porch. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 113

You deserved it 6

By "Giraffe18" - 12/04/2018 06:13

Today, I moved a faucet over my pot to fill it up in Culinary class and the thing broke off and showered me with rusty water... what a way to find out that the pipeline was going bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 100

You deserved it 6

By "Muhammad Huzaifa Aleem" - 12/04/2018 05:41

Today, the first day of my new job, the zip of my pants broke. I then had to take an introductory tour of the office where almost everybody kept staring at my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 119

You deserved it 10

By "beckieb" - 12/04/2018 04:16

Today, I found out that even though minimum wage went up on Monday, and all of my staff gets a raise, I don't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 107

You deserved it 15

By mirandapanda007 - 11/04/2018 23:26

Today, I was re-reading a hot conversation I had with my boyfriend last night and saw that my phone auto-corrected to "suck your duck" when I obviously meant "suck your dick". Way to ruin the sexy moment, Apple. He texted me a duck image today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76

You deserved it 42

By Elizabeth Ann - 11/04/2018 22:27

Today my mom brought home some guacamole and chips for me. My brother hated the sound of the chips crunching and complained to my mom. So my mom kicked me out of the house. Now I’m sitting in the backyard with the dog, eating my guacamole and chips. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 116

You deserved it 12

By useless child - 11/04/2018 22:18

Today, while playing with bubble gum with my tongue, I snorted it out my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45

You deserved it 63

By cicigirl1221 - 11/04/2018 20:43 - United States

Today, I forgot I had my grandmothers credit card on my Apple ID. I downloaded Tinder to make a fake profile for my friend and I hit the gold membership. I accidentally charged my grandmother $58.95. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 28

You deserved it 120

By Anonymous - 11/04/2018 17:24

Today I learned it is possible to hate the sound of your own name after I moved in with my girlfriend and now every 5 minutes all I hear is my own name being shouted at me in a high, whiny, nasally voice from the other side of the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 85

By carefulwhatyouwishfor - 11/04/2018 10:13

Today, I went home from work with a terrible flu. A couple hours later explosive stomach virus started. I was sitting on the toilet, simultaneously coughing and spewing my guts, half-delirious from fever, thinking, What else, universe? And then I got the worst menstrual cramps of the last two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 110

You deserved it 8

By Anonymous - 11/04/2018 01:51

Today, I couldn't go to sleep because I keep on thinking and repeating horror movie scenes after a marathon with my sister. As I was finally falling asleep, my dad walked into my room to grab something and I heard the squeaky floor bored so I jumped and punched my dad in the nuts. Guess who's grounded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89

You deserved it 33

By useless child - 11/04/2018 00:55

Today, while switching mattress with my 8 year old sister, my mom noticed a strange stain on mine, my sister proceeded to tell my mom that I did experiments in my bed, my mom thought the worst but in reality I made slime, brownish-red slime. and my sister spilled it all over everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 8

By "DemaraRoyale" - 10/04/2018 23:28

Today my bf and I were running late for our bus and arrived just in time to find out it had been delayed 2 HOURS. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 8

By dysfunctionalmother - 10/04/2018 20:50

Today, my son asked me what a dildo strap was. Although nonplussed, I said I would tell him only if he promised never to repeat it again and also to tell me where he heard it. He said that the boys in his class were "bragging about slapping girls asses with them". He's in the second grade. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 107

You deserved it 7

By It'sOnlyCheatingIfYouGetCaught - 10/04/2018 18:51 - United States - Bellingham

Today, I found out that the google doc me and 30 other students collaborated on for our exam was considered academic dishonesty. I could get kicked out of university because someone else made the doc and I followed along. Of the 30 people, only me and 3 others got in trouble. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 27

By Anonymous - 10/04/2018 18:31

Today, I had to perform two hours of jazz trumpet with the worst stomach ache I have ever had. Afterwards, it got so bad I could barely walk. On my way home, I ended up having explosive diarrhea in a filthy gas station bathroom for about an hour. There wasn't any soap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92

You deserved it 4

By Marshmallow Bitch - 10/04/2018 04:28

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me over text, a week before prom. He already has another date lined up, his partner in English who just recently broke up with her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 106

You deserved it 5

By IngenuityAbsent - 10/04/2018 03:43

Today, I put a glass of apple cider in the microwave and forgot about it, when I returned I discovered I had set it for 10 minutes instead of 1. My microwave is now coated with a fine crispy layer of freshly roasted cider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39

You deserved it 77

By SOL - 10/04/2018 00:18

Today, I got my layoff notice. And a speeding ticket. And my wife just called to say I’m being audited by the IRS. I haven’t even told her about the first two yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89

You deserved it 13

By Em351 - 09/04/2018 22:17 - United States - Towson

Today, I was let go from a job with flexible hours for being 20 min late. I've been here a year and only been late one other time. I was also just offered a promotion on Thursday, I have no idea what changed over the weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 114

You deserved it 10

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Today, I found out that my sex face is definitely amusing after the third girl in a row started laughing at it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 315

You deserved it 8 684

Today, I woke up to a voicemail from my manager saying I had the day off. Excited, I made plans with my friends. A few minutes ago I got a call from my other manager yelling at me for not showing up, and the original manager revealed he had me confused with another girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 808

You deserved it 2 255

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job. As I reached my climax, she thought it would be funny to turn my 'weapon' against me. Boom, headshot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 344

You deserved it 29 289

Today, I heard a girl telling her friend all about her boyfriend, John. They talked about the grocery store that he works at, and that he drives a nice yellow mustang. My boyfriend's name is John, works at that same grocery store, and drives a nice yellow mustang. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 367

You deserved it 3 979

Today, I left my house angrily after arguing over the Super Bowl. I guess karma gets nasty when you wish a member of the opposing team would break his back. I fell down the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 797

You deserved it 6 329

Today, my 79-year-old mom who has Alzheimer's fondly remembered all the wild sex she had with me back in the 1960s. I wasn't born then. She thinks I'm my dad, who died 15 years ago. In all of our conversations now, she talks to me as if she is talking to her husband and some of the talks turn racy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 588

You deserved it 93