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Sex ed failure

By Anonymous - 01/02/2025 19:00

Today, in the heat of losing our virginity, I asked him to “suck my clit, suck my clit, oh god please suck my clit.” He stopped what he was doing and asked me, “What’s a clit?” I almost strangled him. Don’t date boys homeschooled by single mamas, they’ll break your heart. FML

agreeclassic 403

vote type 1 291

Comforting

By imaginationdarling - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Phoenix

Today, I was at my retail job and we had to change the mannequin's outfit. I had to hold her while my manager grabbed the new outfit. I rested my head on her naked plastic chest, and it was the closest I've got to affection in years. FML

agreeclassic 46 776

vote type 1 7 381

Thanks for coming to my TED Talk

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My dad was supposed to take me to get a tattoo, but instead he went to the bar, got drunk, and told me how I was the biggest mistake he and my mom have ever made. FML

agreeclassic 36 216

vote type 1 4 089

So sorry!

By Anonymous - 15/04/2025 15:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I took my dog to the park, and he ran straight into a group of people having a picnic. Naturally, he grabbed the biggest piece of meat in sight and ran off with it. As I chased him, I tripped and fell in front of everyone. My dog then sat and chewed the meat in front of me. FML

agreeclassic 149

vote type 1 572

Bad sign

By TJ AJ RJ / IV the V - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - San Diego

Today, my boss flipped me off in traffic on my way to work. FML

agreeclassic 34 118

vote type 1 4 219

Superhero stuff

By jfc - 18/08/2025 00:00 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, I bumped into the bitchy mean girl who bullied me mercilessly throughout high school, leaving deep emotional scars. When I told my boyfriend who she was, he picked her up, carried her out of the store, and threw her into a puddle. FML

agreeclassic 371

vote type 1 231

Infested

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I learned how my cat's flea medicine works. Instead of killing the fleas, it just makes the fleas move off of the animal. The good news is my cat no longer has fleas. The bad news is, the fleas moved into my bed. FML

agreeclassic 44 662

vote type 1 4 580

Weirdo

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - New Zealand - Napier

Today, a guy asked for my number at the grocery store, but I politely told him I wasn't interested. He followed me home and took a shit on my doorstep. FML

agreeclassic 58 306

vote type 1 7 904

Anger management

By limeiscool - this FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, about to fall asleep, a bug started buzzing behind the screen to my window. Losing my sanity, I punched the screen, forgetting all about the glass. I now have a cracked window and one still annoying bug. FML

agreeclassic 629

vote type 1 2 401

Deal with your own shit

By ToxicFamily - 12/04/2025 03:00 - Germany

Today, I have a painful abscess with a bacterial infection near my bum that makes sitting or walking difficult, and a fever too due to it. The doctor gave me sick note and told me to rest, but my husband shouted at me for taking sick off when I "only" WFH. He also expects me to do house chores the whole day. FML

agreeclassic 502

vote type 1 85

Unacceptable

By Anonymous - 01/07/2025 02:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I found sex tapes on my husband's computer of me and him. Not only have I never done a sex tape, we were doing stuff I’ve never done before. Turns out he got an AI to make them, since I don’t do that stuff for him, he thought the acceptable alternative was to make fakes to wank over. FML

agreeclassic 280

vote type 1 487

Annoyed

By Cammy - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I was pissed off. I kicked a soccer ball into my wall, and it bounced back, hit my head, and knocked me into the wall behind me. My head hurts like hell. Even inanimate objects hate me. FML

agreeclassic 19 472

vote type 1 63 829

Many such cases

By gaga - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - San Jose

Today, after spending about 5 grand on my home studio over the past year, I realized I have no musical talent whatsoever. FML

agreeclassic 9 091

vote type 1 39 494

Fore!

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was skating with my friends when I decided to go to the gas station to get a pack of cigs. The last thing I remember hearing was, "Look out!" I now have twenty stitches because some idiot bet he could throw a brick farther than another guy. FML

agreeclassic 58 448

vote type 1 8 946

Strange stranger

By MandyPanda - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went to a theme party where everyone wore white shirts and brought markers to draw on them. I didn't know many people there but I still went around drawing on people's shirts. After a few hours, someone finally drew on my shirt. They wrote "I'm scary." FML

agreeclassic 42 290

vote type 1 9 275

Sleigh bells

By dude, where's my balls? :( - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Anchorage

Today, my mom and I went to Best Buy for some Christmas shopping. She picked up some presents for me and told me not to look at what she was buying. When we got to the register, she didn't have enough money, and I ended up having to buy my own presents. FML

agreeclassic 40 811

vote type 1 3 469

Stealthy

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, while my boyfriend was sneaking out before my parents awoke, he slipped on some ice and fell on their car. The alarm went off. FML

agreeclassic 17 428

vote type 1 30 267

Rained on

By smellyhand - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, it looked like rain so I held out my hand to catch a raindrop. When I finally caught one, I closed my hand over it and ran to show my friends to prove it was raining. I opened my hand saying, "Look! It's raining!" When I looked down, I saw that I had actually caught a bird shit. FML

agreeclassic 12 941

vote type 1 34 475

Sobering

By happy bday - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, is my 21st birthday. My friends took me to a bar to celebrate, knowing I don't drink. I'm now in charge of driving my friends home after they've had an awesome night. FML

agreeclassic 29 411

vote type 1 9 528

Who's Dusty?

By DumpedPlusSizeGirl - 21/02/2025 14:00 - United States

Today, the dog pulled out a dusty, size M thong from under our bed. I wear a size 3XL, so obviously it wasn’t mine. Only my husband and I live in this house. Not only was my husband’s affair inadvertently exposed, he impassively said, “The size of it should explain why I did it in the first place. Sorry.” FML

agreeclassic 557

vote type 1 298

Slapped

By Username - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - France

Today, my mum suggested that I should take self-defence lessons just in case I ever get attacked. Jokingly, I said, "As long as I walk under street lamps, no one's going to touch me." She replied, "Well, you never know, they might mistake you for someone good looking." FML

agreeclassic 32 730

vote type 1 5 001

Pet peeve

By MY CHIPS - 14/04/2025 07:00 - Japan - Tokyo

Today, I got home from work to see that not only had my wife opened my bag of potato chips, she'd ripped it all down the side and left it open all day without a clip. Now my chips are stale. She has a whole bag of her favorite flavor, unopened, right next to it. FML

agreeclassic 463

vote type 1 106

PSA

By ColoredPencil13 - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Baytown

Today, my mom made a Facebook post about me starting my period and for everyone to be nice to me. FML

agreeclassic 56 653

vote type 1 4 945

iPod Classic, 7th Gen, 160 Go, the best ever

By abdominates - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, after a long workout I come back to my locker, to find my lock had been cut. I looked inside realizing my phone and iPod had been stolen. If that wasn't bad enough, my keys were gone. I ran out to the parking lot to find an empty spot where my car had once been parked. FML

agreeclassic 53 411

vote type 1 3 321

Gossip and tea

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I found out that if you lose contact with people in your previous school, they decide to spread rumors about you and make everyone believe that you're dead. FML

agreeclassic 32 342

vote type 1 3 537

Snooping around

By Anonymous - 29/09/2025 20:00

Today, I found out the heartbreaking truth of why my husband won’t have sex with me. He cheated, got an STD, and is now waiting for it to clear up before he touches me again. When I confronted him, he flipped out and wrecked the house because I invaded his privacy by going into his phone. FML

agreeclassic 413

vote type 1 84

Make yourselves at home

By unlucky neighbors - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - China - Shanghai

Today, I was staying at a seedy apartment. A group of drunken idiots next door decided it would be fun to run into the wall simultaneously. They broke through the rotted wall and ran me over. FML

agreeclassic 45 744

vote type 1 3 443

Kooky

By Anonymous - 15/05/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, I gave birth two weeks early. Everyone is telling me I should be so happy she's healthy, but all I can think is how much I did not want a Taurus baby. I wanted a Gemini baby. FML

agreeclassic 64

vote type 1 1 579

Disappointing

By Funless - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was invited to a party, but I didn't attend because my boyfriend would be disappointed with me. Instead, I spent the night with him watching movies. At the end of the night, he broke up with me because I wasn't fun enough. FML

agreeclassic 36 023

vote type 1 7 762

Mr Tickle

By tortured - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my coworkers were bored. To solve this, they taped me to a chair and tried tickling me to death. My boss joined in. FML

agreeclassic 45 640

vote type 1 4 668

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Awkward Pokémon Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, breastfeeding my infant has become so automatic that when my dog nuzzled up against me while I was sleeping, I lifted up my shirt and unhooked my nursing bra. FML

agreeclassic 2 000

vote type 1 387

Today, my father came over to my house. I realized there were condoms on the table, so I subtly moved a vase to hide them. He then gave me an unamused look and said, "I know you have sex. You've been married for nine years. Grow the fuck up, dumbass." FML

agreeclassic 21 597

vote type 1 91 054

Today, my dad got into an argument with the cashier about how overpriced the scented tampons were. FML

agreeclassic 32 514

vote type 1 2 843

Today, I was walking with a friend after buying two cups of steaming hot coffee. While crossing the busiest street in town I tripped and fell, spilling the coffee all over me. My friend didn't notice I fell right in front of her and tripped over me spilling her coffee on me as well. FML

agreeclassic 25 477

vote type 1 2 817

Today, my wife threatened to leave me for "bodyshaming" our daughter by giving her a bicycle for her birthday. I bought her a bike because she's been asking for one for months. FML

agreeclassic 1 389

vote type 1 108

Today, I started yoga to help with my stress and overall health. I also got a "hit by a truck" migraine in the middle of my second downward dog pose, and spent the last 20 minutes of the 30 minute lesson curled up in fetal position on my new yoga mat. FML

agreeclassic 758

vote type 1 111