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Menace to society

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Sacramento

Today, I was sitting in the park with my new dog; I got her from the pound last week. We were enjoying the sun when I noticed that every time a black person walked past, she'd bark like crazy. Great, my dog is a racist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 305

You deserved it 3 269

Baaaa!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I was taking a bath and out of boredom started making sheep noises. I then had a conversation with myself in farm animal noises. When I got out of the bath, I walked to my bedroom in my towel, passing the living room… where my little brother's soccer team burst out laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 036

You deserved it 75 581

Reflex

By OuchImAMoron - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Old Bridge

Today, I was cleaning a pocketknife when I noticed a spider on my leg. My first reaction was to stab it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 546

You deserved it 47 009

Lost and found

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, I had to go meet my professor at 12. I wound up showing up almost an hour late. Why? Because she doesn't teach at the campus I registered at. I wound up having to visit TWO different campuses before I reached the right one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 455

You deserved it 545

I just work here

By NathanA - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was verbally abused by a customer because her entrée was too fishy. I'm not the chef, just the waiter, and I work at a fish grill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 597

You deserved it 2 885

Spinning out

By PerfectTiming - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Netherlands - Eindhoven

Today, my dog decided to poop while inside a revolving door. Before I could do anything, the door swung around and smeared it everywhere. My dog excels at timing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 020

You deserved it 4 727

Fertile

By Anonymous - 09/09/2026 20:00 - United States

Today, I started my senior year of high school and I just learned I'm pregnant. I'm not sure how to tell my parents, considering I had a baby freshman, sophomore, and junior year as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 1 120

Oh no!

By Lily - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - San Antonio

Today, I fell going down the stairs and hit my head on the wall. My parents came frantically running to my side, but only to make sure I hadn't damaged the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 176

You deserved it 2 314

Blank canvas

By andromeda80 - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Lakewood

Today, someone spray painted a black skull on the side of my house. We painted over it and installed lights to hopefully persuade intruders not to vandalize the property because it would be a bright area. The lights were stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 780

You deserved it 2 867

Red flag

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, a guy asked for my number. He used the rather annoying, "You know, this iPhone has everything... but you know the only thing that's missing is your number." I might have given it to him, if he did have the iPhone, not the makeshift box of Mini Wheat Thins he had in his hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 923

You deserved it 6 002

Run, run away

By but i make different stiffies - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Parker

Today, while on a first date with a charming guy, I excused myself to the bathroom. I tried to bring my purse along, since my pads were in there, and mother nature was calling. He vehemently insisted that I leave my purse, in case I was planning on stiffing him on the bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 103

You deserved it 2 814

Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears

By Anonymous - 12/09/2026 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my son gave a beautiful eulogy at his uncle's funeral. At the pub afterwards, a bunch of family and friends told me what he did was pathetic, shameful, and an absolute disgrace. Turns out he plagiarised the entire eulogy, word for word, from a movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 326

You deserved it 60

Rebel yell

By Anonymous - 11/09/2026 03:00 - United States

Today, my mom and stepdad finally grounded my horrible, rebellious sister. The problem is that they grounded me as well in order to "keep me in line and make sure that I don't do what she was doing." FML

I agree, your life sucks 346

You deserved it 66

Owned

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - La Marque

Today, my boyfriend called me anti-social. To prove him wrong I texted one of my friends. She texted back, "Who's this??" FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 883

You deserved it 8 053

Truth bomb

By Anonymous - 13/09/2026 00:00 - United States - New York

Today, my son's blood type was tested for college requirements. He's AB-; I'm B+; His mom/my ex is B+, a genetically impossible combo. He wasn't blood-typed at birth. This explains A LOT of my ex's behavior during our marriage/custody issues since then. There's a secret she wanted hidden. No one knows that I know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 345

You deserved it 51

I promise…

By Shocked - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I exchanged promise rings. I promised that I would stay committed to him and that he was the only one for me. He promised that he would stop seeing other woman behind my back. He wasn't kidding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 566

You deserved it 5 437

Mommy's boy

By Anonymous - 13/09/2026 09:00 - United States

Today, my awful future daughter-in-law went off on me and said that I'm just jealous that she's marrying my son and I'm not. Furious, I told my husband, expecting him to side with me, but all he said was, "Well… are you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 47

You deserved it 417

Bastards!

By Anonymous - 09/09/2026 22:00 - United Kingdom

Today, after good sex, we were lying in bed, just hugging and stroking each other, when the moment was ruined by a mosquito biting my nipple. I swatted it and we tried to get back to feeling good when another mosquito bit my husband right on the tip of his penis. Moment well and truly over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 164

You deserved it 65

Sixth time's the charm

By Anonymous - 11/09/2026 22:00 - United States

Today, I mustered up the courage to tell my son that I would not be attending his sixth wedding. He responded by cutting access to my grandson. FML

I agree, your life sucks 392

You deserved it 95

I hate this job

By chubbyreddevil - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, at work, a customer threatened to punch me in the face because the store I work at doesn't have shopping baskets, only carts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 938

You deserved it 2 418

Great timing

By Marlon - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got dumped by my girlfriend at her mom's birthday party, in front of her whole family. They even got it on video. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 025

You deserved it 3 988

Not the only the only thing that's empty

By Anonymous - 13/09/2026 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my daughter called me panicking that her car died in the middle of the road. I had to FaceTime her to talk her through calling a tow truck. Turns out she ignored the warning lights telling her that the tank was low and drove it until the tank was empty. I had to pay for that, plus the tow fees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 212

You deserved it 83

Eww, what?

By Anonymous - 13/09/2026 22:00 - United States - Rancho Cucamonga

Today, I watched a coworker use an electric milk frother, lick it “clean”, then put it back in the break room drawer with the rest of the utensils. I had no idea it was her personal frother. I thought it was for everyone’s use, like the spoons, and I’ve been using it for days now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 208

You deserved it 65

Mystery

By Anonymous - 10/09/2026 12:00 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I just woke up to my boyfriend's Instagram account coming up as 'Instagram User', then found out I don’t have him on Snapchat anymore either. I don’t know what’s happening. You think he ghosted me? FML

I agree, your life sucks 312

You deserved it 67

Friends in need

By Anonymous - 12/09/2026 12:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I was on good terms with my ex, and I thought we were going to get back together. I let him use my car to go back to his place after being at mine. I checked the GPS log and saw a familiar address. I then found out he was using my car for booty calls with someone I considered a friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 268

You deserved it 142

The One

By Anonymous - 11/09/2026 00:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, the 'one who got away' came back into my life. A day after both of us expressing our love for each other, she blocked me in every way for no reason. I really have no idea what I did. I want to say I’m done with her completely but I know I’m just lying to myself. Man this sucks either way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 274

You deserved it 123

Granny brain

By Anonymous - 14/09/2026 15:00 - United States - Rancho Cucamonga

Today, I tried to have a conversation with my mom. As usual, it turned into an hour long gush about how much she loves her grandkids. When I said, “You know you have children as well, right?” She goes, "Yeah but I only had them to have grandchildren for me!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 50

You deserved it 8

Trust issues

By Anonymous - 09/09/2026 09:00 - United States

Today, I found out that my husband secretly DNA-tested all of our kids after they were born. Obviously they're his, but I'm incredibly hurt at his lack of trust and I'm thinking about divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 435

You deserved it 133

Smell test

By Anonymous - 12/09/2026 22:00 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, during my meeting with manager, I found out that my coworkers think that I stink. I literally shower every day and use deodorant and perfume. Am I doing something wrong? FML

I agree, your life sucks 240

You deserved it 72

Infinite sadness

By Wife of a baby - 09/09/2026 12:00 - United States - Newport News

Today, my husband has been drunk and miserable for days. Not due to a death in the family, or losing a job, or anything normal, no. He has been diagnosed with Alpha-Gal allergies and can no longer eat red meat. He's crying because he "will never taste steak again." FML

I agree, your life sucks 309

You deserved it 140

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The Top

Today, I proudly drove my new car to work, feeling on top of the world. As I parked, I noticed everyone in the lot staring at me. I smiled and waved, thinking they were admiring my car. It wasn't until I got to my desk that my boss informed me I'd dragged an orange traffic cone under my car the entire way to the office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 158

You deserved it 584

Today, I was at the airport, on my way to see my dad for the first time since I was four years-old. Whilst I was waiting for my dad to find me, a strange man started flirting with me. Irritated, I told him I was waiting for my dad to get me, and to fuck off. The strange man was my father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 235

You deserved it 4 219

Random

Today, I proudly told my family I lost 15 pounds. My dad looked me up and down and said, "Well, you've got a looooong way to go." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 264

You deserved it 1 979

Today, I was disciplining one of my students for behavior, and he started to roll his eyes every time I was trying to teach the lesson. So I threatened to write him up. After looking closely at the student, I realized he has a lazy roaming eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 021

You deserved it 37 283

Today, while on holiday in England, a cute boy came up and asked where I'm from. When I said Paris, he gave a look and said, "Oh, strange, I always thought Parisians were the most beautiful women in the world." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 386

You deserved it 4 560

Today, I went on a date. I went to the bathroom for five minutes and returned to find my date had not only left, but poured ketchup all over our food to ruin it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 641

You deserved it 205

Today, at work I had to spend two hours cleaning up stinky toilet water. Why? Because yesterday, I forgot to turn on the septic tank pumps. The tank overflowed, and so did all the toilets. My boss is not happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 636

You deserved it 1 906

Today, I texted my sister to ask her if she was OK after finding out that one of her oldest friends had died. She didn’t know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 010

You deserved it 106