The Top

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Hood life

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my car wouldn't start because of the cold weather. Since I was at a friend's house, I asked him to jump-start it. After taking about ten minutes to start his vehicle and park it by mine, we found that both of our car hoods were frozen shut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 013

You deserved it 3 916

Snark

By hahasuckit - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my friends and I were shopping for dresses. I asked the lady at the counter for a size 4, she looked at me and mumbled, "Yeah, right…" in front of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 725

You deserved it 5 481

Racing stripes

By Wannabees - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I decided to spray tan myself. Five minutes later, I had to pee, so I did. Not only do I now have two orange stripes on my toilet bowl, but I also have two big white stripes on the back of my thighs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 505

You deserved it 38 242

Help!

By notwasted39 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was walking to my mailbox when I fell down and couldn't get up. My neighbor walked by with his dog, took one look at me struggling, said, "What is wrong with kids these days, drunk at 9 a.m.?" and continued on. I couldn't get up because I'm still healing from a stress fracture in my hip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 452

You deserved it 3 177

I'm fine, this is fine

By btg - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out that my girlfriend feeds her boogers to our dog. Sometimes she even makes her do tricks for them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 687

You deserved it 3 665

Sting operation

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I sold a customer some beer. He then asked to see the manager, and told me he was a 19 year-old undercover cop. My knee jerk reaction was to panic and curse aloud, before realizing he was balding, toothless, probably 50, certainly not a cop, and laughing at me for being such a gullible moron. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 765

You deserved it 54 400

Long day

By Heww - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, after working an 11 hour shift, I decided to treat myself to a delicious Krispy Kreme doughnut. When I got home, I sat down, put my feet up, poured myself a cold glass of milk. My dog jumped on my lap and vomited all over my doughnuts, stared at me, then bit the doughnut out of my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 770

You deserved it 5 467

Right in the cussy

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, at work, the police were looking over video footage of an incident earlier in the day where a car had slammed hard into another one in the carpark. My manager came into the kitchen and asked if I wanted to come see it to for a laugh. The car that got hit was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 964

You deserved it 3 294

New year, same shit

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I swapped a shift so I didn't have to work on New Year's Eve. An hour later, I realized I didn't have anyone to spend it with. I swapped it back. I'll be ringing in the New Year with my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 784

You deserved it 4 532

Get the message

By thelandofoz - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I noticed that my clothes had shrunk. My mother seemed to be having trouble with the new washer and dryer so I tried to show her exactly how they work. After my explanation she said, "I know how they work. I shrank your clothes to give you some incentive to lose all that belly you got." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 272

You deserved it 7 785

Impressive

By hisgirl4life - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I laughed so hard my milk went out my nose in front of the boy I liked. Then, since I was laughing so hard about that, I accidentally farted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 522

You deserved it 8 860

You're welcome!

By phonegotlostinthepark - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I lost my phone. I called the number from my friend's phone, hoping I could find it. A guy answered, laughed "Thanks for the phone!" and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 514

You deserved it 4 219

Mommy's boy

By Maybe I should just not fly home... - 18/04/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I asked my fiancee to drive me to the airport for a business trip in a few days. She ranted angrily that she already had plans, so I asked my mom to take me instead. Now she's pissed and saying, "Why don't you just go marry your mommy, since she does everything for you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 594

You deserved it 103

Thanks, I hate it

By Rawr - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Switzerland

Today, my grandmother told me she would pay for me to get a nose job. I never thought there was a problem with my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 997

You deserved it 2 959

It'll be drones these days

By Ace - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Canada - Toronto

Today, my brother tried to give my dog a walk by attaching an RC helicopter to the leash and following him while flying it. He broke the RC helicopter which cost 300 dollars, and we had to search for the dog for 3 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 595

You deserved it 9 066

Emergency

By Kassiopia - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my dad decided to take his medicine before eating. He passed out with his face in a plate of chocolate cake. He wasn't responsive so I called the paramedics. When he got to the hospital, the doctor asked him if he knew why he was there. He replied, "Because my stupid daughter overreacted." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 831

You deserved it 3 640

Bizarre love triangle

By sunburychick - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I realised that the man who I wanted to be with, the man who wanted to be with me, and my husband were three different people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 125

You deserved it 26 384

Explain yourself

By potheadloljk - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - East Machias

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house when I got a call from my parents. They told me to come home immediately. Panicking, I rushed home. My dad pulled out a clear tube filled with dried leaves. They accused me of having marijuana. It was catnip for my kitten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 671

You deserved it 2 172

Welcome to adulthood

By Jane - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada - Niagara Falls

Today, I confronted my 18-year-old daughter about her excessively lengthy showers. She said she didn't see the big deal, considering the water "comes free with the house." No dear, it doesn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 313

You deserved it 6 283

Oh no…

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my dog proudly brought home a rabbit he'd killed. The same rabbit that belongs to my neighbor's daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 687

You deserved it 4 753

Out of shape

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I decided to work out. Being too embarrassed to run in public, I instead ran in circles in my basement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 010

You deserved it 15 307

You're welcome…

By craphanded - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I saved a bird from being run over as it lay in the middle of the road. Thinking it had a broken wing or something, I started carrying it home, intending to take it to the vet later. It crapped in my hand and flew away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 077

You deserved it 9 318

Absolute beginner

By scardeycat13 - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went snowboarding for the first time. I was so scared that I passed out. I was only on the kiddie hill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 496

You deserved it 10 915

Get it on

By 0867142 - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I found out that I spent a year helping my dad get back into shape, not for his own good health which was what I thought, but so that he could cheat on my mom with five other women. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 434

You deserved it 2 466

This is fine

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while at work, I suddenly went into diabetic shock. As I was nearly passed out on the floor, a customer yelled at me for not getting his coffee in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 259

You deserved it 3 657

NIMBYs all over

By Anonymous - 13/04/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I spoke out at a town hall about the lack of affordable housing. I was called a “Marxist” and told to “Move to Canada” by a guy who was vaping and wearing a “Don't Tread on Me” shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 434

You deserved it 134

Chill out

By Utterly fucked - 17/04/2025 02:00 - United Kingdom - Stourbridge

Today, I got into a stupid argument with an internet troll, who ended up making me so furious that I threw my laptop straight through my window. My dad will be home any minute. I'm a dead man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58

You deserved it 1 014

Tool Academy

By soundbox - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was watching "Tool Academy" with my girlfriend. When asked which Tool I would be, I replied with Power Tool. She then stated I would be "Tiny Tool." I'm 240 pounds. I don't know if she was calling me fat, or saying I have a small penis. My best guess would be both. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 853

You deserved it 4 864

Assholes

By NoRespect - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I spent an hour setting up a delicate display stand at work. Not five minutes later, a woman barged in with her little kid, who immediately went up to the display and tipped the whole thing over. When I called attention to the mother, she just scoffed, "Isn't this your job?" and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 098

You deserved it 3 331

Denied!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I swam in a race against all of the girls in the midwest in the hardest, longest, most grueling race you can swim. I won. Happy but so tired I could barely move, I looked up to see my time. I had been disqualified. For flinching. Before the race started. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85 414

You deserved it 6 735

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I jokingly told my boyfriend that he should sing the "I'm too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurts…" song before we had sex. Now, every time we have sex, that song is going to be in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 717

You deserved it 2 062

Today, I have been getting calls from a weird kid from my school asking for nudes. I asked how he got my number, then found out that my friends put my number on a pole at school that says, "Call Wendy for a good time, she has nice tits." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 781

You deserved it 3 570

Today, it took me and my husband three hours to put our new book shelves together. It took our cat all of three seconds to knock it all down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 852

You deserved it 5 423

Today, I got a $200 bonus at work and was super excited about getting a plane ticket to see my family. On the way back from work I got a $300 speeding ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 516

You deserved it 43 480

Today, my boss told me that people from work have been complaining about me. Apparently, I'm not doing part of their jobs for them, and the other manager sometimes does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 117

You deserved it 1 525

Today I saved my wife's puppy from drowning in an icy pond and I ended up in the ER struggling to breath from the water in my lungs. When my wife showed up to see me, I caught her flirting with my doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 783

You deserved it 351