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hey guys OP again so like I said in my first comment I really wasn't social during that time. when my husband deploys I don't stay in the town we are stationed, there's no point in me staying alone with no one and two kids if I can move closer to family and at the very least have someone around for emergencies. so that's probably a big reason no one came. but bright side of life she still had fun, she had a second party with family and on her actual birthday her and I went out caught a movie and other stuff so she's not scared by any means. Either way i really appreciate all of the support and kind words, yall rock!

Psycho

By Anonymous - 12/10/2011 05:14 - United States

Today, I was on a drive with my uncle. We saw a dead deer on the side of the road and expressed our pity for it. Then a squirrel runs across the road and my uncle swerves toward the squirrel, laughing hysterically and yelling, "Run rodent run." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 626

You deserved it 4 235

By DyingPlants - 10/10/2011 03:27 - United States

Today, during my first date with a girl I've liked for awhile, she tells me about some minor disabilities she was born with. Wanting to be honest with her too, I tell her I'm slightly autistic. Her response was, "I'm sorry this isn't going to work. I can't date a retard." I had to eat alone after that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 983

You deserved it 3 923

By Anonymous - 02/09/2012 23:47 - United States

Today, after a visit with my mom, I started feeling sick. I meant to send her a text asking if she had gotten sick lately, but I accidentally sent a text asking if she had gotten dick lately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 533

You deserved it 5 393

By Guilpie - 29/01/2017 16:00 - Germany - Heidelberg

Today, I politely asked our overweight neighbour to park on her side of the garage. Three unsuccessful tries later, she drives out and parks on the street in a huff, and I'm now the world's biggest bastard because she can't legally park on her side and still open her door due to her size. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 451

You deserved it 752

It's not what you think

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Egypt

Today, I was working on a 12-page report. After 5 hours on it, I go over to YouTube to change background music. My boss picked this time to walk by, look at my screen, and grunt, "Hard at work, huh?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 535

You deserved it 6 893

Blurt it out

By gotta love my momma - 28/08/2014 05:08 - United States - Folsom

Today, I got married. My booze-hound mother made a toast, and told a story about how she once walked in on us having sex. My husband's family is very religious, and we told them we weren't having sex until marriage. Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 337

You deserved it 11 329

By Mangled Shoelace - 02/02/2017 23:00 - United Kingdom - Renfrew

Today, I embarrassed myself by screaming for help in a crowded mall when my shoelace got stuck at the top of the escalator. Someone behind me kicked the shoelace and it came out easily. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 211

You deserved it 2 110

Sorry, but…

By Anonymous - 27/09/2011 04:15 - United States

Today, my nephew spent a long while enthusiastically telling me how amazing his new 3D TV system is. I felt his pain as his face turned white when he remembered that I'm blind in one eye since birth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 626

You deserved it 2 608

By beta - 08/01/2019 12:00

Today, my date unexpectedly brought her friend to dinner with us. They seemed bored of me after ten minutes and left me out of their conversation for the rest of the night. Oh, and they made me pay for both of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 090

You deserved it 870

By drugbaby - 18/12/2009 19:23 - United States

Today, I was talking to my aunt about my brother's recent arrest for drug possession. I proudly told her that I have never done drugs of any kind. Her response: "Well, actually you were born addicted to heroin, so you had a drug problem long before your brother." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 131

You deserved it 3 746

Not now, bowels!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I finally felt the effects of a laxative that I took last night. This morning, when I was in the dentist's chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 142

You deserved it 7 127

By Sotired - 01/03/2019 17:00 - United States - Medford

Today, after working 12 shifts in the past 8 days at 2 jobs and thinking today was a day off, I got the call that I misread my schedule and I was in fact scheduled. Got off at 2:30 am, work again at 9 am with 9 shifts to go this week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 463

You deserved it 366

By Anonymous - 16/03/2019 16:00

Today, my wife, who knows I'm attracted to women with long hair just like 95% of men, instead of growing her hair long, said she is going to stop being friends with any women who have long hair because she doesn't want me to be attracted to them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 671

You deserved it 1 814

Ring of fire

By Anonymous - 29/12/2020 20:01

Today, after a particularly nasty shit, I decided to do one extra pass with a diaper wipe. What I didn't realize was that my wife had refilled the normal container with a pack of Clorox wipes by mistake. My asshole has never burned so fiercely in my 30+ years of life as it did in those following moments. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 486

You deserved it 215

By notpregnantthankgod - 20/11/2015 17:20 - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, the local gossip was in line behind me at the shop. She saw me buying pregnancy tests. The good news is that I'm not pregnant. The bad news is that she'll definitely have everyone thinking I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 587

You deserved it 2 225

By Lucy - 21/07/2012 07:40 - United States - La Mesa

Today, I finally had sex with the guy I've been in love with for the past two years. Five minutes in, he passed out on top of me from a pain pill overdose and had a mini seizure. He finally woke up and groans, "Those bastards! They confiscated my clothes!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 630

You deserved it 5 451

By single - 10/11/2010 02:10 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. He got on the bed on all fours and crawled towards me, saying "My precious... my precious" in Gollum's voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 465

You deserved it 7 626

By Married2handsome - 16/06/2013 23:58 - United States - Palm Bay

Today, my daughter found out what happens when my husband watches Mythbusters and doesn't heed the disclaimer to "Not try this at home." He feels bad about her cut face, but says he's proud he can throw a playing card that hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 133

You deserved it 3 555

Married2handsome tells us more.

Married2handsome 13

Monday 17 June 2013 18:45

Yes, he's a cool dad! No, it was certainly NOT on purpose. :) Although she says it hurt, she too thought it funny and requested I place it as a FB status and FML!

By wowzer - 28/08/2014 19:58 - Puerto Rico - Gurabo

Today, I went on a date with the world's biggest lightweight. She got blind drunk on wine before dessert, and slurred, "You look like... like a black... blueberry." Amused, I said, "You mean a blackberry?" She stared at me for several long seconds, confused, then passed out. Check please. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 394

You deserved it 3 635

By bob - 03/07/2012 17:33 - United States - Fairborn

Today, I woke up to a nude picture of my girlfriend. Once I looked at it my morning wood went away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 038

You deserved it 9 401

By LolKaleb - 27/08/2014 03:02 - United States - Frisco

Today, as I got out the shower, my mom walked in to give me a towel, then quickly covered her eyes and said, "Woah, I almost saw your penis. Good things it's ridiculously small." I had friends over, and I'm pretty sure I'll hear about this for at least the next month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 447

You deserved it 4 947

LolKaleb tells us more.

LolKaleb 14

Thursday 28 August 2014 20:19

It got posted yay. Well some were asking why I showered while friends were over. I had came from the gym and I left my door unlocked for them to come in since they were walking distance away. As I came back sweaty I decided to shower so I wouldn't ruin the couch. As I got out my mom came in to give me a towel since she didn't want me using my old one but she so happened to come in at the same time as me getting out the shower. My friends are still talking about it so yeah I have a good 2 or 3 weeks left before it's over.

By Classy Broad - 15/05/2019 22:15

Today, I learned that my hair color is classified as "Buttered Toast". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 383

You deserved it 295