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I hate to admit this, but since he blocked me on Facebook, I made a fake account to find out and indeed, he is remarried and expecting a child. At first, I was confused and thinking, maybe it was just a friend or someone... then I got furious when I saw their wedding photos on Facebook. FML

By brokenface - 15/09/2015 21:48 - United States - Notre Dame

Today, I finally kicked my awful nail-biting habit. All it took was a fractured jaw. I haven't been able to chew anything for two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 687

You deserved it 2 656

By girly girly - 26/05/2012 14:42 - United States - Keller

Today, at work, my friend dared me to answer the next call on my phone by saying, "This is your local sperm bank. You jack it, we pack it." I did it. The person on the phone was my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 197

You deserved it 46 997

By Anonymous - 29/06/2014 16:18 - United States - Surprise

Today, less than a week after ranting to my husband about how sick some people are to sexualize characters from kids' TV shows, I looked through his browser history and found out he's very much into Powerpuff Girls porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 068

You deserved it 9 167

By 44haley44 - 12/07/2011 17:25 - United States

Today, I woke up to my pants off and my vibrator still on. I fell asleep masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 806

You deserved it 57 333

Scaredy cats

By chrisinator - 11/10/2016 04:21 - United States - Woodside

Today, I turned on my furnace when I got home from work for the first time this season. Only problem? Cats. Our kitten Norman has never heard a furnace in his life and Noel has just forgotten what a furnace sounds like. Both cats are terrified and won't stop yelping. I just want to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 759

You deserved it 1 250

Debate pervert

By Canuckster - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I was invited into a group chat on Skype. Everyone ignored everything I said, so I got pissed and started yelling at them. Then I realised my microphone wasn't plugged in right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 765

You deserved it 58 533

Moodbreaker

By anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were going to shower together, and things were getting heated until we actually got into the shower and found my roommate's fingernail clippings all over the place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 553

You deserved it 1 233

By Female - 29/09/2016 03:26 - United States - Montebello

Today, I was excited to finally get an interview after being unemployed since getting out of the military nearly a year ago. Turns out, they weren't even interested in hiring me. They'd just never met a female Marine before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 505

You deserved it 828

By AlicefromIreland - 23/08/2015 17:39 - Ireland

Today, I was at a concert and the performer told everyone to wave their phones in the air. I threw my hand up and then a huge woman caught my iPhone and disappeared into the crowd. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 807

You deserved it 7 033

AlicefromIreland tells us more.

AlicefromIreland 16

Monday 24 August 2015 15:23

What happened was when we were told to wave the phones in the air I flung my arm up a bit too fast and my phone flew out of my hand and this "huge woman" (in talking morbidly obese, bundles me out of the way and snatched my phone from the air. I never saw her or the phone again...

By Elle(; - 11/08/2019 06:00 - United States

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I felt something tickling my neck. Thinking it was him, I ignored it. Just when I was about to climax, I looked down to see a lizard on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 042

You deserved it 259

By heather - 20/06/2011 22:25 - Canada

Today, I told my husband that I was going to get a swimsuit from the Victoria's Secret catalog. He replied, "Are you going to get the body to go with it?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 729

You deserved it 10 438

Sixteen again

By mystupidname - 03/09/2019 14:00 - Denmark

Today, my dad and his new fiancée are like two love-sick bunnies. They start having sex immediately whenever I leave the house. Even when I take out the trash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 111

You deserved it 180

Crank

By Anonymous - 29/03/2013 04:11 - United States - Houston

Today, I realized that I'm so lonely I can no longer whack off without bursting into tears and crying like a little bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 750

You deserved it 21 503

Moving on

By Peekaman - 15/08/2010 22:31 - United States

Today, I was riding the subway when a beautiful topless girl walked into my car and sat directly in front of me. Then, the train stopped abruptly and I banged my head. The girl was gone and I realized it had all been a dream. Then I realized I was supposed to get off 17 stops ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 047

You deserved it 42 497

By Tatteredgirl - 11/08/2016 13:31 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I have been training a co-worker in a new position. After two months he still doesn't know how to do any of the work, and I'm stuck trying to do two jobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 959

You deserved it 1 207

Tatteredgirl tells us more.

Tatteredgirl 8

Tuesday 6 September 2016 2:17

OP here. I told my managers after two weeks that the trainee just was not getting it. They told me to give him time to pick it up. Tell higher ups every other day that trainee is not working out and finally told them I would not be helping him anymore. He is sinking fast. Don't think he will be around much longer. I have trained a number of people for this position and they all have had it figured out within a couple of days. I don't think it's my training.

By seriouslystupid - 24/09/2009 00:08 - United States

Today, I got it on for the first time with a guy I've been dating. He had to turn the TV up loud so that his mom couldn't hear anything. I'm 20 years old and I lost my virginity with Disney Channel blaring in the background. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 558

You deserved it 23 212