The Top

A street that didn't have a specific turning lane. And to clarify my blinker was on. Took awhile to turn because there was a lot of cars coming toward so I was there a while.

By SnurklesMcGee - 12/02/2016 22:08 - Canada

Today, I learned I don't have to spend Valentine's Day alone. My parents invited me along on their date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 606

You deserved it 2 014

Skidmarks

By smelly asses - 17/09/2020 07:50

Today, my husband and my daughter engaged in a fart war. Guess who go to do a pile of shitty laundry, while the other texted his friends about the “hilarious” incident? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 182

You deserved it 223

Read the room

By IsThisRealLife - 01/02/2016 17:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up with an extremely irritable rash around my crotch. I didn't want to full out itch it by putting my hands down my pants, so I itched it by putting my hand in my pockets. I got kicked off the train for "pleasuring myself in public." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 928

You deserved it 5 824

By Anonymous - 29/12/2010 11:25 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he loved me for the very first time in three years. Apparently, all it took was anal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 704

You deserved it 13 309

Hummmmm

By Anonymous - 28/08/2013 16:11 - United States - Spokane

Today, I went down on my boyfriend, and tried out a new trick I learned. I read in a magazine that if you hum while giving oral, it's supposed to feel good. My boyfriend started laughing and told me to stop after 30 seconds because I reminded him of his singing toothbrush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 174

You deserved it 10 553

By Anon - 26/01/2016 11:40 - United Kingdom - Kingston Upon Thames

Today, I requested a pay rise at work. They said they couldn't do it as they have to cut costs, so I resigned. They've now re-advertised my job for more money than I asked for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 682

You deserved it 3 135

Chill?

By stickygoober - 20/11/2018 15:00 - United States - Peoria

Today, my boss sent a message to a coworker saying, "We're putting all of you back on the phones because one of you can't stop watching Netflix so corporate thinks you guys don't do anything." That person was me. Everyone's pissed at me now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 839

You deserved it 7 388

By helloimkylieee - 25/01/2016 01:04 - United States - Tracy

Today, I had to convince my parents to shut the door when they have sex. They have done this on multiple occasions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 826

You deserved it 1 570

Good initiative

By cough - 27/12/2019 14:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was choking on an apple and asked my sister to get me some water. She got some. Then drank it herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 762

You deserved it 238

By SilkySmooth - 28/11/2018 22:00

Today, I realised why my room has been smelling like berries and why sex has been so uncomfortable recently. Apparently boyfriend doesn't know the difference between hair conditioner and lube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 791

You deserved it 441

By college0001 - 20/01/2016 06:06 - United States - Burlington

Today, my college roommate tried to kick me out, because what I say makes her uncomfortable. We haven't talked for 3 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 860

You deserved it 1 847

No Shame

By FML Videos - 14/11/2018 00:30

At least he's honest!

I agree, your life sucks 293

You deserved it 72

By Anonymous - 01/01/2010 07:11 - United States

Today, I was forced to spend New Years Eve with my strict/conservative parents in the middle of nowhere in Illinois. If I had nothing else, I looked forward to watching the ball drop in NYC. As the seconds counted down the T.V. shut off. Parental controls shut down cable at midnight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 315

You deserved it 2 884

Nooooooo!

By Anonymous - 15/06/2009 11:23 - United States

Today, I finally got a chance to try out my vibrator. I've never orgasmed before with a guy, so I thought there was no hope until my friend gave me the vibrator for my birthday. It was going amazing, better than sex. I was literally two seconds away from climaxing when the battery suddenly died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 313

You deserved it 15 014

By Anonymous - 10/08/2013 04:02 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I got a call from my son's kindergarten teacher. Apparently my son asked a girl to marry him. After she said no, he stabbed her with a fork. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 787

You deserved it 6 096

By Blood on my hands - 07/08/2013 05:40 - United States

Today, I sprayed down some ants in my house. In the sea of ant corpses was a single living ant seemingly cradling a dead one in its arms. I'm convinced I just became the villain in an epic tragedy. Now I have to live with my ant problem because I can't bear to tear another family apart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 178

You deserved it 25 762

By calivianya - 28/08/2012 04:49 - United States - Greensboro

Today, there's a cricket in my apartment. I don't know if I'm more annoyed by the fact that it somehow got up three flights of stairs to get here, or that my cat is so excited about it that he's jumping on me and howling in my face to announce the cricket's presence instead of killing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 142

You deserved it 2 200

calivianya tells us more.

calivianya 29

Tuesday 28 August 2012 18:02

Just so you guys know, I have a whole lot of furniture. I'm pretty sure the cricket was hiding under one of the pieces of furniture, but every time I got near my couch, ottoman, armchair, side table, or bookcase, it stopped chirping. It was pretty hard to tell where it was coming from!

By Anonymous - 24/12/2015 20:52

Today, after six years, two raises, and a promotion, thanks to student loans I make less disposable income than I did when I first started this job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 812

You deserved it 1 987

Sorry not sorry

By Klamp18 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I attached fifteen-pound weights to each foot so I could burn some extra calories while shoveling snow. My dad asked me to move one of the cars in the driveway. When I put my foot on the gas pedal, I couldn't take it off. I ended up hitting my sister and knocking her into a snow bank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 120

You deserved it 54 931

By Prinpette - 20/09/2011 21:20 - France

Today, to show that he really wanted me to shave myself, my boyfriend pretended to go down on me, but instead of following through, he stuck a wad of gum in my pubic hair and got back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 390

You deserved it 40 507

By biker2012 - 01/06/2009 19:13 - United States

Today, there was a parents bike race on the track at my high school for a fundraiser. My dad entered, and ended up winning. He did his victory dance with a massive erection showing through his spandex. Just about all of my friends, teachers, other parents, and the hot soccer team saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 757

You deserved it 4 133

By accountnamevalid - 21/07/2013 04:45 - United States - Littleton

Today, I was on a bus and I was so exhausted that I fell asleep. According to a few other passengers, I nestled into the chest of the guy next to me, and hit him every time he made a noise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 716

You deserved it 9 838

accountnamevalid tells us more.

accountnamevalid 3

Monday 22 July 2013 6:45

It was a Greyhound, and I'd been up for 2 days. He didn't say a word to me about it. After I was told by the lady behind me, I apologized profusely, and he said "it's alright. I figured you must really need the sleep." Super nice guy, but I wanted to die.