The Top

OP here, I made an account to reply. To clarify a bit, I'm 19, so I've been dealing with acne for a while and have my face pretty well under control. I said I need to take a bath in acne cream because it's mostly my shoulders and back, and no amount of washing and scrubbing seems to help. Thanks for the funny comments and advice :)

By scottyboy - 01/10/2016 07:58

Today, I started packing up the flat I have been renting. As I took a picture off the wall I also ripped half the wallpaper. That's my deposit gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 649

You deserved it 1 677

By Gurior - 16/04/2013 17:44 - Canada

Today, my virginal girlfriend of a year graduated from veterinary school. She can shove her arm shoulder-deep up a cow's ass without blinking, but still feels too insecure to even touch my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 465

You deserved it 19 632

Gurior tells us more.

Gurior 4

Wednesday 17 April 2013 0:17

This is brillant.

Chubrub

By thickly - 19/09/2016 17:31 - United States - Fayetteville

Today, my boss had to order some more work pants since mine were worn out after 7 months. He told me the next set I would have to buy myself, since they usually last workers about 2 years, and I must be treating them too roughly. I didn't want to admit that my thighs rubbing together ended up shredding the fabric. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 601

You deserved it 1 921

By jshum - 13/09/2016 15:02 - Australia - South Yarra

Today, I bought a new phone. It's shock proof, water proof, you name it. Just not kitten proof, it seems. That's $400 down the drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 244

You deserved it 1 957

Faithful

By Anonymous - 28/08/2019 16:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house, with whom I've been with for four years. I've been in Australia for the last two months and before I left, he bought a box of 12 condoms, saying we would use them when I got back. We went to the bedroom and I opened the box. There was one left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 998

You deserved it 270

Rollin'

By Anonymous - 01/09/2016 03:40 - United States - San Jose

Today, I was driving home when a guy crashed into me from behind. I got out of my car and told him that I was going to call the cops. He then asked me if we could move to a corner because we were blocking the way, so we then got back in to move. I looked in the mirror to see him driving off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 986

You deserved it 4 719

Domestic Dispute on the Road

By FML Approved - 11/09/2017 03:30

Hang in there, buddy!

I agree, your life sucks 560

You deserved it 136

Perks

By Thomas P. - 27/08/2016 16:49

Today, I parked in my "employee of the month" parking spot by the front of the store and started my shift. About halfway through my shift, a customer backed into my vehicle, got out and checked, then drove off before I could come outside. Perks of being the best employee I can be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 586

You deserved it 870

Different strokes

By chickenmcnuggetgirl - 18/03/2013 18:10 - Ireland - Enfield

Today, I found out my boyfriend has a chicken nugget fetish. He wants me to take a chicken nugget bath in a bikini. He seems to be dead serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 511

You deserved it 5 138

Self confidence

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my parents and I were looking through old photos. My dad comments, "Wow you were chubby back then. But that's ok, it was baby fat." Then he turns to me and asks, "What's your excuse now?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 128

You deserved it 11 586

Thanks for the support

By depressed - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Hull

Today, I finally told my dad about how I've been diagnosed with clinical depression. He began to recite a commercial for depression meds, but he couldn't finish because he was overwhelmed with laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 914

You deserved it 4 157

By neverthesame - 29/03/2012 02:53 - United States - Shelbyville

Today, I realized that something's wrong when you have to go to a mental hospital for a family reunion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 538

You deserved it 2 174

By Kiki - 08/03/2013 21:22 - Poland - Myslenice

Today, my boyfriend came over and dropped off my phone, which I'd left at his place the night before. He immediately left in a sulk. As I looked through my texts, I discovered he was only so moody because I hadn't answered any of his calls or messages. I'm dating an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 260

You deserved it 5 591

By taroschain - 30/07/2016 21:19 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I realized I got more birthday wishes from people checking my ID for alcohol purchases than from friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 846

You deserved it 1 245

taroschain tells us more.

taroschain 11

Monday 8 August 2016 1:01

Huh, didn't think this would make it. Neat. Thanks for the birthday wishes! To clear a few things up: 1. I started getting birthday wishes from ID checkers a week before my birthday and for a few days after, during which time I went on a couple beer runs for my roommate, bought a bottle of wine for a family dinner, had a weekly girls' night out with some coworkers and, yes, went barhopping with a friend on the day of. 2. I only got Facebook because my college required it and didn't bother filling in the information other than schooling. 3. I'm not one of those people who reminds everyone about their birthday five times a day for two weeks, and I track friends' birthdays on my iPod calendar. Also, I'm a bit of a workaholic and tend to forget events if they don't affect my work schedule (thus the calendar) and didn't actually realize my birthday was coming up until it was mentioned on one of said aforementioned beer runs. 4. Partly due to a lack of FB and other social networking, most of my friends are either from work or people I was really close to in high school and chose to keep in contact with via phone or e-mail (I'm an old person in a 25-year old body. I knit too!). Also guildmates, but I don't think that counts. Hope this helps!