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Computer is now password protected. It wasn't before cause I let him use my computer for school work, but obviously, he was using it for other purposes!

By Anonymous - 23/07/2012 07:35 - Canada - Brampton

Today, I mowed over a bird while mowing the lawn. It wasn't dead, so I had to mow over it a second time to put it out of its misery. Now there are pieces of dead bird all over my lawn and I can't sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 147

You deserved it 19 261

By Ketchup - 06/04/2016 07:06 - Finland - Turku

Today, after hours of non-stop work on an important case, I cheeringly blurted out, "And now, time for a tampon change break!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 706

You deserved it 310

Bad aim

By goldengirl - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, my doctor asked for a urine sample. It's the first time I've tried to cup my own pee. Despite the fact that I'm a woman, I managed to aim wrong, and sprayed the floor, hit the door and my handbag with my own pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 667

You deserved it 17 043

By Anonymous - 07/11/2015 05:02 - Canada - Barrie

Today, my 9 year old shitblossom of a sister decided to wake me up by hocking a loogie into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 787

You deserved it 1 849

Be careful what you wish for…

By Sady_Ct - 15/05/2019 12:12

Today, I caught my husband trying on the sexy bra I bought to wear just for him. For shits and giggles, I made him try on my dress too. He looked better in it than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 583

You deserved it 581

By Drewski - 22/12/2016 00:11 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, I'm recovering from my second back surgery. I survived four years in the Army with one combat tour without major injury, only to destroy my back the day after discharge by lifting my mother-in-law's suitcase into the trunk of her car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 276

You deserved it 633

Special moment

By Anonymous - 25/10/2015 13:13 - United States - Crawfordville

Today, I was intently watching my odometer to see it change from 99,999 to 100,000 when I ran into the back of another vehicle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 287

You deserved it 31 663

By Emmz91 - 28/05/2019 07:53

Today, I counted how many medications I'm on: 14. I'm waiting to see another specialist who might put me on 2 more. I'm currently on more medications than my grandmother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 097

You deserved it 203

Emmz91 tells us more.

Emmz91 30

Friday 24 May 2019 9:57

By the way, I'm 27.

Money money money, must be funny

By Anonymous - 14/12/2016 12:06

Today, my sister, who has "borrowed" almost nine hundred dollars from me over the last few months, told me I was pathetic for not having my driver's license yet and that I "wasn't normal". I was saving that money for my driving lessons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 871

You deserved it 1 067

By Iamfurios - 12/12/2016 18:43

Today one of my flatmates told the rest of us to stop using the toilet after 10pm cause he's a light sleeper and the flushing noise wakes him up. After arguing about it, he gave us his 'permission' to use the toilet, but only if we don't flush until the next day. Guess who is always the first to wake up? FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 561

You deserved it 720

By Anonymous - 03/06/2013 20:14 - Poland - Polska

Today, my brother looked me dead in the eyes and said his life goal is to find a way to jizz on everyone in the world. I'm scared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 617

You deserved it 5 613

Morning surprise

By Lindy - 10/02/2021 04:58 - United Kingdom

Today, when I woke up, I thought I’d be sexy by waking my girlfriend with oral sex. Still half asleep, she said, “Robert, stop it that tickles.” My name is Linda, we’re a lesbian couple who've never expressed interest in men, so who the fuck is Robert? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 853

You deserved it 513

By a very mad sister - 11/12/2016 01:33 - United States - Pomona

Today, my older brother thought it would be hilarious to have over 200 people show up at my house to celebrate my wedding anniversary with my husband. Apparently, this was his "I'm sorry" present for missing my wedding last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 126

You deserved it 705

By Anonymous - 03/06/2019 00:02

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend in front of about 75 people in the fanciest restaurant in town. She told me she was already engaged, while holding up her right hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 301

You deserved it 601

Make up your mind

By lifeofamusicteacher - 08/12/2016 01:22 - Hong Kong

Today, I got yelled at by parents of one of my students because their child didn't perform well at their Winter Concert. These are the same parents who told me months ago that I needed to be more lenient by allowing their kids to skip rehearsals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 250

You deserved it 591

By Gibs - 17/05/2017 21:00 - Brazil

Today, in my first month at the gym, I was running on the treadmill when my washcloth fell to the floor. Without thinking much, I bent down to get it, lost my balance and took the biggest fall. I no longer have the courage to go there, and I already paid a biannual package. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 482

You deserved it 1 429

New sensation

By Anon Y. Mous - 02/10/2015 04:24 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I learned what being stabbed in the leg by an ex feels like. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 879

You deserved it 2 408

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The Top

Today, while working as a paramedic, we got called to an assisted living home. The medical emergency? The woman had a leak in her bathroom and wanted it fixed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 192

You deserved it 2 610

Today, I ran out of gas while driving, and had to call a tow truck. I drive a tow truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 424

You deserved it 30 232

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that the reason I don't want to stay overnight at his house is because I still occasionally wet the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 972

You deserved it 8 295

Today, in the middle of sex, I was desperate for a fart but tried to hold it in so we weren't forced to stop halfway. Unfortunately, I accidentally let the fart escape, along with runny diarrhea, all over my husband's legs and groin. The smell caused him to vomit all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 584

You deserved it 2 873

Today, I'm supposed to hand in my Master's thesis. I only very vaguely remember my enthusiasm of six months ago, but remember clearly that - this time - I was planning to start in time and avoid last-minute stress. Seeing the sun come up at 5 a.m. tells me that it was a tad too optimistic. Just ten more hours to go… FML

I agree, your life sucks 296

You deserved it 1 091

Today, I'm officially at the point where I would do literally anything to have a pleasant dream, or at least one that's not absolutely fucking terrifying. I now know where the irrational fear of sleeping comes from. Anxiety can go fuck a duck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 729

You deserved it 127