Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 20/01/2016 18:18

I got a bikini wax and wore not the most comfortable corset all day hoping for action later. My boyfriend fell asleep watching netflix. FML.

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You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 20/01/2016 18:14 - United States - Falls Church

Today, I accidentally spent the entirety of my friend's wedding with my dress on backwards. No one pointed it out to me an I'm so flat that I didn't even notice. FML

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By KneeJerker - 20/01/2016 18:09 - United States - Aliso Viejo

Today, I had my second set of finals. Before my Math final, I made sure I had everything. Extra pencils? Check. Notecard I made sure I printed out? Check. Book to read after I finish? Check. Graphing calculator? Left at home. I can't leave campus to get it. FML

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By caq15001 - 20/01/2016 17:28 - United States - Storrs Mansfield

Today, a student that was practicing in the room next to mine asked if I was a music major. She was extremely surprised and it would've been understandable if we hadn't had most of our classes together last semester. FML

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By pirouette princess - 20/01/2016 17:07 - Germany

Today, I remembered that when I was 8, I called an emergency child abuse hotline and no one answered. That was a clear foreshadow of what the rest of my life would be like. FML.

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By anythingtoprocrastinate - 20/01/2016 17:05 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, after days of dedicated (and painful) plucking—shaving leaves me with irritating bumps and waxing is too daunting a concept—I am finally devoid of all pubic hair. I can't really celebrate it, though, because I don't even have a sex life. FML.

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By . - 20/01/2016 16:40 - United States - Columbia

Today, my friend decided it would be funny to break up with my girlfriend of 2 years for me. I was planning on proposing and now she won't talk to me. FML

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By rikkirauha - 20/01/2016 16:18 - United States - Cypress

Today, I finally went for a run. Not because I decided to, but because my neighbor's psychotic, sharp-clawed cat decided it'd be fun to chase me down the street. FML

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You deserved it 0

By QueenAlaska17 - 20/01/2016 16:11 - United States - Monroe

Today, I spent over 1700 dollars on a Rottweiler puppy. He came with everything he needed. (Toys, Treats, food dish) The next morning it was gone. FML

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By Sexy - 20/01/2016 15:55 - France - Paris

Today, I can't choose what is worse : the fact that my husband and father of our children suddenly wants to randomly have sex with other women, the fact that he asked for my permission, or the fact that he sincerely don't get why I'm NOT OK with it. FML

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By DjSwifter - 20/01/2016 15:49 - United Kingdom

Today, my boss gave me a grilling for not opening the gates fast enough so trucks could enter or leave the compound. They're electric gates, I don't even control them. FML

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By unprosperous - 20/01/2016 15:46 - United Kingdom

Today my mother insisted on helping with my lab report due in this afternoon. She doesn't know the topic so I said she could proof read it to give her something. I came back to a report where every time I mentioned "Phosphorous" she 'corrected' to "prosperous". I don't know what else changed. fml

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By idk - 20/01/2016 15:37 - Belgium - Kortrijk

Today, I found out how sexually frustrated I really am when I got horny on the bus by a stranger's leg touching mine. FML

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By katertott - 20/01/2016 15:36 - United States - Spokane

Today, I found a hairy spider and its web in my box of Kotex panty liners. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/01/2016 15:34 - United States - Liverpool

Today, my director almost caught my friend and I having sex in the costume closet. After being called into her office minutes later and explaining everything, I realized she didn't actually know what exactly we were doing. But she does now. FML

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By whyyyy - 20/01/2016 15:13 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I went down on my boyfriend, it seemed it went too deep and I ended up puking. I didn't open my mouth but he definitely felt it. FML

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By aurelj1 - 20/01/2016 15:07 - United States - Grapevine

Today, I had to wake up very early for work, and I decided to treat myself to Mcdonald's breakfast. I was so tired while waiting in line at the drive thru, that I fell asleep at the wheel. The honk from the car behind me startled me so bad that I rear ended the car ahead of me. FML

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By unlucky - 20/01/2016 14:59 - United States - Carthage

Today, I over slept. Now this wouldn't have been that big of a deal since I woke up at 8:30, the time my classes start and I haven't missed a day all year. It would have been nice to remember that I have an exam today, and didn't go back to sleep thinking it would be fine to miss a day for once. FML

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By ambers sad - 20/01/2016 14:56 - United States - Pittsboro

Today, my ultra religious mother made a surprise visit to my apartment. We had a party last night and the evidence was all over. She forced me over her lap and hit my bare butt with my own wooden spoon. My roommate was in her bed and heard me crying. FML

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By DookDaSpook - 20/01/2016 14:39 - United States - Sparta

Today, my class had a writing session on our thoughts and beliefs dealing with religion, we where told to be fully honest in what we think. Writing about how I am agnostic and turning it in, the teacher "lost" the paper and said that I can prove if I did, or did not turn it in. She's a Christian FML

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By BitchCrazy - 20/01/2016 14:36 - United States

Today, my son had the courage to come out to his grandmother. She told me to put him in conversion therapy or else she would anonymously report me to Child Protective Services for "negligence caused by refusing to treat a severe mental illness." FML

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By FastTurtle9 - 20/01/2016 14:30 - United States - Kirkland

Today, I have the start of finals week of my senior year of high school. And how does my body prepare for the day? 15 minutes on the toilet with explosive diarrhea resulting in me missing the bus to school. FML

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By Tf - 20/01/2016 14:16 - United States - Pittsford

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend cheating on me, with another man. It wouldn't have been that bad if that other man wasn't my married father. FML

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By Luke - 20/01/2016 13:57 - United States - Brandon

Today, for the thousandth time, I heard the phrase "Luke, I am your father..." It gets really old, especially when having sex with your boyfriend. FML

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By Good Citizen? - 20/01/2016 13:52 - United States - New York

Today, I was on the subway. The lady in front of me stumbled on a sharp turn and began to fall in my direction. I quickly caught her and asked if she was ok. She responded by pushing me away and yelling, threatening to sue me for sexual harassment. FML

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By CoffeeGirl2000 - 20/01/2016 13:44 - United States - Enfield

Today, I got called into work. After a surprise 10 hour shift at night, I decided to stop and grab some groceries. I wasn't paying attention at the self-service and forgot to ring up a few items. Just as I was about to pay for them, a worker came over and accused me of stealing. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/01/2016 13:28 - United States - New York

Today, I tailed my husband because I suspect that he's been cheating on me. He often secretly sneaking out and comes home at dawn. I reached a house not quite far, waited out and stormed in to catch him in the act. He's with his buddies from high school, they were playing Dungeons and Dragons. FML

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By ChiefKoala - 20/01/2016 13:26 - United States - Harriman

Today, I learned to never make the mistake of drinking tea for digestive health because it might have Senna leaves in it, which is used to treat constipation and empty the bowels. I do believe that I've shit my brains out. FML

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By Really - 20/01/2016 13:10 - United Kingdom - Gloucester

Today, I found out that my mum would much rather go and get a new tattoo done then spend a day with me, if it was my brother or sister on the other hand she would cancel her appointment. I haven't seen her since November. Thanks mum FML

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By The_Potato_Lord - 20/01/2016 12:41 - United States - Saint Albans

Today, I woke up and thought it was Saturday, so I slept in. It's Wednesday, and I have 2 tests this morning. FML

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You deserved it 1

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The Top

Today, my dad told me that my stomach pain is from a lack of exercise. He knows I've recently had a medical procedure that's known to cause pain in the aftermath, but he dismisses it as a cause. By the way, I can't exercise because of the pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 463

You deserved it 90

Today, I got bitched at by an old lady in Walmart for not wearing a mask. I had lowered my mask to use my inhaler, because I was having an asthma attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 118

You deserved it 128

Today, I finally got up the courage to quit my first job. I spent hours determining the most professional way; the method, and the wording I would use. In the middle of the phone call, my manager hung up on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 367

You deserved it 3 589

Today, my husband and son had their first DIY project. Less than 30 minutes later, our son’s crying in his room. Turns out my husband is just like his dad. “WHY ARE YOU STANDING DOING NOTHING? PASS ME THE THING. NOT THAT THING, THE OTHER THING. HERE, I’LL DO IT MYSELF. PAY ATTENTION, GOD DAMMIT.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 508

You deserved it 121

Today, while I was taking a long relaxing shower, the shower head decided to fly off and hit me in the face. The dentist couldn't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 557

You deserved it 5 029

Today, I finally had sex with the man with whom I've been in love for months. Too bad I was too drunk to remember a thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 636

You deserved it 4 852