Nearly FMLs

By Uncomfortable - 30/01/2016 13:51 - United States - West Babylon

Today, at a sleepover party I was trying to fall asleep while two other people decided to passionately make out a few feet away from me. At that point I couldn't fall asleep and I was too afraid to get up because they would realize I was awake the entire time. FML

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By Milo - 30/01/2016 13:36 - Canada - Windsor

Today, it's my birthday and I am stuck on the toilet with terrible diarrhea. FML

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By Whypls - 30/01/2016 12:28 - Germany - Peine

Today, my girlfriend told me I look like a drunk elephant when I stand up in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 30/01/2016 12:25 - United States - Farmville

Today, I have my interview to be a Resident assistant. I went out drinking the night before and didn't pay attention to how much I drank. I woke up still drunk. Interview starts in less than an hour. FML

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By mattyenk - 30/01/2016 11:14 - Australia

Today, I went to a public bathroom cubicle without checking if there was toilet paper. I asked the person next to me for some, and he was appalled that I was a woman. I was accidentally in the men's bathroom. FML

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By hesitator - 30/01/2016 11:06 - Slovenia - Ljubljana

Today, my girlfriend left me because she is afraid of losing me. FML

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By Jane - 30/01/2016 10:38 - Bulgaria - Tsaratsovo

Today my wallet was stolen by a thief and I had to beg my friends for money to get back home. After I've arrived my parents shouted at me for being so scatterbrained and now I'm grounded for weeks. Oh, and my ID card was in the wallet too. FML

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By rexism0408 - 30/01/2016 10:28 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, i was watching porn in my room. i clicked on one of the videos with a cute girl on the thumbnail. turned out to be my girlfriend

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You deserved it 1

By moosemay - 30/01/2016 10:08 - Germany - Mannheim

Today, we went to spend the weekend with my in-laws. My wife didn't bring any cosmetics because she said she could use her mum's shampoos and lotions. She's just cuddled up next to me in bed smelling like my mother-in-law. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/01/2016 09:44 - Canada

Today, is the day I move into a new house. Last night is the night we had a major snow storm. Our current landlord refuses to plow the parking lot out of spite we're moving. FML

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By broken - 30/01/2016 09:09 - Australia - Mulgrave

Today, I was doing a mountain bike clinic so I can improve my skills enough to stop crashing as much...I had my biggest stack ever, broke my collar bone in three places and have to get surgery ... FML

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By HerMomIsFine - 30/01/2016 09:06 - United States - Hayward

Today, I asked the friend of a girl I used to talk to how the girl was doing. She said, "idk why." I was shocked and surprised at this response because before, she had told me her mother had died from cancer. Her friend laughed at me and told me she had only said that so id leave her alone. FML.

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By sydneyn19x - 30/01/2016 08:46 - United States - Petaluma

Today, I went out with friends for the first time in a couple of months since my schedule was finally clear. We went to a night club, and I agreed to DD, just to be generous. After such a great time, we walk back to my car only to see it'd been robbed and the windows smashed. Pays to be nice. FML

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By oh poop - 30/01/2016 08:46 - United States - Redmond

Today, I pooped! I eat a lot and I have a fast metabolism, but it's very rare for me to poop without help. I got so excited I ran into my brothers room to tell him, little did I know he was on group Skype. And yes, they did hear. FML

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By WeddingCrasher - 30/01/2016 08:08 - Canada - Maple Ridge

Today, my Christian friend asked me to come to her piano recital at her church. The church's name just so happened to be the same as the church that was near my home. I saw a group of people outside and wanted to ask them if she was there. Turns out, I interrupted a wedding. FML

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By ZheiraBlue - 30/01/2016 07:51 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I learned just how much the people at my old job hate me. We hired them to cater an event at school and the cookies had lemon. I'm allergic to lemon. FML

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By justno - 30/01/2016 07:42 - United States - Wheeling

Today, I took my girlfriend of 2 years to a fancy restraunt and I was going to propose to her by having the ring placed in her wine glass. The wine came but without the ring. Turns out the restraunt lost the ring in the 10 minutes they had it. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/01/2016 07:07 - Australia - Fairfield

Today I was giving a mini spelling test to my two daughters. I then spelt out the words at the end. One of my daughters spelt toaster 'toster'. She is 16. My other daughter is 10 and spelt everything correctly. Fml

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By wellshit - 30/01/2016 07:05 - China - Shanghai

Today, while looking for my mother's makeup, as instructed, I found her lube instead. FML

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By pessimist - 30/01/2016 07:05 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I told my boss that if I wasn't feeling well tomorrow morning I wouldn't be coming in to work. She told me to stop being "so fucking pessimistic", and that it's all in my head. I've had a fever for days, and it doesn't look like it's breaking any time soon. I work in retail. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/01/2016 06:54 - United States - Chelmsford

Today at 11:30 pm I took half of a vicodin to cope with the pain from my rheumatoid arthritis and help me sleep. The pain subsided, but it made me strangely more awake. It is now 2 am and it's starting to wear off. So I'm getting sleepy, but my pain is coming back which prevents me from sleep. FML

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By Sick and Sober - 30/01/2016 06:53 - United States - Liberty

Today, I went out to the bar with my brother and his friend. Later I was the only one who got sick and vomited in the bathroom. If that wasn't bad enough, I was the designated driver and didn't even have any drinks. FML

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By dick - 30/01/2016 06:47 - Canada - Prince Albert

Today, I realized how much I've been coughing when I coughed and my abs, back, butt and chest hurt. Still sicker than a dog. FML

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By DamnitSeth - 30/01/2016 05:58 - United States - Bradenton

Today, I had to pick up my wasted roommate from the bar and drive him home. Halfway there, he opened the passenger door and jumped out, only to piss on the side of the road, puke, then pass out in it. We were 15 miles out still... FML

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By worstweekever - 30/01/2016 05:47 - United States - Webster

Today, I capped off the worst week of my entire life by being fired from the job I held for over two and a half years based on a technicality. FML

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By no sleep - 30/01/2016 05:44 - United States - Denton

Today, it's midnight and there's a car horn going off every minute. No one knows where the car is or who's car it is and no one is making an effort to fix the problem. I have to be up at 6 in the morning. FML

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By Dilexar - 30/01/2016 05:33 - United States - Copperas Cove

Today, I stayed up till 4 AM rushing through an essay I needed to finish before the due date. It wasn't until I tried turning it in that I had the date wrong. It wasn't due today. It was due today, NEXT month. FML

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By ford12345 - 30/01/2016 05:09 - United States - Naperville

Today, things have been going good with my girlfriend for about 8 months now until she starting listening to her friend (who has never had boyfriend) on how our relationship should work things are going down hill very quickly. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/01/2016 05:08 - United States - Woodbine

Today, I was extremely sick and ended up going to the hospital during school. I had a major test in the class period after the one I ended up leaving, so I emailed the teacher to ask her when I can make it up. She won't let me - she thinks I faked being sick because I was unprepared. FML

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By j_portal - 30/01/2016 05:08 - United States - Teaneck

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. Why? Because I got lost and used his uber to get back home..I'm starting to think he was just trying to find an excuse. FML

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The Top

Today, I was on my hour long bus ride home with a full bladder. Right as the bus reached my stop, the time I spent holding it in was over. I didn't make it out of the aisle before I peed my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 169

You deserved it 7 436

Today, my doctor told me that the intense, non stop ringing in my ears, which started suddenly at the beginning of the year, has no cure, no treatment options, and I just need to learn to live with it. I have severe auditory sensory issues, and have barely been getting by. I don't know what to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 140

You deserved it 125

Today, my mother resolved to never visit McDonald's again. Not because of ethics or health concerns, but because they charged her for extra barbecue sauce. She bitched out the man in the drive-through for a good five minutes, while I sat awkwardly in the passenger's seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 447

You deserved it 3 290

Today, I had sex with this guy. His dad came upstairs and poked his head through the door right after we had finished, but were still naked in bed. All he said was, "No twins," and walked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 474

You deserved it 4 517

Today, a police officer pulled me over. He asked me where I was headed, so I jokingly replied, "Probably to jail after you run my name". He laughed and took my information, only to then arrest me for unpaid parking tickets I never received. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 154

You deserved it 8 502

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because his wife found out about me. And by extension, I found out about his wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 220

You deserved it 207