Nearly FMLs

By PingusTheDingus - 29/01/2016 15:21 - United States - Burneyville

Today, I went to feed my puppy. I filled his bowl, left the room, and came back a few minutes later to do some laundry. Only to realize that he was not just asleep in his bed. He was dead. FML

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You deserved it 0

By GregFML - 29/01/2016 15:17 - France

Today, I walked in on my father and brother attempting to haromize their farts. FML

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By Jeff - 29/01/2016 15:16 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found out that the trusted office manager of our doctor's office and our very close friend for 10 years stole over $200,000 from us over a period of 7 years from ATM machines, grocery stores and even used $65,000 to pay off her credit cards, leaving us with over 90,000 in bills.

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By Breakdown - 29/01/2016 15:15 - United States - New York

Today, I forgot it was my dad's birthday, despite using his birthday to unlock his PC when I woke up. FML

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By SicklyinLove - 29/01/2016 15:15 - United States

Today, is the day I'm supposed to have my first "date" with an old friend of mine, hoping to go into something more as the night progresses. Two days ago I also had a small sore spot in my throat, the day I made plans with the guy. I've now lost my voice and can't breathe without coughing. FML

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By mariri9206 - 29/01/2016 14:33 - United States - Chicago

Today, I realized that management at my job have no concept of communication. How did I find out? They put a Sunday shift back on my schedule after a coworker and I switched it (at co-worker's behest) and didn't even ask me if I could still come in or if it was okay to add it without telling me. FML

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By nevergoodenough - 29/01/2016 14:30 - Belgium - Brussels

Today, after having organised a dinner for 15 people, only 10 of them showed up at the restaurant, causing my boss to pay for 5 non-eaters due to restaurant policy. Afterwards he blamed me for the whole thing, saying I should anticipate situations better. Right.... FML

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By SageSPIDER24 - 29/01/2016 14:20 - United States - Davenport

I was getting ready for bed and as I climbed into bed and was on my phone I went to sneeze, as I did I heard someone say bless you from the front room. This would be nice if I didn't live alone.FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By lucky_me - 29/01/2016 14:08 - Romania - Bucharest

Today, my now ex-boyfriend and I we're arguing about how he treats me like crap. He angrily responded 'do you expect me to act like a gentleman with you?'FML

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By NicoleP1993 - 29/01/2016 14:03 - Netherlands - Katwijk

Today, I quickly went to the bathroom while registering for my Masters online. When I came back, my roommate's psycho friend had wrongly registerd me for the child psychology master. Her reasoning? "I know you don't want to have children, so studying them will change your mind." FML

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By salii321 - 29/01/2016 14:02 - Australia

Today, my depression and anxiety are deteriorating. This is all due to the fact that I'm afraid to come out to my parents. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/01/2016 14:00 - United States - Lansing

Today, like everyday I walked into my job as a caregiver at a daycare. I heard the class Guinea pig crying for food as he always does. That's when I remembered he died a few days ago. FML

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By Josie - 29/01/2016 13:51 - United States - Frisco

Today, while at Starbucks with my best friend, a very attractive man came and sat in front of us. I decided to try to impress him by saying smart things. Then he walked up to me and told me to shut up because I am pathetic. FML

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By Revreo - 29/01/2016 13:38 - United States - Herndon

Today, I got a random text message saying "ITS OVER TOM!!!" I'm not in a relationship with anyone. It turns out someone is stealing my Facebook posts and posts them on a fake account just to cheat on girls somehow. FML

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By oh dear me - 29/01/2016 13:16 - United States - Bronx

Today, I found out I was the accident child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By blueRocks - 29/01/2016 13:13 - United States

Today, I haven't been sleeping well for months. Last night I soaked in Epsom salt to help me sleep. It worked! But my husband always sets alarms for 4am & 5am & doesn't get up till 6am. I didn't get to bed till after 12am due to my job. I can't get back to sleep! FML

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By Anonymous - 29/01/2016 11:59 - United States - Leesburg

Today, I asked my boyfriend if I could go through his phone since he had been acting weird. He said I could. When I confronted him about the messages proving he cheated on me, he got angry that I looked at them in the first place and won't even talk to me about it. FML.

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By Shoes for sale - 29/01/2016 11:54 - United States - Swartz Creek

Today, my girlfriend of three years broke up with me because of my "bad taste in shoes." FML

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By assassinmaster - 29/01/2016 10:56 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, my WTF lameass flatmate tried heating up a metal spoon in the microwave "because the ice cream won't scoop". I now get an exploded microwave, two empty fire extinguishers and a fire-blackened wall. He is an engineering undergrad. PHYSICS, PHYSICS! FML

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By musdesimd - 29/01/2016 10:52 - United States - San Francisco

Today, as any other day I have to perform a pelvic exam on a patient. She had shit around her anal area that got plastered under the plastic speculum. I vomited. FML

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By piercedbiatch - 29/01/2016 10:14 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriends main priorities, we are tight on money as we dont have income, we were low on food and a new magic the gathering set came out he bought cards instead of food we have two weeks before we can get some food. FML

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By ItDrewBlood - 29/01/2016 09:56 - United Kingdom - Newcastle Upon Tyne

Today, a sign hanging from the ceiling broke off and hit my head, knocking me out. The sign said "Mind your head!" FML.

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By tlnorman - 29/01/2016 09:54 - Canada - Victoria

Today, my mother in law is angry with me for a post I wrote on Facebook about dog adoption from a shelter, versus purchasing an expensive purebred dog. She's refusing to speak to me or see me, and now we don't know if she'll still take care of our dog when we go on our holiday that's coming up. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/01/2016 09:50 - United Kingdom - Newcastle Upon Tyne

Today, I was quietly playing video games in bed at midnight, when a male voice outside my door said, "Rob, stop it." I reflexively replied, "Sorry, Dad" and shut everything off and went to sleep. Then I remembered. My Dad was out of town. I'm still shivering. FML.

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By YoureWelcomeAsshat - 29/01/2016 09:42 - United Kingdom - Newcastle Upon Tyne

Today, I mowed the lawn, vacuumed the entire house and washed mine and my Mum's cars, all because I was sick of hearing my Dad complain about them. I sat down to relax with my IPad. Just then, my Dad came home and accused me of "being glued to my technology" and "never giving him a hand". FML.

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By Anonymous - 29/01/2016 09:34 - United Kingdom - Newcastle Upon Tyne

Today, I was shoved and called a "f*cking atheist". Why? I don't support either of the two local football teams. FML.

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By Anonymous - 29/01/2016 09:29 - United Kingdom - Newcastle Upon Tyne

Today, I was reading a book on the bus home, and some asshat decided to lean over and spoil the ending. I got mad, slamming the book shut and telling him loudly to piss off. It was my boss' son. FML

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By rightlessonwrong - 29/01/2016 08:41 - United States - Katy

Today, after spending two solid weeks listening to my friend bitch about her cheating girlfriend, I found out she's taking her back. FML.

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By WhoreforFood - 29/01/2016 08:29 - United States - Fresno

Today, I get more excited for food than being with my boyfriend. FML

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By ShitStrom - 29/01/2016 07:47 - Australia - Drummoyne

Today, I had to get rid of my birds because the real estate decided the 'pets allowed' rule could be turned into 'no pets'. My boyfriend couldn't part with his cat so he's keeping her here despite possible eviction. He doesn't realise how unfair I think this is. FML

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend stated that we should play a game where one person asks the other a question, and they answer it with a picture. I thought it sounded fun so I said yes. His first question was, "Do you shave your vagina?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 138

You deserved it 9 474

Today, I tried to go to the gym, but I ended up watching cat videos on YouTube for three hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 147

You deserved it 39 435

Today, aside from clearing out my bank accounts and having an affair, the kicker was finding out my fiancé planned on taking himself and his mistress to Cancun for his birthday, while I would be attending the Marine Corps boot camp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 678

You deserved it 172

Today, I had a dream that I was playing fetch with my dog. It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't woken up to the sound of my phone smashing against the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 832

You deserved it 4 772

Today, it's been one week since I found out that my ex got married. Since then, every night I dream about her breaking up with me again. Apparently, time doesn't heal all wounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 768

You deserved it 175

Today, I was babysitting, and after the kids fell asleep I started hiding the Easter candy. They woke up when I was half-done, and it didn't take them long to figure out what was going on. They won't stop crying, and every time I go near them, they scream "LIAR!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 895

You deserved it 8 037