Nearly FMLs

By minorlovingisntgoodloving - 31/01/2016 06:06 - United States

Today my father introduced me to his girlfriend. She is a year younger than I am. That means he is 38 and she is sixteen. Her parents set them up, fml.

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By notpaying - 31/01/2016 05:56 - Australia

Today my housemate messaged the other housemates letting us know that her sub-let fell through because of the pest infestation. She expects us to split the cost of the refund with her because it's 'no one's fault'. I've been here less than a month and the mouse and ants were here when I moved in.FML

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By rapunzel3416 - 31/01/2016 05:26 - United States - Colton

Today, after two months of waiting to see a specialist for the unbearable pain in my wrist I finally had my appointment. He looked at my wrist, asked me a few questions, then shrugged. I now have to wait another two months for the new Dr. he referred me to. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/01/2016 05:23 - France - Toulouse

Today, my girlfriend and I had a heart to heart. I told her about my dream of being a dad and my love for children. She told me about her extreme phobia of pregnancy and pregnant women. FML

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By Hair Fetish? - 31/01/2016 05:14 - United States - Morgantown

Today, I went to the club for only the 2nd time in my life. Some guy started dancing with me and everything was fine. That is, until I realized he may have a hair fetish when he started yanking my hair. FML.

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By pixxy - 31/01/2016 05:09 - United States - Chattanooga

Today, I found out that my work's policy when 'guests' come in late, though they know we close at 10PM, we are never allowed to ask them to be on their way... Not even if they sit at their table until 12AM then decide they want to shop until 1AM... I'm the cashier... I had to wait for them... FML

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By Anonymous - 31/01/2016 04:28 - United States - Richmond

Today, I was removed from my unpaid volunteer position. I thought I was doing a relatively good job. FML

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By December6mylove - 31/01/2016 04:27 - United States - Shingle Springs

Today, I came home from a weekend trip to my best friends college. As soon as I got home I went to my boyfriend's house only to find a pink hairbrush in his car. Thankfully he wasn't cheating on me. Instead, I found out he invited homeless people into his car and smoked meth with them.

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By ApparentlyTroublesomeYouth - 31/01/2016 04:17 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I got kicked off a bus on my way to school. Why? Because an old man punched me. FML.

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By drangonangel14 - 31/01/2016 04:14 - United States - West Des Moines

Today, my room mate came home with two bearded dragons and a python. She claims that she doesn't have enough money to pay extra for garbage removal and pay me back, yet was able to by a snake two bearded dragons and a huge set up for them all.... FML

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By Anon - 31/01/2016 04:11 - United States - El Cerrito

Today, I went to the store to buy some chips. I was about to pay for my things when I had a serious case of diarrhea and had to sprint to the bathroom. Not only did I not make it and had to go in my pants, there was no toilet paper. FML

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By grounded - 31/01/2016 04:06 - United States - Rock Hill

Today, I had to explain to my 17 year old sister that you can't bake cookies in the microwave. She tried to blame the dough covered microwave on me. FML

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By Anon - 31/01/2016 03:56 - United States - El Cerrito

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By cuddlebunny31912 - 31/01/2016 03:50 - United States - Coventry

Today, My cat was drinking out of the toilet I didn't want her to fall in so I tried to grab her. She ended up getting scared and falling in anyway...now she's soaked, FML

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By turtlenecksfromnowon - 31/01/2016 03:50 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, my boss told me that the only reason I have my desk in the only cubicle with a window is because of my choice of v-neck tops. Apparently when he walks by my window he gets an amazing view of my cleavage. FML

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By shesfinenow - 31/01/2016 03:49 - United States - New Paltz

Today, my drunk girlfriend burst into tears and refused to talk to me because I wouldn't make her bacon. She's a kosher Jew. FML

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By pshtuthinkicare - 31/01/2016 03:47 - United States - Port Saint Lucie

Today, I forgot to clock out at my job so I asked my manager to fix the situation for me. He ended up completely wiping out my hours and saying that I didn't come in to work at all. I worked an extremely busy shift to get paid absolutely nothing. FML

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By anonymous - 31/01/2016 03:47 - United States - Rockland

Today,my husband and I were going to a park with our kid but he said that he did not feel good when I got back I saw him having sex with my best friend. FML

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By Tigerenvision - 31/01/2016 03:35 - United States - Victorville

Today, I was challenged by a classmate during lunch to do an arm wrestle. I lost. After that, I decided to challenge all of my friends to arm wrestle. I lost every time with my right hand. I was able to win with my left hand. I'm dominantly a right hander, but I fap with my left. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/01/2016 03:31 - United States - Ludington

Today, I hid in the pitch black to scare my friend. She hid as well, and made me jump, bang my toe on a wall, and proceed to then trip on her stairs and fall face first. FML

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By emmabae - 31/01/2016 03:29 - United States - Ringgold

Today,I found out my ex only dated me so he could take pictures of my ass when I was playing volleyball. FML

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By anon-a-moose - 31/01/2016 03:27 - United States - Gorham

Today, My crush of 2 years finally asked me out. I got very excited and even cried. I typed yes (because it was over text) and as I was about to hit send he said "oh my god so sorry, wrong person". He is now dating my best friend.

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By Humaned - 31/01/2016 03:16 - Curacao - Willemstad

Today, my parents practically laughed in my face when I told them I was contemplating suicide. FML

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By sarcasm_insanity - 31/01/2016 03:13 - United States - Richmond

Today, I was at work and we were very busy. I had to ask a customer to park until his food was ready. Someone brought it out but he came back and started bitching about me forgetting something. He told me I am a horrible employee who gave out low quality food. What did I forget? Marinara sauce. FML

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By baddriver - 31/01/2016 03:03 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I found out how much damage concrete mailboxes can do to the tailgate of not only my car, but also my wallet. FML.

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By mortified - 31/01/2016 02:46 - United States - Seattle

Today, I sexted my boyfriend. Turns out he let his mom borrow his Mac. Guess who replied. Fml.

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By Anonymous - 31/01/2016 02:41 - United States - Queen Creek

Today, I waited at work an hour and a half after closing for a customer that promised to pay $100 of we'd wait for her was a no show. When I called to find out where she was, she told me that she had called in and cancelled the day before. Nobody bothered to tell me. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/01/2016 02:01 - United States - Warsaw

Today my crush finally asked me to do something. Unfortunately it was to help him put together a perfect plan to ask out HIS crush. FML

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By :'( - 31/01/2016 01:40 - Japan - Tokyo

Today, after hunting wildly half way around Japan for my lost camera handed from one authority to the next I finally found it at the local police station of a small town and I can collect it by Monday. I fly out of the country early Monday morning. Well, that's half a holiday down the drain. FML

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By IRule182 - 31/01/2016 01:36 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was playing tennis with my cousin when a guy came up and asked me if I played. I told him I didn't and said, "Good, don't ever." FML

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The Top

Today, I'm in love with my best friend. We are intimate but live 24 hours away from one another. We had been discussing him moving closer to me, which was a recent turn of events and I was elated. We could finally be together… until some unexpected tragic news uncovered a kid he wasn't aware of. Now he's a single dad and staying put. FML

I agree, your life sucks 477

You deserved it 133

Today, it's the first day in 14 weeks I've got dressed up and gone out anywhere other than to go food shopping. Shame it’s to attend a funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 605

You deserved it 257

Today, my boyfriend of two years broke up with me. Why? His best mate got dumped yesterday and my boyfriend thought it would be 'more fun' to be 'single lads together'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 421

You deserved it 3 200

Today, I was awoken at the ungodly hour of 1 a.m. to find that everything was very dark and quiet. It took me way more time than I'd like to admit to figure out that there was a blackout. As I tried to doze off again, I was jump-scared by the sound of everything coming on again. This happened twice. FML

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You deserved it 161

Today, my wife of 12 years informed me that the only sexual activity she is interested in is foreplay, and she absolutely doesn't want to go any further than that anymore. FML

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Today, I discovered that my heart rate is higher while playing Tetris than it is during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 640

You deserved it 6 481