Nearly FMLs

By justash12 - 30/01/2016 05:02 - United States - Fort Lee

Today, marks month four of my never ending cold symptoms. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/01/2016 04:44 - United States - Brighton

Today, after recently catching back up on bills from a recent car repair, and being excited about getting my taxes back soon and being able to spend it on what I want, I hit a deer on my way home from work. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/01/2016 04:30 - United States - Rochester

Today, I discovered my son's pot stash. Today, not entirely coincidentally, I made a quiche. For all you wannabe stoners out there, the spice cabinet is perhaps too good a hiding spot. On the bright side, everyone wanted seconds. FML

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By skyfoxx - 30/01/2016 04:28 - United States

Today I went out to the movies on a date, everything was going great until I drove her home. Trying to be a gentleman by opening her door, I quickly hopped out and proceeded to slip on ice and fracture my hip. She opened the door for herself. FML

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By dtdrpepperguy - 30/01/2016 04:20 - United States - Grand Forks

Today, I went up to give a speech for my Public Speaking class. I barely made it through the opening paragraph when some guy in the back threw a rock at me. It wouldn't have been so bad if the rock didn't hit and break my $600 computer.

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By NickACD - 30/01/2016 04:13 - United States - El Cajon

Today, I realized just how lonely I am when I was anxiously waiting for 1 out of 6 prostitutes to text back. FML

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By ouch - 30/01/2016 04:07 - United States - Kansas City

Today, while shaving my legs, I bumped the button in my bathtub to activate the jets and the jest powered on while I didn't have enough water in the tub and I had no idea I even touched the button... Now, I have a big cut in my leg because of the way I jumped in horror FML

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By red_owl - 30/01/2016 04:00 - United States - Hudsonville

Today, I told my mom that I'm moving out because she is crazy. Once I was free of her she convinced my family that she kicked me out because I'm "dangerous and aggressive". Now I get disapproving glances and scolded by them when I stick up for myself... FML

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By Ty777ed - 30/01/2016 03:40 - United States - Westford

Today, I have a little bit of a stinkbug problem. I woke up and went for a sip of my water, only to find out a stinkbug was in the nozzle. It went in my mouth and I cant get the taste out. FML.

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By universitysucks - 30/01/2016 03:38 - Australia - Sydney

Today, after months of putting up with my Vietnamese housemate constantly leaving her dirty laundry either in the sink or in the washer (to which I've left passive and polite notes) I've overheard her speaking fluent Aussie English. She just doesn't care. FML

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By ohno - 30/01/2016 03:19 - United States - Richland

Today, at school, I tripped and my face landed right on to a random girl's butt. I was very embarrassed and so was she. Everyone called me Cunt Destroyer for the rest of the day. FML.

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By twinling - 30/01/2016 02:56 - Canada - Cold Lake

Today, my boyfriend of 4+ years packed up all of his shit during the night and left this morning FML

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By Coppersword - 30/01/2016 02:46 - United States - Brandon

Today, at school, I had to go to the bathroom and the closest one was in the nurses office. After I finished I turned to say goodbye, still walking. I somehow managed to run into the door and break my nose. On the bright side, I was in the nurses office. Yay? FML

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By TheGoodSamaritan - 30/01/2016 02:37 - United States - Zanesville

Today, I lent my brother $800 to buy a car, to get a job, because I thought that was what brothers did. Well I found out that not only am I not getting paid back, but the money went to his girlfriend as a security deposit on a trailer that she can't even move into. I'm in college and have $0 now.FML

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By NoGo - 30/01/2016 02:10 - United States - San Francisco

Today, 2 months after I caught my would-be husband fucking my sister before our wedding, I received a wedding invitation from my sister along with a note informing me that she's 3 months pregnant and that the father is my ex. My family doesn't understand why I don't want to see her or him. FML.

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By TheodoreFinch - 30/01/2016 02:05 - United States

Today, while driving, some jerk in front of me stopped while I was on the train tracks. Unable to move, I started thinking of horrible scenarios in my head. Forgetting they were unreal, I accelerated forward and hit the car in front of me. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/01/2016 02:00 - United States - Wilson

Today, I woke up on my birthday in a relationship. I'll go to bed another year older, and single. FML

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By idiot - 30/01/2016 01:44 - United States - Bellevue

Today, I showed my mom how I got accepted into Harvard. Her reaction? "How did that happen?"FML

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By Mother Nature knows u r an asshole - 30/01/2016 01:41 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, the guy I'm talking to got mad at me because I cancelled my plans to go see him. After over 2 feet of snow, trains and buses were canceled making it difficult to travel upstate but somehow it is my fault. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/01/2016 01:36 - United States - Saint Paul

Today while returning from a business trip to Colorado, I downed a half pound bag of Swedish Fish my coworker had brought with him on the flight. Turns out they were laced with pot. After spending the remainder of the flight trying desperately not to die, I may have ended up on the no fly list. FML

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By Roomies - 30/01/2016 01:22 - United States - Clover

Today, I had to explain to my 22 year old brother, who was evicted from his flat and is now crashing at my place, that water and electricity costs aren't included in the initial rent. FML

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By 3dges - 30/01/2016 01:08 - Canada - Stony Plain

Today, I went over to my friends house, His parents weren't home so we decided to make our own food, I told him to boil some water so we could make soup. He needed help because he didn't know what boiling water looked like. We are both in high school. FML

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By Butter me up - 30/01/2016 01:06 - United States - Columbus

Today, I realized my brother only talks or jokes with me right before he brings his boyfriend over, so when they have sex at our house, I don't snitch to our parents. Sex that I can hear, loud and clear. I value the few times he talks with me too much to address it. FML.

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By ryan9395 - 30/01/2016 00:44 - United States - Mount Kisco

Today, while trying to avoid a fight with my girlfriend, I inadvertently started a fight with my girlfriend. FML

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By AtLeastIHaveWifi - 30/01/2016 00:38 - United States - Longmont

Today, I came home to find that the spare key I use to unlock my house was gone. After an hour, I realized the door was open and ecstatically yanked the screen door open. I pulled it so quickly that the main door was sucked closed. My brother doesn't get home for another 3 hours. FML

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By sarika - 30/01/2016 00:18 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, my boyfriend came to get me from college. The first thing he did was run to me, pick me up in his arms, and say, "Honey, you're gorgeous!" followed by, "What happened?" FML

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By ldhull - 30/01/2016 00:15 - United States - West Des Moines

Today I applied to work for my city's Police Department. I was sure I was going to get the job because there was only one other guy who applied. Turns out he is mayor's kid. And guess who's getting the job? FML

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By Shadova - 30/01/2016 00:10 - Australia - Greenwich

Today, I was walking home from work and this guy in a trench coat walks by me, I thought he looked a bit sus so I was cautious as I walked by him. I felt a tap on my shoulder. the guy in the trench coat had flashed me, but instead of his penis I saw a stay in school don't do drugs shirt. I'm 22. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/01/2016 00:09 - United States - Bronx

Today, when me and my boyfriend were in the middle of having sex, he told me he was going out with my best friend. When I got mad, he still wanted to finish. FML

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By anon - 29/01/2016 23:42 - Canada - Westerose

Today, after weeding out toxic people in my life I realized I no longer have any friends and I barely speak to most of my family. I now sit at home most of the time feeling lonely. At least with my old friends I had a life. FML

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The Top

Today, the professionally-installed sex swing ceiling mount my husband insisted on, but never lasted long enough to make use of, was converted into a baby suspension swing for our toddler. He was right about it, but I still can’t admit it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 940

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Today, I'm trapped in my apartment, due to the fact that five raccoons have decided to sit outside my only door and prevent me from getting out. Every time I look at one, they hiss at me. FML

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You deserved it 5 791

Today, I discovered that my girlfriend has been lying to me about having a long-term illness requiring multiple trips to the doctor's. She isn't ill, she was cheating on me with the local GP. So I’ve literally driven her to the clinic and then sat in the waiting room while she screwed the doctor. FML

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Today, I was walking with my boyfriend down the street and a really hot guy walked past with no shirt on. While distracted by his hardened stomach muscles, I promptly walked into a pole, then became single. FML

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You deserved it 72 274

Today, my girlfriend, who's been in relationship with me for almost two years, told me she's worried that she's going to leave me for another rich guy "in the future", so to prevent that, she's gonna leave me right now. FML

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Today, I realized I’m what they call “first world poor.” I own a phone and a laptop paid for with credit, and every time I use them it’s to check my emails to see all my new job application rejections, and to check my bank so I can watch my savings dwindling away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 275

You deserved it 74