Nearly FMLs

By Weirdo - 31/01/2016 01:35 - Australia - Concord

Today, I went to work at a daycare for kids as usual, but they had a new autistic child who screamed at me and hit me and grabbed my breast, I yelled at him and he screamed and I was fired. FML

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By beezybaby4714 - 31/01/2016 01:30 - United States - Haskell

Today, I was told my dad is refusing to come to my wedding. His only reason is because him and my mom are divorced. I have to get my best friends dad to give me away. FML.

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By Eileen - 31/01/2016 01:26 - Anonymous Proxy

Today, my 5 year old grandson called me and said the following "Granny, I'm scared, mummy is shouting at daddy really loud because daddy was helping a lady wash herself in the shower without any clothes on. Daddy has no clothes on either, his thingy looks weird." FML

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By Samurai Bulok - 31/01/2016 01:06 - United States - New York

Today, while doing some chores at my girlfriend's parents' house, I was asked by her dad if she "rode the baloney pony". I don't know how to answer that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By psychoEX - 31/01/2016 00:47 - United States - Mission

Today, I fell asleep on the couch. When I woke up, my ex girlfriend was on the recliner across from me watching me sleep and smiling. FML

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By broken - 31/01/2016 00:30 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got broken up with over text after almost 6 months of dating. I was in public and everyone saw me burst into tears and run away. FML

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By WaterBoy - 31/01/2016 00:27 - United States - Murphysboro

Today, I was without water for 2 days due to a water main break from a guy my landlord hired. Finally got water back and the guy comes back and busts the water main yet again. FML

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By Girl-in-trouble-soon. - 31/01/2016 00:24 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, my sister thought it would be funny if she hid my laptop. She now can't remember where she hid it. There's important stuff on that laptop for my dad who's expecting to put his stuff in a dongle first thing tomorrow morning. She laughed when I told her and said tough luck and walked way. FML

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By MDoremis - 31/01/2016 00:21 - United States - Honolulu

Today, in an attempt to be healthy I started doing squats while I was watching a TV program. I had to pee standing up in the shower because I couldn't sit without crying in pain. FML

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By LifehasLemons - 31/01/2016 00:16 - United States - Reno

Today, my ex whom cheated and left me for another woman, threatened suicide if I don't give her another 'chance'. This was her second chance. She cheated on me the first time too. FML.

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By Bigdog107 - 31/01/2016 00:13 - United States - Arlington

Today, my school district decided not to extend the quarter after 11 days off due to over two feet of snow. I now have 3 days to save my grades before my transcripts are sent to colleges. FML

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By Hairy legs - 31/01/2016 00:06 - Australia - Sydney

Today, well last night, I was out on the back verandah having a beer. I was getting attacked my mozzies so I went for the insect repellent but in the darkness I grabbed a can of spray-on adhesive by mistake. Turns out that it's really hard to get glue off a hairy leg. FML

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By SPN - 30/01/2016 23:42 - United States

Today, I bought my boyfriend a 200$ watch only for him to text me and tell me we were over. FML

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By notthisagain - 30/01/2016 23:10 - United States - Inman

Today, my boyfriend decided to give his sister a ride to get groceries. Which wouldn't be bad, except we have an active court case against her for assaulting me and my one year old daughter. Go figure. FML.

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By Anonymous - 30/01/2016 22:55 - United States - Yadkinville

Today, my cousin called off her wedding to her ex husband. I was supposed to be a bridesmaid and already bought the dress. Now I'm stuck with a dress that looks terrible on me. FML

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By 0k3up - 30/01/2016 22:48 - United Kingdom

Today, I was reversing out of my drive, or at least I would have been had the car been in reverse and not first. Luckily the only thing in front was a brick wall. FML

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By rbobby99 - 30/01/2016 22:40 - United States - West Grove

Today, I went to work sick with a doctors note I was sent home and when I came in today they wrote me up for not working that day. FML.

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You deserved it 0

By man_child_anon - 30/01/2016 22:18 - United States

Today, I was driving in a two lane road when out of nowhere the car next to me merged into my lane and ripped off my bumper. I pulled over while he kept on driving and I didn't catch his license plate. My parents blame me for the accident and are making me pay. FML

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By goobmooch - 30/01/2016 22:03 - United States - Bar Harbor

Today, I told my mom about some black mold on the ceiling. She refused it was anything but an act of god because it helped remind her she has a paint coupon that she should use soon. Help me. FML.

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By Anonymous - 30/01/2016 21:45 - United States - Ellijay

Today, I rear-ended someone, pushing my front bumper back into my motor, because I was avoiding hitting someone in my lane on a bicycle. FML.

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By IamHM - 30/01/2016 21:27 - United States - Albuquerque

Today I went to a BodyPump class. We finished a really tough power-press set and I decided to just let my bar drop. It was super heavy and it landed right on my foot and broke it. I had to be carried out on a stretcher. Way to look super cool, NOT! FML

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By suckmydickmosquito - 30/01/2016 21:25 - Australia - North Lakes

Today, I had to pee. Since I had a type of pants that requires being held, both hands were busy. A mosquito thought this would be a perfect time to attack my knob. The choice between pissing everywhere or being bitten was a hard one. It's painful. FML.

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By haymac - 30/01/2016 21:18 - United States - Hattiesburg

Today, I got an erection from plugging my headphones into my phone. FML

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By Jif_Creamy - 30/01/2016 21:08 - United States - Middletown

Today, at work (I'm a waiter) I checked to see if I've gotten a tip and all I found a half dollar sized coin that read "Jesus as your Savior is more valuable than any coin".FML

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By catwomam - 30/01/2016 21:02 - United States - Sioux Falls

Today, my dad threatened to kick me out of the house for asking if he would make sure the cat didn't get out. What? FML

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By Anononon - 30/01/2016 20:43 - United States - Altoona

I've been dating a guy online for awhile in secrecy from my family. While we were in the midst of Skyping, my Mom caught me and asked who I was talking to. I had to sit there in pure embarrassment while the two of them talked. FML

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By Timmip12 - 30/01/2016 20:38 - United States - San Jose

Today, I had a conversation with a girl I've been talking to. It turns out that saying you don't think you are ready for a serious relationship means that you are a fuck boy and a player with no regard for the other persons feelings. Half the school hates me. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Anon - 30/01/2016 20:28 - United States - Altoona

I finally started to do some sexual things with my boyfriend. He was a virgin, and when he went down to eat me out, he gagged. FML

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By sam - 30/01/2016 20:19 - United States - Valley Springs

Today, my brother mentioned that there aren't any Asians that go to our school. When I pointed out the fact that one of his friends is Filipino, he explained that she isn't "actually" Asian because she was adopted by white people. He's 18. FML

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By hardworkdoesntpay - 30/01/2016 20:06

Today, my "work best friend" got my dream position at work, because me helping him with his paperwork has made him look good. FML

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The Top

Today, I've been staying with my parents while I have time off from school. They got drunk and started an entire family fight because my dad made pizza and my mom is lactose intolerant. She insists my dad did it on purpose because, "he's an asshole and knows I can't eat cheese." FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 823

You deserved it 1 389

Today, my boyfriend, who doesn't have a license, backed up my car in a Taco Bell parking lot. Someone else was also backing up and smashed right into my car. If they ask to see the camera footage, they're going to see he was driving and not me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 499

You deserved it 1 992

Today, I was working a kid's birthday party dressed as a clown. The child's mother made me change because he was scared of clowns. The only thing I had in my car was a princess costume that was owned by a girl co-worker. So for 4 hours I had to entertain in a tight pink dress. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 178

You deserved it 5 117

Today, I was texting the guy I like. He's really smart, funny, athletic, and cute. This all changed when he told me he was jacking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 948

You deserved it 8 899

Today, I once again got less than 20 hours of work for the entire week. My boss's solution? Double the staff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 730

You deserved it 75

Today, I was in the car with my friends. A techno song came on and we started fist-pumping. We hit a bump, I fist-pumped myself in the face, and crashed into a stop sign. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 149

You deserved it 54 021