Nearly FMLs

By britt110619 - 29/01/2016 07:45 - United States - Oak Forest

Today, I went to physical therapy for a neck injury only to come out feeling worse than ever before. FML.

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By WittyMoron - 29/01/2016 07:34 - United Kingdom

Today, I found a flyer for a BDSM club in my grandmother's drawer. It's the same address she has me take her to bingo every Tuesday. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/01/2016 07:15 - United States - Port Orchard

Last night I woke up to a scratching noise under my bed. Terrified I looked under and found my neighbors 10 year old son. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/01/2016 07:13 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I key'd some random dude's car today and now my keys don't work anymore. FML.

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By shiba10 - 29/01/2016 07:07 - Australia - Blakehurst

Today, my habit of not locking the bathroom door when I get up in the middle of the night showed its flaw when my brother came home drunk, I got up as quickly as I could in my drowsy state for him to then throw up half on the floor and half on my leg. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/01/2016 07:07 - United States - Bremerton

Last night I woke up to a scratching noise under my bed. Terrified I looked under and found my neighbors 10 year old son. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/01/2016 07:01 - Ukraine - Kiev

Today, I realized I look forward to a new episode of Adventure Time more than a night of sex with my girlfriend. I'm 27. FML.

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By Soniyaaaa - 29/01/2016 06:51 - United States - Anderson

Today, as I was walking home, the words, "fat whore" were screamed at me as an open can of soda was also thrown from a car driving by. This wouldn't be so bad except that its happened twice before, different cars + people each time. I don't have any other way to get home. FML.

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By AddieGirl18 - 29/01/2016 06:31 - United States - Boonville

Today, my boyfriend discovered that I put Cleaning balls in the toilet, he insists that he must indeed pee on them. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/01/2016 06:28 - United States - Birmingham

Today, After three days of searching, I found my dog, Houdini. Turns out, my neighbor's dog,Phantom,killed him, and hid his body under their porch. Her response to me bawling was " At least he died like the real Houdini. " FML

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By lifegoingdown - 29/01/2016 06:06 - United States - Neptune

Today, I found out my sister maxed my credit cards out. I told my mom and she said she's not sure if I should report it or to try to get the money from her to pay it off. She has no job and nothing going for her. If I don't report it I'm the one stuck paying over 20,000 and she gets off free.

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By blueRocks - 29/01/2016 05:46 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I managed to scare an 86 year old lady so badly that she had to be sent to the hospital! She was non-responsive for a couple of minutes so she had to be checked out. I have felt horrible all day & turns out I might get in a lot of trouble if the family presses charges. FML

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By Ginwa - 29/01/2016 05:33 - United States - Shreveport

Today, after having moved into my dad and stepmom's house in Texas for a year, I got kicked out basically because I skipped one morning class because of lack of sleep from the previous night. I have no car and work at GameStop as a GA. FML

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By IJustWannaBeHappy - 29/01/2016 05:31 - United States - Richmond

Today, after days of battling to get something out of my eye, i kept my eye open long enough to cause it to water. Upon doing this, my mom walked in and said "Do you need a therapist again?" She knows I struggle with depression and makes fun of it. FML.

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By DantheMan - 29/01/2016 05:27 - China - Shenzhen

Today, I slammed face first into a pole while playing basketball. I damaged the nerves in my lips and it won't heal for 2-3 months. I am a professional trumpet player with bills to pay. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/01/2016 05:11 - United States - Tampa

I'm an EMT and had used my phone to gps an address and someone called my supervisor claiming i was texting and driving with a patient in the ambulance. My job didn't bother to hear my side and put me on administrative leave. fml

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By Chapstick required - 29/01/2016 05:06 - United States - San Francisco

Today, as I was staring off into space in class it turns out I met a girls gaze while I was licking my chapped lips. I've been titled the English room creeper. FML

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By Caught pants down - 29/01/2016 05:03 - United States - Middlefield

Today, my boy toy and I got a little frisky and decided to go to a local park and unwind in the backseat. Well we lost track of time and before we both knew it a park ranger was there knocking on the car window. I know that ranger, now every time he comes to my work he can't stop giggling. FML

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By pandaninja220 - 29/01/2016 05:02 - United States - Walterboro

Today,I woke up from a dead sleep and had a panic attack because I thought I forgot to turn in my English homework, so I frantically emailed my teacher that I will turn it in ASAP in the morning then after I press send I realized.......it's not Monday. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/01/2016 04:49 - United States - South Windsor

Today, I got my wisdom teeth taken out. Everyone I know who's gone to this oral surgeon has said that they reacted to the medication just fine. I came out of anaesthesia and immediately almost threw up, which made my mouth hurt like hell. FML

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By VampObsessed - 29/01/2016 04:41 - United States

Today, after having only 4 days to pack up and move 2300 miles, the last thing to do was drive my car onto the trailer. The last thing my fiancé actually did was toss my car keys in the dumpster. It's been three hours and we can't find them. We have to leave tomorrow morning without delay. FML

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By i'm sarah and i'm stupid - 29/01/2016 04:32 - United States - Midland

Today, I found out that my school kicked me out of my honors geometry class, and put me in regular geometry. Turns out, the semi-brainiac I am forgot to turn in my honors project. I had it completed in Nov. last year. I can't switch back. FML.

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By Lepisma - 29/01/2016 04:32 - United States

Today, I went from constipation to diarrhea in the span of a single bowel movement. FML.

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By bad mother? - 29/01/2016 04:28 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, my 3 year old said a new sentence. Too bad it was calling me a bitch. The only person who can teach her that is her 5 year old brother. She won't stop saying it. FML

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By spooked - 29/01/2016 04:12 - United States - Lucama

Today, I overheard my kids talking about the "ghost" that lives in our house. I laughingly dismissed it until I was home alone and heard someone sneeze. FML

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By but i'm straight - 29/01/2016 04:11 - United States - Hudson

Today, my best friend saw me texting her girlfriend. After I refused to tell her what we were texting about, she accused me of trying to steal her girlfriend. We were planning her surprise birthday party. FML

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By badskinbadluck - 29/01/2016 04:03 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, in the waiting room at the dermatologist, I was checking facebook on my phone. There was a video designed as a gif of a cat. I tapped it. It was very loud porn. In the waiting room. FML

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By LostGirl9456 - 29/01/2016 03:59 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I accidentally called my ex boyfriend. Moments later, around 3pm, I got messages from his new girlfriend, threatening me, insulting me and telling me to leave him alone. She doesn't believe it was an accident and the messages haven't stopped. It's 8pm now. FML.

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By LostGirl9456 - 29/01/2016 03:53 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I realized after a year that my TV does, in fact, have buttons. I realized this after using my phones built in remote and constantly having to hang up on people to use it. FML.

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By fullalove - 29/01/2016 03:39 - United States - Livingston

Today, while showing pictures of my recent wreck to my grandma, my husband decided to send a spontaneous photo of his "business". Yes she saw, no she didn't look away. FML

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I'm officially no longer a teenager. I spent my birthday bedridden, because I've been extremely sick since the day before. This exact scenario happened last year too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 429

You deserved it 128

Today, I dropped my handbag into a water-filled gutter. As I was hurriedly fishing out the contents of my bag, I looked up. There was my ex, with the girl he left me for walking past, timed exactly to coincide with me manically scooping up one of many rapidly absorbing tampons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 574

You deserved it 2 267

Today, my boss walked in my office to see me busy making a little Post-it dress for my pen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 108

You deserved it 56 911

Today, I realized my father-in-law is basically Ron Swanson, when at a barbecue he ate some of my daughter's vegan sausages by mistake. When I told him they were vegan, he went to the bathroom, forced himself to throw them up, then sat and demolished 4 burgers, 8 sausages, and 6 chicken thighs, "LIKE A REAL MAN!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 839

You deserved it 250

Today, I got punched in the face, had hair ripped out of my skull and broke a tooth on the pavement when I fell. Some guy mistook me for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 701

You deserved it 1 765

Today, I lost what should've been the easiest bet ever. Now I have to let my girlfriend go at me with a strap-on or forever be known as a sore loser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 891

You deserved it 20 857