Nearly FMLs

By iwasacat - 29/01/2016 03:24 - Canada - Maple Ridge

Today, I worked an 8 hour shift during a "free product" promotion, despite being immensly sick. Since I'm pregnant, I can't take any medication, and was awake all night because I couldn't breathe or was choking on my snot. My male manager told me to take Tylenol when I complained of sinus pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By heyalmao - 29/01/2016 03:22 - United States

Today, I walked in on my girlfriend getting off to watermelon porn. That's a first. FML

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You deserved it 0

By jobless me :( - 29/01/2016 03:13 - United States - Winnetka

Today, I was once again denied an opportunity to have a job. It's been 6 years since my last job. I've been living in my parents living room since 2010. I cried when I found out I was rejected from McDonald's. FML.

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You deserved it 0

By maybellina - 29/01/2016 03:05 - United States - Charlottesville

Today, at the gym, I had terrible diarrhea. I was in there for a while, before some lady talking loudly on the phone burst in. Turns out, she was talking to 911 because someone reported an unresponsive person in the bathroom. FML

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You deserved it 0

By S.A.D - 29/01/2016 02:53 - United States - Westwood

Today, my psychiatrist told me to keep a close eye on my intense shifts to depression since it is winter time. Later in the session, she recommended a movie for me to watch. I don't understand how I am not supposed to be depressed after watching it. FML

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You deserved it 0

By bloobalooby - 29/01/2016 02:43 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my uber-religious grandma burst into my room, freaking out because she heard "weird sounds" and thought I was watching porn. I was just eating a really good burger.

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You deserved it 0

By BEJAKSJSHS - 29/01/2016 02:32 - United States - Bensalem

Today, I dropped my wallet someone went to give it to me and I thought they stole it. I tackled him and beat him up after people starting staring at me I realized he was trying to give it back. FML.

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You deserved it 0

By too much - 29/01/2016 02:25 - Australia - Geelong

Today, I realised just how bad my anxiety is when I scanned an item at the self serve checkout which was way more than intended and I was too afraid to interrupt the staff talking to her friend to take it off. I paid $8 for four rashers of shortcut bacon. I cried in the car. FML.

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You deserved it 0

By love2clean - 29/01/2016 02:22 - United States - Batavia

Today, I realized that my OCD reached a new level. My mop broke while cleaning the floor, I got excited because now I can go shopping for a new mop. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Sarah - 29/01/2016 02:13 - Sweden

Today, I found a bunch of video files my son had on his laptop. Thinking it was porn I had a look so I could embarrass him. As soon as I opened the video I got a warning message from my son who knew I would eventually go snooping and had caught me red handed on camera. Well played boy. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 29/01/2016 01:55 - Australia - Brunswick

Today, I received a publishing contract. As an aspiring author, this made me incredibly happy. Hours later, I find out that it was a scam to almost rob me of $5000. FML

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You deserved it 0

By that.one.guy - 29/01/2016 01:39 - United States

Today, during my English semester final, my teacher (who is male) walked in to check on us. I looked up and noticed a wet spot on his pants right at the end of a rather large bulge. He noticed me looking and winked at me. I don't change classes next semester.

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By Anonymous - 29/01/2016 01:37 - United States - Tunica

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend for being a jerk. Not ten minutes later my best friend made a post about how she has a new boyfriend. It just happened to be my ex. She said she was waiting for this moment. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Annoyed Girlfriend - 29/01/2016 01:37 - United States - Cookeville

Today, my boyfriend has been turning down every sexual advancement I've made for a month. I recently discovered that it is because, instead of seeing them as my way of saying I'm feeling intimate, he sees them as me trying to manipulate him into having sex with me. But it's ok if he does it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Jbug02 - 29/01/2016 01:20 - United States - Tampa

Today,I decided to take my dog on a car ride with me, he's a puppy so he got a little carsick which was fine. Not until I got home had I realized he had thrown up... In my work bag. My work bag filled with my clients orders,files,and my most important paperwork I own. FML

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You deserved it 0

By John - 29/01/2016 01:12 - United States - Burlingame

Today, I was hit by a car when I was walking on a crossword when the crossing sign was the walking man. The person who hit me got out of his car to yell at me for hitting his car and than drove off. FML

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You deserved it 0

By sammiaaron - 29/01/2016 01:05 - United States - Elmhurst

Today, the guy I'm seeing started petting my face. When I asked him what he was doing, he said he just really liked my face and wanted to wear it some day. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 29/01/2016 00:59 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my little 3 year old brother asked me what suicide was. Naturally, I asked where he had heard that. He responded by saying "I heard mommy saying she hopes you do it soon." FML

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You deserved it 1

By InTheFace - 29/01/2016 00:58 - United States - Santa Barbara

Today, I was in P.E., and I'm not the athletic type, when an incredibly athletic kid yelled,"HERE, CATCH," from across the field. All I could do was stand and say,"What?..." That's when it hit me, literally. FML

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By Misskreher - 29/01/2016 00:46 - United States - Smithton

Today, I found out why my lady parts are itching. I've been having cramps, and my stomach is growing. I'm pregnant. This would be fine, if I wasn't a teen and dating a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 29/01/2016 00:46 - United States - Bethel

Today, the girl I've been seeing was apparently to take the next step, as after our date she surprised me with a handjob in the car. What was also a surprise were the third degree burns her lotion caused to my penis. FML

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You deserved it 0

By who's your daddy - 29/01/2016 00:33 - United States - Garden Grove

Today, I heard a knock so I went out to look. There I found a baby in a basket with a note saying it belonged to me. I don't remember giving birth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By randy.com - 29/01/2016 00:28 - United Kingdom - Romford

Today, my fiancée told me that because I had insulted his ego by turning down sex three days ago, he would no longer be attempting to initiate intimacy. He announced this after turning me down for sex while I was in some sexy underwear. I was on my period three days ago. FML

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You deserved it 0

By guerittaa - 29/01/2016 00:26 - United States - Moreno Valley

Today, is my birthday. All I really wanted was to hang out with my boyfriend. Unfortunately he's been throwing up all day. Guess who's holding the trash can while he vomits. Happy birthday to me. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Skytoravis - 29/01/2016 00:19 - United States - Seattle

Today, my foot found an exacto blade. Besides scheduling a tetanus shot, I have to limp all over the place. FML

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You deserved it 0

By wtfdude12345 - 29/01/2016 00:00 - Australia

Today, My boss was $50 short on my wages. When I confronted him about this, he said "You don't smoke, so you don't need ciggy money" I lost $50 for not getting cancer. FML

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By lollipopGazz - 28/01/2016 23:42 - United States - Perrysville

Today, I found out that the first friend I've made in almost seven years is moving to a different state. FML

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By AvastMeMatey - 28/01/2016 23:34 - Iceland - Reykjav?k

Today, I was sending an email due midnight and quite literally the instant I hit Enter, a message from Avast popped up to restart my computer, and by hitting enter I automatically confirmed it. It was after midnight when I finally got back on it. FML

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By moosemay - 28/01/2016 23:28 - Germany - W?rzburg

Today, I was stuck in an elevator for almost two hours during my lunch break along with a pizza delivery guy carrying half a dozen pizzas. Too bad it's Ramadan and I mustn't eat till after sunset. FML

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You deserved it 0

By shutup - 28/01/2016 23:14 - United States

Today, I got called racist by a woman because when she walked by I held my dog back. This is the same woman who, a couple days ago, chewed me out for letting my dog sniff her. FML

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The Top

Today, I was on a date with a guy having a great time. I went up to go to the ladies' room, but as I walked back to the table, I heard some giggles. I looked and found out why. My skirt was tucked into my underwear. I was wearing my lucky Star Wars-themed panties. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 816

You deserved it 15 148

Today, I was driving when a guy in a truck swerved in front of me. I didn't realize I'd sworn until I'd come to a red light and my one year old daughter yelled her own version of what I said. She now yells "Chicken in the hole!" whenever the car comes to a stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 480

You deserved it 28 206

Today, while talking to my parents, I dropped an ordinary drinking glass. After I apologized and cleaned the mess, they told me that they had decided that if I couldn't be careful at home, I certainly couldn't be careful on the roads. They took away my keys. I'm 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 671

You deserved it 2 788

Today, my mom cried while watching the Charlie Kirk memorial on TV. She has been sharing terrible AI videos on social media with the guy saying stuff he never said when he was alive. She didn't cry at all when my dad, her husband of 28 years, died, or even during his funeral. She barely even mentions him at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 501

You deserved it 109

Today, I woke up and realized it's still 2020. It's like Groundhog Day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 677

You deserved it 260

Today, my fiancé told me that my dad apologized to him that I hadn’t inherited my mother’s chest size. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 221

You deserved it 136