Work Today, I accidentally rubbed my eyes after slicing jalapenos.... - FML

Eyeburn - 09/02/2016 08:03 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I accidentally rubbed my eyes after slicing jalapenos. FML.

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

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Today, my neighbor's kid started learning the violin. FML

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Today, I decided to surprise my husband in the shower. I got in and we were talking and goofing around and I stuck out my chest and sucked in my stomach being stupid, and my husband said, "Wait! Do it again! That's how you looked when I first met you." FML

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Today, my mom finally got a Netflix account after months of me begging. When I asked her what the login was, she refused to give it to me. She said, "Netflix will know it's not me and then they'll cancel our account." FML

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Today, for Valentine’s Day, I got my boyfriend chocolates, a new Xbox game and planned lots of kinky sexy time. He ate the chocolate, orgasmed after three thrusts, had a 2-hour nap, then ignored me while playing the new game all afternoon. He didn’t get me anything, not even my own orgasm. FML

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Today, I discovered that apparently my six-year-old daughter actually believes that the United States is the only country with advanced technology. FML

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Today, I said to a coworker, “Epstein didn’t kill himself” in our office, as a joke response to something he'd said. Later, someone from HR pulled me aside and said, “We don’t comment on ongoing investigations.” I work at a dog food company. FML

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