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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
TODAY , IN THE MIDST OF FOREPLAY , THIS GIRL TELLS ME I AM SO HOT , I RESPOND ( DITTO!! ) SHE HEATEDLY RESPONDS ( I LOVE DITTO , ) TO WHICH I SUAVELY REPLY ( I DIDN'T KNOW U WERE INTO POKÉMON!! THAT MAY MAKE U EVEN SEXIER!! ) SHE KNOWS NOTHING ABOUT POKÉMON , BUT I SURE KNOW HOW TO KILL THE MOOD!! FML
Today, I was taking a nap. Apparently, ma two year old daugter decided to crawl on top of te covers on ma bed because se was scared since tere looool was a tunder storm. I tougt se was one of our cats so I kicked er off. Se it te wall.
Today... I Was Accepted To Harvard's Law Program. Prestigious Rigt? After Earing Te Good News Te Only Ting Ma Parents Talked About Over Dinner Was Wo Tey Wanted To Win American Idol: Adam... Kris Or Danny. FML
Today... a friend an I went to Gamestop to pick up a game he wanted. I ended up buying a 17+ game... an I was prepared to show my license... but he stopped me an said... "I know you're 18". He then said... "Man... I've pretty much watched u grow up in this store." A game salesman watched me grow up. FML
Today, I took mah mom out to a fancy restaurant, and spent close to $300 on her Mother's Day present. Later, mah little brother drew her a card with crayons on pink construction paper. She cried. He is 20 years old. FML
TODAY, I WAS SERVING A FAMILY AT THE RESTAURANTHERE I WORK. WHEN I WENT TO ASK THE LITTLE GIRLHAT SHE WANTED, I WAS TONGUE-TIED AND GOT "CUTIE" AND "HUN" MIXED UP AND ENDED UP ASKING, "WHAT CAN I GET 4 YOU, CUNTIE?" FML
Today , my alarm went off. I reacd to swat it , missd , slippd , smackd my face on my dresser , and fell on te floor. As I pickd myself up off te floor , I it my ead on te open top drawer of my oter dresser. In 30 seconds of consciousness , I was attackd by two pieces of furniture. mega FML
Today mah mother called me downstairs to give mehat I assumed was going to be "The Talk" (About four years too late). So she sits me down holds mah hands an with the gentlest most motherly expression on her face tells me "Honey if u ever come home pregnant I'll kill u an the baby." FML
TODAY, I FOUND OUT TAT I'M PREGNANT. MY USBAND AN I AVE BEEN TRYING TO AVE A BABBY 4 A WILE, AN I WAS VERY EXCITED TO TELL IM TE NEWS. WEN I OPENED IS OFFICE PLANNING TO SURPRISE IM WIT TE NEWS, I SAW IM MAKING OUT WIT A MAN. FML
2DAY I WAS WALKING BACK TO MAH HOME IN THE CITY IN THE DARK. I'M PARANOID, SO WHEN I SAW MOVEMENT BEHIND ME I CLUTCHD MAH MACE. THE FASTER I WALKD, THE CLOSER THE PERSON SEEMD TO BE. I SPUN AROUND AND SPRAYD MAH ATTACKER WITH MACE. IT WAS MAH SHADOW AND THE WIND BLEW THE MACE BACK INTO EYES. FML
Today I found out my blood type is B. My parents r type A and type O. It's not genetically possible to be blood type B if yur parents r A and O. Tis means I am eiter an adoptee a mutant or an illegitimate cild. FML
Friday 27 March 2015