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It's a dangerous day for our little friend...

By FML Approved - 19/07/2017 18:54

It's National Hotdog Day!

I agree, your life sucks 660

You deserved it 204

Come again?

By Anonymous - 09/10/2023 22:00

Today, I was having a conversation with my husband when our daughter walked in and shouted at us, “For god's sake, will you two either stop shouting or buy some fucking hearing aids.” That’s when we realised we might be going deaf, given that we've been saying “Pardon?” or “What?” without noticing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 660

You deserved it 272

Buzzed

By Who needs sleep - 19/04/2025 15:00 - Netherlands

Today, my wife helped herself to an energy drink at 7pm, because she "felt tired", and yelled at me when I told her not to. All night, all I heard was, "Babe, I can't sleep. I'm restless. Talk to me. Babe, you're sleeping and I feel lonely. Hey babe what are you thinking about? What's going through your head?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 660

You deserved it 76

Dirty girl

By I like sex dirty but not THAT dirty! - 20/07/2024 20:00 - United States - Anaheim

Today, my husband is upset because I’ve been turning him down when he tries to initiate sex as soon as I walk in the door. I work 12 hour shifts as an ER nurse and the thought of getting into bed without showering away all the day's germs repulses me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 660

You deserved it 181

I am hungry

By Hungry - 23/12/2019 01:00

Today, I thought my mother was coming into my room to give me lunch. She gave me cleaning supplies instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 659

You deserved it 3 187

I hate this

By Anonymous - 25/08/2023 10:00 - Australia

Today, I found out that other than having to deal with cramps, headaches, PMS, PMDD, and all the other crap that comes along with periods, that it's also not uncommon to have painful gas during that time. 5 days left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 659

You deserved it 117

By Zizisouriant - 02/02/2014 17:28 - France

Today, my hubby found it funny to draw a smiling face out of nail polish on his penis. He found it much less funny when I had to use nail polish remover to take it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 659

You deserved it 160

When in doubt, blame everything on "woke"

By Anonymous - 01/02/2025 15:00 - United States - Anaheim

Today, I walked into work, only to be greeted by the office asshole saying, “Whoa! You’re still here?! I thought for sure when Trump ended that DEI crap they wouldn’t let you keep your job. Welcome back I guess.” Can we say HR MEETING?! FML

I agree, your life sucks 659

You deserved it 204

Never forget

By Anonymous - 17/08/2024 22:00 - United States - Bristol

Today, after my parent's forgot my 16th birthday, then rescheduled for two weeks later and forgot, fast forward to my 36th. My father, my husband, and my teen kids all forgot. I was told to relax and that they would make a cake, etc. No cake was made. Mom got me a food gift that I'm allergic to. It's been a few days. Forgotten again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 659

You deserved it 138

Can't show my face there again

By Anonymous - 26/01/2023 19:00

Today, I embarrassed myself not once, not twice, but three times in front of a coworker. I dropped something, they came to help; I got distracted and fell forward onto my knees, to only then nearly knock over an entire skid of boxes on to the both of us. I kinda want to quit my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 659

You deserved it 192

Reality bites hard

By Valan - 22/07/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, I had a meeting with a place that does Terramation (turns you into compost) to plan for my Mom who has stage 4 lung cancer. It feels surreal to have a professional conversation about plans and finances for when my Mom meets her end. I'm glad she knows what she wants, and it isn't a last minute deal, but dang… FML

I agree, your life sucks 659

You deserved it 88

Mid-life crisis

By Anonymous - 04/01/2025 00:00 - New Zealand - Lower Hutt

Today, my dad had his 45th birthday and got so drunk he couldn't walk. He crawled along, crying, saying that his whole life was a failure because he had "a shitty job, a fat girlfriend, and a dipshit son who's never going to move out." I haven't moved out because I'm 18 and still at high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 659

You deserved it 110

Booksmart

By Angry Bookworm - 28/12/2022 09:00

Today, my biggest form of entertainment of the week was when I read a blunt, scathing, brutally honest review of an absolutely horrible book I read a few days ago. I need a life. And better books. And friends with better tastes in books. And a bonfire to toss this book into. FML

I agree, your life sucks 659

You deserved it 312

That's kinda handy!

By Anonymous - 25/10/2019 20:00

Today, my boyfriend and I found out that we were cheating on each other with the same person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 659

You deserved it 3 475

This is going to get messy

By Anonymous - 10/03/2026 22:00

Today, my sister who I'm being a surrogate for told me that she changed her mind and doesn't want kids anymore. It's way too late for me to have an abortion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 659

You deserved it 104

Queasy

By Anonymous - 24/02/2023 18:00

Today, I tried being the 'cool parent' by taking my kids to a fancy, expensive amusement park, but ended up getting stuck on every ride and getting motion sickness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 659

You deserved it 347

Kinda sussy

By Rosebud - 07/08/2023 10:00 - United States - Flint

Today, I “caught” my partner looking at porn, again. I walked in on him with his cock out, looking at his phone. He jumped to put it away, except just like last time, I told him we could watch together, but he's “too ashamed” to even discuss it. At this point I’m pretty sure he’s just sexting someone else and doesn’t want to get caught. FML

I agree, your life sucks 659

You deserved it 190

Have you ever zapped anyone?

By Attack of the Electric Dad - 19/01/2023 10:00

Today, my dad gathers so much static electricity from almost everything that he does that I've become paranoid and scared to touch him at all. He thinks I hate him now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 658

You deserved it 169

Where are you?

By Anonymous - 18/02/2023 18:00

Today, I ran a marathon and despite the numerous arrows and indications along the way, I ended up getting lost on the way to the finish line. I'm still not sure how I managed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 658

You deserved it 359

Cozy

By Bookworm - 18/11/2023 16:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend thought that a few candles in our room would create a cozy and romantic atmosphere. Especially the one on the bookshelf. That candle damaged only one book - it was signed by my great professor, who's long gone. She doesn't understand why I can't just buy a new copy and deal with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 658

You deserved it 124

Vengeance is mine

By Anonymous - 14/11/2023 22:00

Today, my stepson told his class that I beat his mommy. I did beat his mommy… in Pokémon. He left that detail out, and now his entire school is treating me like a monster. My wife thinks it's hilarious, and says it's her revenge for me winning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 658

You deserved it 111

Foxtrot Mike Lima

By Anonymous - 21/04/2023 18:00

Today, I went for an eye exam. The doctor asked me to read the chart on the wall and without even thinking about it, I started to call out the letters using the NATO phonetic alphabet. Nope, my time in the military has had absolutely no effect on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 658

You deserved it 206

PS I Love You

By Anonymous - 13/02/2021 17:01 - Sweden - G?teborg

Today, I had a group project on Zoom with some classmates I'm not so familiar with. When we were done and said our goodbyes, I said, "Bye bye, I love you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 658

You deserved it 360

Many such cases

By Anonymous - 16/07/2023 06:00 - United States - Nampa

Today, the girl I really thought I had feelings for told me she kissed me on the cheek because I’m a sweet person, but she doesn’t want to be my partner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 657

You deserved it 209

**** ICE

By Melinna - 06/10/2025 03:00

Today, the lady whose house I clean insists I stole her Hermes bag. I never went into her closet when cleaning; just her kitchen, living room and bathrooms. Apparently, it's worth $4000. She threatened to "call ICE and Homeland Security" if I don't "cough it up." I'm a naturalized citizen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 657

You deserved it 80

Smooth criminal

By Anonymous - 26/04/2023 10:00

Today, I found out that my cat has been secretly stealing my socks and hiding them under the couch, when I found a pile of 15 socks after I finally moved my furniture to vacuum the floor underneath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 657

You deserved it 185

Cool beans

By Beanhead - 18/06/2022 16:00

Today, I opened a can of beans at work, and instead of pouring out, the whole can plopped out, splashing bean juice all over my clothes and in my hair. Guess I'm taking a second shower today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 657

You deserved it 211

Support system

By Anonymous - 20/12/2023 00:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I tried to tell my dad that I was really struggling with my mental health and didn't think I could stay alive much longer. He laughed. This comes after telling my "best friend" last week and having to wait three days for a reply. FML

I agree, your life sucks 657

You deserved it 178

Family outing

By Anonymous - 20/04/2025 20:00 - United States - Riverside

Today, I’m being threatened with police action after my twins “beat up” a big kid for grabbing my daughter’s butt. They hit him with rocks and kicked him repeatedly. My twins are 7, my daughter is 10, and the other kid is 12. Maybe little perv in training should keep his hands to himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 657

You deserved it 90

Bad idea

By No sex for a decade, at least - 04/08/2025 12:00 - Czechia - Prague

Today, we went to an amusement park, or tried to. My idiot husband stuck his hand under his shirt like a gun and demanded free passes and "all the cash" as a joke. He's banned for life, they escorted us off the premises, and my children are inconsolable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 657

You deserved it 180

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The Top

Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 267 646

You deserved it 90 960

Today, I came home and saw on our fridge, "Please don't drink anymore, I really worry about your health" written by my 7-year-old daughter. I figured she wouldn't ever find out, so I opened the fridge. Then I found another note on a can that said, "So you're going to drink anyway?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 612

You deserved it 689 051

Random

Today, while going to the mall, I witnessed the horror of someone sneezing and shitting themselves at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 440

You deserved it 915

Today, my 5-year-old decided that it would be a great idea to try to paint her nails in secret. As a result, I now get to learn how to remove copious amounts of dark nail polish from a wide variety of materials, including my apartment's 1/2-inch thick shag rug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 833

You deserved it 5 022

Today, I had a heat rash on my crotch. I asked my mom for cortisone cream. While I was putting it on, it suddenly started burning. It turns out she gave me arthritis cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 039

You deserved it 197

Today, I snapped a tendon in my knee during cowgirl position. My boyfriend was “so close to finishing” that he asked if he could just slip it back inside for a few seconds while we waited for the ambulance, “since you’re already lying down, Babe.” If I could stand, I’d have hit him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 410

You deserved it 98

Today, I went to the bathroom. On my way back, I found a small piece of trash in the hallway so I picked it up. It was cat poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 364

You deserved it 110

Today, I found out that my parents are sending me to boot camp. All because I drove my sister to her abortion when they wouldn't. Not even she can stop them from doing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 593

You deserved it 150