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The all-time greatest FMLs

Sorry!

By My hip hurts - 23/01/2023 01:00

Today, I got hit by a car while going out for a jog. As I writhed on the floor in pain, I heard the driver say, “Sorry!” and the sound of tires squealing. He’d sped off. I didn’t get a chance to get his license plate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 011

You deserved it 114

Lust for life

By Anonymous - 17/02/2023 16:00

Spicy

Today, thanks to a very intense sexual dream, I suddenly have a strong (and lustful) crush on a coworker, making me gasp every time I see them. I'm happily married. And pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 011

You deserved it 360

Rack go thwack

By Mary Anne - 03/09/2020 17:04 - United States - Denver

Today, while at work, I walked head first into the edge of a clothing rack. I was looking right at it. People saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 011

You deserved it 465

Nooooooo… !

By Nicole Jones - 01/10/2020 23:02 - United Kingdom

Today, after having a hard week, I decided to order a pizza with an expensive milkshake. It slipped out of my hand in front of the lift. It went everywhere. I had nothing on me to clean it up with. Now I’m milkshakeless, down £5, and accidentally responsible for littering my accommodation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 010

You deserved it 174

Narcolepsy? Boredom?

By jinnai - 27/03/2021 00:30

Today, I was fired for falling asleep at work. I’m still not sure how I fell asleep, seeing as I’m a stocker and I was actively putting cans on the shelf when it happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 010

You deserved it 111

Make it so

By AndTheStupidShallRule - 16/01/2022 05:02 - United States

Today, the person who signs off on my work asked me to change numbers on a federal report, saying my logic didn't make sense. They have a bachelor's degree in education. I have two graduate degrees in math and computer science. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 010

You deserved it 142

We live in a society!

By hungry n hypoglycemic - 06/01/2021 17:01

Today, after standing in line for most of my lunch break just to buy food, some asshole with a cart full of stuff cut in front of me. He claimed that he was there the whole time, and the whole line, plus the cashier backed him up. I missed lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 010

You deserved it 126

I remember this feeling

By AdultBaby? - 04/02/2022 08:01

Today, just like the past 10 days, I have COVID. Today was also the day my body decided to betray me. I threw up and simultaneously shit myself for the first time since I was in diapers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 010

You deserved it 124

I hate the be the bearer of bad news…

By Anonymous - 05/02/2021 23:01

Today, I texted my sister to ask her if she was OK after finding out that one of her oldest friends had died. She didn’t know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 010

You deserved it 106

By wookieewhosshe - 25/04/2019 14:00 - United Kingdom - Plymouth

Today, my phone stopped charging. I panicked because I can't really afford to get it fixed, and it's too stressful a time at my last semester at university to not have a phone. I took it to the repair shop, and the man turned it off and on again. it works perfectly. I'm a total idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 010

You deserved it 1 875

Suspicious minds

By Bill - 29/04/2023 00:00

Today, my girlfriend confronted me about having an active Tinder profile. When she showed it to me, it was someone pretending to be me. But that now begs the question: Why is she on Tinder? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 010

You deserved it 131

Double whammy

By Anonymous - 28/02/2023 22:00 - Argentina

Today, my wife told me she wanted a divorce and walked out. This is two days after she informed me that she is unexpectedly pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 010

You deserved it 101

Dyslexics untie!

By Anonymous - 12/02/2021 02:01

Today, after finding out from my psychologist that I have a disability in reading comprehension, I tried to Google how to improve my reading skills. I couldn't understand what any of the articles were saying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 009

You deserved it 142

Foiled by genetics

By Anonymous - 07/02/2024 06:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was chatting with my optician and it came up that eye colour is determined by parents eye colour, such as how blue and brown-eyed parents can’t make a green-eyed baby. My wife and I are blue and brown. Our 6 year-old has green eyes. I confronted her and she admitted she'd had an affair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 009

You deserved it 146

I'm only sleeping

By Hred - 28/11/2022 14:00

Today, I was excited to sleep in on my day off. My girlfriend woke me up at 6 am. To bring up an argument from a week ago. An argument about salad dressing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 009

You deserved it 125

The single life

By Anonymous - 14/09/2021 20:00 - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, my girlfriend of over a year broke up with me while I'm deployed overseas. Her reason why is that she needs "to be alone to better herself." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 009

You deserved it 103

Another casualty

By Flabbergast - 17/10/2023 12:30

Today, my fiancé seriously used the war in Israel/Palestine to call off our engagement. We had different opinions, so he asked for the ring back and stormed out of our apartment. Turns out, he used this as a ticket out because he was seeing someone else and didn’t “wanna hurt my feelings” by confessing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 009

You deserved it 143

Run, run now

By Anonymous - 01/10/2021 08:00 - United States - Laveen

Today, my husband controls every part of my life and has done so for the last 10 years and I'm too much of a pussy to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 009

You deserved it 491

Classic

By Anonymous - 06/02/2021 00:30 - United States - Newport News

Today, after I helped get my boyfriend get a new job, he thanked me by dumping me for some whore who works there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 009

You deserved it 1 260

Understandably so

By Sleepless in Fremantle - 27/02/2022 12:01 - Australia

Today, after having insomnia and also being constantly woken in the middle of the night by spam texts, I turned my notifications off and fell asleep, forgetting I had done so - until a few days later when I discovered my friends two day-old text telling me he has incurable cancer. I've apologized profusely, but he’s ghosted me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 009

You deserved it 210

Can't buy me love

By Anonymous - 13/12/2021 16:59 - United States - Providence

Today, I bumped into a guy I've had a crush on for a long time now. I lied about not having time to go on a trip, I just don't make enough money to do so. He then went on for 30 minutes about his trip to Italy with all his friends. I can't and will never be able to afford something like that. Clearly out of my league. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 009

You deserved it 207

What is happening to me?

By Anonymous - 14/10/2022 22:00

Today, my son was up at 3:00 am crying due to excruciatingly severe pain in his groin. I took him to the ER. After nine hours consisting of two different hospitals, an ambulance ride, a CAT scan, an ultrasound, and possible appendicitis, the surgeon finally said he was just constipated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 008

You deserved it 151

Healthcare for all

By Broken - 07/01/2021 17:01 - United States - Toledo

Today, thanks to America's opiate epidemic, I can no receive the pain management I require for broken ribs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 008

You deserved it 111

Nutshot

By DanJames24 - 10/06/2021 22:01 - United Kingdom

Today, a work colleague was trying to kill a fly that was buzzing around the place. I was about to go on my break, but was stopped because she missed the fly and accidentally whacked me in the balls in the process. By the time I didn’t feel sick anymore, my break was over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 008

You deserved it 88

Drugs are bad, well, some of them

By RockMeetsHardPlace - 15/03/2021 20:01 - United States - Midlothian

Today, like every day since my diagnosis, I've had to choose between two impossible options. Either I deal with debilitating headaches where I cannot focus, or I feel so drowsy that I cannot focus. My finals are in a week and I can't study. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 008

You deserved it 96

That'll be 250 bucks

By Anonymous - 23/08/2022 12:00 - Belgium

Today, I'm again stuck with my colleague for another monologue off all her divorces, narcissistic mom, drunk father, sex-obsessed husband, autistic children, and her aggressive dog she had to put to sleep. I feel like I give her a 7-hour free therapy sessions, sucking all the life out of me instead of doing my real job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 008

You deserved it 144

It's the new thing!

By Squeakyclean - 23/08/2021 08:01

Today, my 14 year-old daughter threw a massive fit over showering. She dislodged the shower curtain rod and threatened to beat us with it if we ever force her to shower again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 008

You deserved it 205

How not to raise them

By Anonymous - 03/10/2021 14:00

Today, my son claimed credit for a money-saving scheme at work that belonged to a colleague. He claimed this to someone in very upper management, but when they tried to ask follow-up questions, he obviously had no idea how to answer, admitted his lie and was sacked on the spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 008

You deserved it 445

Little shit

By Doormat - 19/08/2022 16:00 - United States

Today, a demon child called my severely arthritic mom a "bitch," all because she was walking too slowly for his liking. After verbally tearing him apart for daring to speak to anyone like that, his mom quickly rushed to his defense, even though she was close enough to hear what he'd said about my mom. I can't win. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 008

You deserved it 143

Ditzy cliché

By FMLthissucks - 05/01/2023 03:00 - United States - Leawood

Today, my wife informed me her wallet was stolen from her unlocked car in our driveway. Three weeks ago, she misplaced her credit card that has all the monthly charges and Amazon tied to it. We've talked a lot about importance of locking her car, and she's constantly looking for her credit cards, license, etc. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 008

You deserved it 411

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The Top

Today, I found out how painful it is when your ceiling fan falls on you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 738

You deserved it 3 288

Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I then had sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito' for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML

I agree, your life sucks 712

You deserved it 496

Random

Today, I have put in many job applications and had many interviews for a variety of positions all of which I am highly qualified for. Today, I heard back from all but one that I am overqualified. Welcome to Walmart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 577

You deserved it 954

Today, I caught my son trying to punch his own teeth out so he'd get more money from the tooth fairy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 092

You deserved it 3 676

Today, I found out my teacher writes descriptions next to people's names on the register to remind him who people were. By mistake the descriptions appeared on the computer projector. Next to my name it said "Tubby". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 020

You deserved it 5 422

Today, my breakfast disagreed with me and I unexpectedly shat myself at the laundromat, right after starting the washer with all of my other pants in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 804

You deserved it 310

Today, I realized how much 2020 has been an FML. We dealt with lockdown, stressful home renovations, losing a job due to health issues, and giant vet bills when we're already in debt up to our eyeballs. This has been a great start to our first year of marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 906

You deserved it 129

Today, I spent five minutes trying to figure out how to use a new machine at my gym. I finally gave up, muttered, “Screw this thing,” and walked away. A staff member came over, tapped the “ON” button, and the whole thing lit up. He’d been watching the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 256

You deserved it 341