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The all-time greatest FMLs

Debate bro

By Fuck Trump. - 03/05/2021 14:01

Today, after a supervisor, who is a Donald Trump fanatic, kept pestering us with the subject, I decided to debate with him, never swearing or disrespecting him at all. I was fired, presumably for disrespecting a supervisor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 013

You deserved it 577

Can't see for shit

By Anonymous - 09/11/2020 14:02

Today, I was out walking my dog. After he took a dump, I went to pick it up but my glasses fell right in his poop. I didn’t have tissue, just the plastic bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 013

You deserved it 242

Receipe ideas

By Anonymous - 24/05/2022 16:00

Today, after I was surprised by my husband announcing he was coming off the drink and going to the gym to get in shape, I found out that I've been such a fool, as it turns out the pre-workout shakes he kept making contained about 5 shots of vodka, so he could drink at home without me moaning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 013

You deserved it 165

Helpful

By Anonymous - 17/08/2021 18:01

Today, I had a conversation with my doctor about how I am neurologically incapable of feeling happiness like a normal person, and he doesn't know what to do about it. His words, not mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 013

You deserved it 112

Top brass

By Lipstick lez - 15/05/2021 11:02

Spicy

Today, my boss told me to kick out of the hotel anyone who was clearly a prostitute trolling for men. I spotted a woman in a miniskirt approaching a guy in the bar, so I told her politely to leave. Despite the skirt, turns out she's the hotel manager and the man was her fiancé. I got fired so hard and fast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 013

You deserved it 913

Make your mind up

By Anonymous - 19/08/2021 20:01 - United States - Miami

Today, the guy I liked broke things off with me because he needed time to work on himself, and heal from his recent break up. I went on Instagram to find him reading a poem to his ex about how he wants to worship her body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 013

You deserved it 138

Vicariously

By Luca - 07/09/2022 05:00

Spicy

Today, I've been so starved of any and all physical affection in my 25 years of life, I got aroused from seeing someone cuddle up to my Final Fantasy XIV character. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 013

You deserved it 271

Bad day for glasses

By Anonymous - 09/10/2022 10:00

Today, I walked into the glass door of my boss’s cabin and broke my spectacles. Thank god for a backup pair, right? Wrong. I fell down the stairs and broke them too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 013

You deserved it 212

Lazy prick

By FMC fuck my credit! - 12/06/2022 10:00

Today, my now ex-boyfriend got us evicted. The lazy prick kept throwing dog poop onto the neighbors' patio instead of disposing it properly. Management told him he could either get rid of the dog or we had to go. My ex refused and slammed the door in his face. The lease is in my name, so my credit is fucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 012

You deserved it 255

I don't wanna, I don't think so

By Anonymous - 10/08/2022 00:00

Today, I had to fire an employee for the first time in my life. She broke something that keeps breaking on its own, but she didn't report it. HR made me fire her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 012

You deserved it 127

Stinky

By Anonymous - 13/12/2020 23:01 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I realized that my flatmate showers so little that the furniture she uses smells like BO. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 012

You deserved it 83

Stay safe, everyone

By Anonymous - 11/04/2021 05:00

Today, I found out that one of my workmates had passed away due to Covid-19. He was among five other workmates who were calling me a "pussy" for going back and forth to work in car, instead of public transport. These five guys were eventually infected by someone in the public transport. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 012

You deserved it 188

Almost right

By Anonymous - 26/05/2021 06:01

Today, I told my mom she made me feel unloved my whole life. She called my sister and apologized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 012

You deserved it 84

Give me my drugs!

By Anonymous - 10/10/2020 20:02 - United States - Palm Bay

Today, my doctor's office called to reschedule. I hate sacrificing work time at all, but I have to have my contraceptive. The appointment had been set back once already due to insurance issues, and having to wait until November means I'm going to run out… so now I sound like a drug addict. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 012

You deserved it 201

Don't hate the player, hate the game

By lovebug - 24/08/2022 10:00

Today, after a new coworker flirted heavily with me and made me fall in love with him quite badly, it has become obvious that he has no interest in me, and just did it for the game of it all. I'm hurt and still don't understand why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 012

You deserved it 236

Drive by shooting

By justicewargrave - 16/07/2021 02:01

Today, I was walking home from the gym. An old man in his car rolled down the window and drove slowly next to me. He pulled out a camera, took a picture of me and said, "It's gonna be a fun night!" and then drove off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 012

You deserved it 108

The Manosphere is like the Metaverse for morons

By get the fuck out! - 04/07/2023 22:00

Today, I overheard my husband’s disgusting misogynist brother saying that I shouldn’t be allowed to discipline my son, because “it’ll turn him into one of those pussy ass soyboy simps that listens to bitches.” My husband didn’t even back me when I told the douche to leave our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 012

You deserved it 242

I'm the taxman, yeaaaaaah

By Anonymous - 09/07/2023 15:00

Today, according to my tax bill, I’ve been employed by a company I interviewed for over a year ago. They apparently hired me but forgot to tell me, then they also forgot to fire me for not turning up, so I’m somehow their unpaid employee and yet owe taxes for wages I’ve never been paid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 012

You deserved it 107

Lost in translation

By Anonymous - 20/06/2022 22:00

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend got a sexy new tattoo as a surprise for me. It’s on her boob in Japanese, next to a pair of sexy lips, and she claims it says "Oral Queen." I'm fluent in Japanese so I wish she'd asked for my help first, because it actually translates to "Mouth Ruler" which is not sexy at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 012

You deserved it 252

Love is loud

By Spill the beans - 13/11/2022 04:00

Spicy

Today, it’s been at least the 20th time I’ve heard the “porn stars” (meaning the couple who moved upstairs) going at it like rabbits. I've tried covering my ears, and it doesn’t work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 012

You deserved it 225

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

By Anonymous - 17/07/2022 02:00 - United Kingdom

Today, after my housemate handed in his notice to vacate without telling me beforehand, I had few days whilst working to make a decision to stay or vacate. In a panic, I chose vacate. On my day off I sat down with my finances and discovered I can't afford elsewhere. I asked to stay, my landlord put up rent by 50%. I might now become homeless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 012

You deserved it 255

Parenting struggles

By Aniel85 - 22/11/2021 20:01

Today, after I worked 15 hours yesterday, coming home at 1 a.m. thinking I could sleep in because my kids have no school, I was woken up at 7 a.m. because they wanted pancakes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 012

You deserved it 272

Not now, mom, I'm in pain

By Anonymous - 22/10/2020 05:01 - Germany - Aachen

Today, my mom wrote me an email, asking how I was doing after an accident yesterday. I wrote back at length, telling her everything in detail. Two hours later, she calls me on the phone, asking how I am. She was simply too lazy to check her mail and expected me to tell her everything a second time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 012

You deserved it 198

Emotions on shuffle mode

By Anonymous - 30/11/2021 22:58

Today, I've been single for years because I felt I could never trust anyone again. I finally opened up to someone, after she told me how much she'd loved me for quite a while. Now she ignores me like I don't even exist. Crash and burn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 011

You deserved it 145

Heartfelt

By Anonymous - 02/05/2022 00:01 - United States - Lake Stevens

Today, my husband put myself and our 3 year-old on a plane back to the other side of the US, because he “just can’t” with us anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 011

You deserved it 200

Frenemies

By Anonymous - 16/06/2021 08:01

Today, I found out that the person who I considered my best friend actually hates my guts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 011

You deserved it 122

The death of romance

By Anonymous - 30/10/2020 13:57 - Argentina - Burzaco

Today, I was swiping on Tinder when the app told me there was one else left to meet. I haven't had any matches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 011

You deserved it 222

That Joke Isn't Funny Anymore

By JustAJokeMan - 03/03/2023 12:00 - United States - Miami

Today, I realized how visibly upset my boyfriend got whenever a certain female friend leaves. When my other friend and I teased him about secretly being in love with her, he completely lost it. He threw a temper tantrum, spilled milkshake all over the floor, and stormed out of the mall. It was just a joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 011

You deserved it 243

Free carer

By Anonymous - 20/11/2020 05:04

Today, my mother-in-law moved in with my husband and I, where she shits the bed and herself. There's a waiting list for the nursing home, so in the meantime I’m cleaning up her shit and she isn’t even my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 011

You deserved it 244

Spreading

By Bubbilility - 27/12/2020 02:02 - Australia

Today, my mother called me from the other side of the world to tell me she's got Covid. She got it from a friend, who later told her that they had attended anti-mask rallies. She's only been visiting her friend because she needs internet to keep working and can't get it where she is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 011

You deserved it 152

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The Top

Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type 'virginia' into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for 'virgin boy assholes'. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I'm a young guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 641

You deserved it 51

Today, I’m now so unfit, I had to stop halfway through sex with my wife to catch my breath, and in the end we just gave up, as clearly neither of us was having an orgasm today. I don’t get it, I weigh exactly 11 stone and exercise regularly, but I have no stamina and shit lungs. I hate myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 345

You deserved it 371

Random

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend of 4 years in front of the sell-out crowd at the baseball game, but at the security checkpoint, the security guard made me take the ring out and open it after I walked through the metal detector. No need to say it, worst proposal ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 021

You deserved it 1 914

Today, I was smoking a cigarette while watching the meteor shower. I was just about at the filter and as I was taking my last drag, my friend decided to scare me from behind, and I accidentally sucked the whole thing in my mouth. They don't go out immediately when in your mouth. My tongue hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 340

You deserved it 56 171

Today, I thought my water had broken. I'd actually just peed myself when the baby moved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 321

You deserved it 393

Today, while I was gambling at a casino, my daughter called me. Then added her mother. And then added her dance teacher, my side piece. The call got so loud the Pit Boss had to escort me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 225

You deserved it 3 073

Today, I experienced gay panic. I've felt like this before, but all the other people of the same gender I've liked I had no chance with. This time, I might have a chance with this person, if I don't screw it up like how I did last time. Please please please don't be straight or already taken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 491

You deserved it 509

Today, we found out in the middle of my son's custody battle that he never filed the joint custody papers when his son was born, they're just sat in a drawer in his kitchen because he’d "get round to it.” His ex has sole legal custody and has cut off all contact with us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 121

You deserved it 309