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Holy crap I finally got published! A little back ground, we knew that mom and her now husband had gotten a marriage license almost 2 months ago but had never gotten it signed (therefor not legally married). We had talked about it the week before and she had told me she didn't think she'd go through with it because he is an alcoholic (like her), abusive, and irresponsible. We were shocked and more then a little upset that she had gone through with it, and that she hadn't told anyone about it, but at this point we're all used to this kind of behavior and I haven't talked to her since.

By Anonymous - 26/06/2012 05:44 - United States

Today, I burned my nose. How? I tried sniffing a lit candle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 225

You deserved it 52 434

By scooter922 - 15/07/2012 07:45 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I got home from the hospital after I burned my hand. Why? I dropped my phone in the pot while stirring hot soup, and I reached in to get it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 222

You deserved it 39 607

By Whatever01 - 10/03/2009 03:32 - United States

Today, I called off work saying my Great Grandmother died. A co-worker texted me later asking where and when the funeral was. I made up a lie and said some random funeral home and date. My co-workers sent flowers to the funeral home for condolences. The flowers were returned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 220

You deserved it 94 225

By Lexi - 31/10/2009 20:15 - France

Today, after telling my best friend an idiot could make Kraft Dinner, I spilled boiling water all over my hands and forearms while attempting to strain the noodles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 218

You deserved it 36 285

By gogoboobzilla - 10/12/2016 04:48

Today, I got fired via Facebook messenger in a chat that also included a coworker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 213

You deserved it 629

gogoboobzilla tells us more.

gogoboobzilla 2

Friday 16 December 2016 8:34

OP here. I was actually a 1099 'contractor' so there's very little recourse, HR wise. My boss had recently restructured pay to where I was making way less money...so I was suggesting other ways for me to go about my job so it was more efficient/profitable. He got pissy, I didn't back down, he said ' Whatever, I'm down with this, good luck to you' and I was offered another job that's $5/hr more, like, 30 min later.

By Anonymous - 22/02/2012 16:47 - United States

Today, I found out why you shouldn't drop instant mashed potatoes in a fish tank, especially when you have expensive fish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 213

You deserved it 45 131

By realnotimaginary - 15/12/2016 06:00

Today, my boss gave me a lecture accompanied with a formal warning because I failed to take notes during a client meeting. I was never at this client meeting, in fact, I had a call with another client at the same time. Regardless, he insists I was there and refuses to listen to reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 212

You deserved it 539

By Anonymous - 16/12/2012 17:26 - Canada - Uxbridge

Today, I'm insanely hungover from a long night of drinking. I'm going to my nephew's baptism in an hour as his godmother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 206

You deserved it 55 401

By superdriver - 07/02/2011 17:46 - Mexico

Today, I was driving with my parents while explaining that young people like myself are better drivers because we have better reflexes. My explanation was suddenly interrupted with the sound of me crashing the car against a parked car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 195

You deserved it 50 756

Blackout

By Nicholasand - 23/11/2009 18:29 - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up in a closet of a four-star hotel, having spent the night drinking. I'm a secondary school teacher and I've been visiting this place on a school trip. My flight left at 4 a.m. this morning and it's now 1 p.m. in the afternoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 193

You deserved it 61 356

By daddy'sgirl - 21/06/2012 04:11 - United States - Memphis

Today, I was lecturing my high school students on the importance of a good education. I pointed out the janitor in the hall and told them if they didn't stay in school, they'd end up like him. Then one of my students raised her hand and reminded me that the janitor I pointed to was her dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 190

You deserved it 75 531

By Anonymous - 14/02/2017 05:53 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, my girlfriend left me. I have no clue what to do with the holiday we have booked or the ring I was going to propose to her with on Valentine's Day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 190

You deserved it 651

Shop til you drop

By Anonymous - 15/01/2017 08:00

Today, after getting home from shopping, I noticed a security tag was still on one of the shirts I bought. I decided to take it back and ask them to remove the tag. They then accused me of trying to steal (even after I showed them the receipt) and kicked me out of the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 189

You deserved it 594

By ihatepizza - 21/12/2016 22:49 - United States - Aurora

Today, as a delivery driver, I have been stiffed in tips by three separate people because "a delivery fee is a tip, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 178

You deserved it 1 093

By ashbox233 - 09/11/2010 04:18 - United States

Today, someone reckoned that I would never be in a relationship. So I made up this whole story about some made up guy named 'Nick' and posted stuff on my Facebook and Myspace that I'm dating him. Now all my friends want to meet him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 172

You deserved it 85 609

By Gemma - 03/11/2010 11:23 - United Kingdom

Today, I saw a portable speed camera on the highway and braked hard. I caused a 4 car pile-up and my car is totaled. It wasn't a speed camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 170

You deserved it 60 834

By Anonymous - 26/01/2017 16:04 - United States - Newtown

Today, my crush fell asleep on me on the bus. This would have been fantastic if I didn't immediately have an erection in her ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 166

You deserved it 1 386

Nothing better to do

By Anonymous - 28/03/2012 06:57 - United States

Today, I spent 3 hours trying to read my dog's mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 166

You deserved it 40 340

Wrong drugs

By Anonymous - 26/07/2009 05:57 - United States

Today, my nose was really stuffed up and I was out of cold medicine. I heard spices may help with this kind of problem. Unfortunately I thought red pepper would be a great thing to snort at the time. Not only is my nose still stuffed up but I also have immense nasal pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 166

You deserved it 85 217

By Rush Snake - 05/01/2009 03:57 - France

Today, I tried to play with my Wii using the TV remote. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 163

You deserved it 31 592

By gaagaa - 04/04/2012 03:53 - United States

Today, a lady told me her husband had sinus surgery. I replied, "Oh, I know someone who just had that done." I then realized I meant Alexis on The Real Housewives of the OC. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 161

You deserved it 28 402

By drewig - 10/05/2010 05:28 - United States

Today, I was driving home from work when I was pulled over by a cop. She asked why I was being pulled over and figuring she knew I said, "For swerving because of my alcohol problem." I had a broken tail light. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 158

You deserved it 53 634

Proof

By George Saunders - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I accused my son of faking being sick. He then blew chunks all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 157

You deserved it 54 258

By Anonymous - 17/01/2018 21:20

Today, I apologized to my boyfriend because I'd been rather snappy with him the last few days due to stress. His response? "It's okay baby, I'm used to you being a bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 147

You deserved it 6 411

ashlyrose45 tells us more.

ashlyrose45 12

Wednesday 17 January 2018 18:22

I replied to a comment before, but I figured I'd post an update; some of you were right about it being more than a couple days, but it turns out I have PTSD, which cause fits of rage. I'm medicated now and we just celebrated our second anniversary

By UnluckyGroom - 09/06/2012 23:04 - United States - East Wenatchee

Today, after a long night of partying, I fell asleep, while my bride was delivering her vows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 143

You deserved it 59 767

By dumbass1991 - 12/12/2010 19:36 - United States

Today, I was messing around on my laptop by drawing on the screen with a marker pen. When it came time to clean it off, it wouldn't budge. Now I have a full beard and mustache etched permanently on my computer screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 141

You deserved it 121 898

By ryuuchild - 09/12/2016 00:07 - United States - Boscobel

Today, I went to the ER for an asthma attack. I left with a UTI and an elevated heart rate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 134

You deserved it 606

ryuuchild tells us more.

ryuuchild 5

Friday 9 December 2016 20:03

OP here. So I went in cause of the asthma attack and due to the treatments they gave me my heart rate was up to 130 to 150 and would not go down. The Doctor ordered an EKG and a blood and urine test to see if it showed anything. All that cameback w as that I had a UTI. I hadnt even started showing signs of a UTI so go figure right. Feeling much better and my heart rate was down this morning. Thanks for all the laughs made my day.