The Top

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Mix up

By Anonymous - 22/08/2021 08:01 - Iran, Islamic Republic of - Pishgaman

Today, I found out that the person I love, who is also a friend, is now in a relationship with my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 837

You deserved it 149

By Anonymous - 18/12/2012 05:15 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I accidentally knocked over a mall Santa on his way to meet some children. I've never had that many hate-filled eyes on me at once. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 886

You deserved it 6 311

By mommyfairy - 12/03/2011 08:34 - United States

Today, I realized that my boss is able to read all the emails my coworker and I send each other. Most of them are about how she is such a shitty boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 155

You deserved it 43 292

You tried

By Anonymous - 24/08/2021 14:01

Today, my wife finally agreed to try anal. Unfortunately, it was too hot in the apartment so I couldn't focus and I kept going soft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 838

You deserved it 679

Turn off your mind, relax, and float downstream

By Anonymous - 18/11/2022 22:00

Today, I have so much daily anxiety and functional depression that it takes a lot to want to do anything. Thank goodness it’s Friday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 744

You deserved it 200

By wheezy - 03/12/2013 17:28 - United States - Bay Springs

Today, while giving speech in class, I choked on my own spit and had a coughing fit while everyone stared at me intently. When I finally regained my composure, my teacher told me my time was up and to sit down. I hadn't even got finished the first paragraph. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 956

You deserved it 4 232

Not now!

By Ineedit - 26/02/2010 17:46 - United States

Today, my husband and I were going to have sex for the first time since having our baby, who was taking a nap. As soon as we lay down in bed, his mother rang saying she was five minutes away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 178

You deserved it 2 583

By Noname - 03/02/2009 02:36 - United States

Today, I sent a guy that I like a lot a picture of myself. I'd got all dressed up sexy and did my make-up. He sent me a reply saying, "Your cat is fat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 663

You deserved it 6 982

By booooo - 07/03/2011 21:38 - France

Today, I withdrew €40 at the ATM to pay for dinner later tonight. It wasn't until I went to pay for it that I realized I'd taken the receipt, but left the cash in the ATM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 427

You deserved it 41 866

By Saduglydad - 12/12/2012 16:05 - United States - Houston

Today, my daughter wore my favorite Christmas sweater to an ugly sweater party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 891

You deserved it 9 628

By HumanNature - 01/02/2009 00:01 - Canada

Today, I was waiting after work in a parking lot for my ride and was dancing a little to keep warm. Next thing I know the cops pull up to me and said that someone called in to report someone dancing in an empty parking lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 070

You deserved it 3 240

Fortress of solitude

By Anonymous - 24/11/2022 04:00

Today, I discovered my husband of 8 years has been replying to an OnlyFans models pics on Twitter. Two weeks ago, I'd found his secret Instagram that only follows two OF models, and she's one of them. He also watches her on Twitch. He doesn't know I know. We've only had sex twice in the last year because he "doesn't think about sex." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 027

You deserved it 373

Priorities

By bsulyingb - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because "our priorities aren't the same." Her priorities turned out to be getting into my coworker's pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 475

You deserved it 3 108

You shitgibbon!

By Turkeyfryboy - 24/11/2022 12:00

Today, I learned to never put a just-bought-about-an-hour-ago-from-the-grocery-store frozen solid turkey in the turkey frying pot. My job’s banquet hall was burnt to a crisp and the fire department came. The Thanksgiving potluck was ruined. Oh, and I was fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 261

You deserved it 1 627

Cones

By Blinkin - 08/09/2021 02:00

Today, I recently woke up colourblind and so far no doctor or surgeon can tell me why. I'm a graphic designer, I went to university and put years of practise into this specific skill set, I need to see in colour or this could cost me my job and ruin my career prospects. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 609

You deserved it 82

By this guy - 21/11/2013 05:27 - United States - Alhambra

Today, I got rejected by a girl I wasn't even trying to ask out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 467

You deserved it 4 165

Sorry dear

By Empi - 29/11/2022 10:00

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night with a numb arm. When I tried to reposition it, it flew crazily and slapped my girlfriend in the face. My girlfriend, who was in a string of abusive relationships, and has severe PTSD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 036

You deserved it 175

By thankzbabe - 04/01/2012 12:32 - United States

Today, my boyfriend informed me that my vagina reminds him of ham. But that's okay, because ham is his favorite food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 261

You deserved it 5 584

By uninspired - 28/01/2009 11:47 - United States

Today, my cheater of an ex-boyfriend sent me one of his many messages proclaiming his new-found love for me, and in the middle of it asked me how my period was going. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 412

You deserved it 2 294

This is rage bait, surely?

By Sorry not sorry - 13/04/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, I found an old Bible in a box of my boyfriend's stuff. I despise religion, so I threw it away. He freaked out when he found out, screaming that it was a "family heirloom". I don't care if vile, hateful trash is an heirloom or not, I'm going to get rid of it. Deal with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98

You deserved it 2 511

By fatflabbyfail - 20/02/2010 06:09 - United States

Today, after having my bath, I realised that I've gotten so fat that I have to lift up my butt cheeks in order to dry underneath them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 163

You deserved it 42 352

Sexy time

By Anonymous - 05/08/2009 05:25 - United States

Today, a friend and I drove all the way from Texas to a small town in Colorado to spend an entire uninterrupted night together. Not only did he forget to bring condoms but everything was closed by the time we got into town. We ended up playing cards on the bed instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 468

You deserved it 46 079

By Michelle - 04/08/2009 17:31 - United States

Today, I turned on my boyfriend's computer and saw pictures of all of my credit cards, front and back, and several of my parent's credit cards. I looked in his e-mail and found receipts for items which had been billed to me and delivered to him, including golf clubs and my birthday gift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 126

You deserved it 6 483

A writer writes

By Anonymous - 12/06/2020 05:05

Today, my boyfriend came across an old poem I wrote. I like to write horror stuff, but he was disturbed, called it “silly” and “sad”, and said he didn’t want to have a girlfriend who thinks about stuff like that. I'm now discouraged from becoming a writer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 765

You deserved it 229

To each his own

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Absecon

Today, my boyfriend took me home for the first time. His place was covered in Insane Clown Posse stuff, even the toilet bowl. He's an undercover Juggalo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 432

You deserved it 4 913

One day…

By Animal - 24/02/2011 19:14 - Canada

Today, my mom was snooping around my room, and found the unopened box of glow in the dark condoms I bought myself year ago. She laughed and said, "No takers yet, eh?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 310

You deserved it 17 121

Stranded

By digressions - 29/12/2011 19:01 - Canada

Today, I tore a muscle in my back. At the hospital, I was prescribed some pain medication. My husband got me settled at home, with everything I needed within reach, and left for work. As I picked up the bottle to take the first pill, I knocked it on the floor. It rolled under the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 562

You deserved it 3 949

Thanks, I think?

By Skimilk - 18/02/2010 02:47 - Australia

Today, I went in to my local cafe for my morning coffee. I was chatting to the barista as she was making it, and I mentioned that I was starting a new diet. She goes, "Oh that's great! I've been sneaking skimmed milk in your coffee for years, I didn't want to say anything…" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 161

You deserved it 5 895

By jsyn - 09/11/2013 23:27 - United States - East Hampton

Today, somebody broke into my car, just to steal the obviously fake $1,000,000 bill hanging from my rear-view mirror. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 104

You deserved it 11 983

By maddie - 27/12/2011 05:26 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were at dinner with his parents when he discreetly slid his hand up my skirt and tickled me. This caused me to kick his dad's recently broken leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 931

You deserved it 5 000

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The Top

Today, my wannabe psychologist of a brother accused me of lying about all the violence and emotional abuse my ex inflicted on me, all because I went into "too much detail" when describing it, which he says is something only liars do. Thanks for the support. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 651

You deserved it 1 647

Today, we got my dad an iPad for his birthday. I had to repeatedly reassure him that he could in fact touch the screen without being shocked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 581

You deserved it 4 041

Today, at work, I dropped a heavy block of lead on my hand. On my hunt for ice, I had to tell my manager - who told her manager, who told the chief - in the end, the whole department found out and they made me fill in two long-arsed incident reports. I had to fill them in myself with my busted up hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 030

You deserved it 3 287

Today, I just finished a seventeen hour flight in economy. I actually managed to fall asleep, until a flight attendant shined her flashlight directly into my bad eye, triggering an excruciating pain response. Why? "I couldn't see your seatbelt." It was fastened, and the seat belt light wasn't even lit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 214

You deserved it 123

Today, my dad was drunk and angry, so I went to the neighbor's since I didn't know what to do. He was so nice and comforted me as I cried. Then his wife came home, called him a pedophile, beat me, and threw me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 565

You deserved it 65

Today, I really tried to talk to my wife how I feel that she hates me and is with me out of pity. She denied it all but by the end of the conversation mentioned she wants a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 352

You deserved it 129