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Get me the hell out of here

By Miss Spasticator - 26/10/2012 20:49 - United States - Vancouver

Today, I tagged along with some friends to a party in the woods. Halfway into the night, a party-goer's boyfriend got extremely drunk and violent, causing the others to panic and drive away in the two cars we pooled in. My best friend and I had to run all the way back home on foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 777

You deserved it 4 192

The horror!

By Anonymous - 24/01/2023 02:00

Today, it's been a week since my girlfriend moved into my house and I have now discovered she is one of those evil, unnatural beings: a Morning Person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 754

You deserved it 544

Stalker vibes

By Rebecca - 16/11/2021 11:00

Today, my neighbor said hello to me and we chatted a bit. I had my hand in my pocket, fidgeting with my phone as she yammered on. Suddenly, after pressing random buttons, the shutter on my camera went off. A loud KKCCCHHCHHH came from my pocket. She paused and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 279

You deserved it 1 010

Bad boy

By Titatoum - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Belgium - Brussels

Today, I was accused of letting my dog take a shit on the sidewalk and not picking it up. My dog's a chihuahua, and the turd was almost longer than he is. I got fined anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 536

You deserved it 5 935

Yada yada yade

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while waiting for my mom to pick me up from university, I took out my phone and pretended to talk to someone. I didn't think people still pointed and laughed, but apparently they do when your mom pulls up and shouts, "Stop pretending to talk to someone." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 051

You deserved it 33 850

By ohsnap - 22/01/2011 21:24 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend was going down on me, when I heard my dog start growling. He must have thought my girlfriend was hurting me, because out of nowhere and before I could do anything, he attacked her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 879

You deserved it 5 759

By Anonymous - 13/11/2008 08:42 - France

Today, my boss said to me: 'You know, our competitors are also hiring!' FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 347

You deserved it 3 057

The One

By NotTheSoulMate - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, even though I don't necessarily believe in soul mates, I found out my wife does. She met hers a few weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 198

You deserved it 3 879

By Jessica - 19/10/2012 01:57 - United States

Today, I got a job babysitting two really sweet kids. When their parents left, they told me that their cat had died. I told them how sorry I was, to which one of them replied, "That's okay. We still have him in a box. Wanna see?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 200

You deserved it 2 158

By poor teacher - 23/09/2013 17:54 - United States - Syracuse

Today, at my job as a fourth grade teacher, I realized that most of my students have far nicer and more expensive phones than I can afford. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 448

You deserved it 3 890

You'll understand when you're older

By Anonymous - 25/11/2021 17:01 - United States - Livonia

Today, my mom told me the night before our school trip that I’m not going so she could get a refund. Now I have to stay alone with my mom for a week, while my friends are having the time of their life in NYC. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 225

You deserved it 145

Pure class

By Scarred4lyfe - 28/02/2016 22:32 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, my cousin got married. I was cold so I went to get my jacket from my car. While leaving I saw my cousin walking around the front of the venue. I told her she looked beautiful in her dress. She looked up and said, "Where is my beer, have you seen my beer?" and threw up on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 542

You deserved it 1 437

By anon - 10/01/2015 02:13 - United States - Dallas

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were going to sext before going to sleep. It was very late, but I said I'd stay up for him. He sent a text asking me if I was ready. Me replying "yes" was the last thing I remember before I fell asleep on my horny boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 336

You deserved it 10 484

Welcome home

By sammsamm56 - 16/01/2011 19:27 - United States

Today, I found out that my overprotective brother is going to move in with me when he gets out of jail. My chances of ever being in a relationship are now next to zero. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 434

You deserved it 4 676

By cheated - 08/07/2009 06:46 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had sex with my fiancée. My panties fell behind the bed. Later, when I went to get them, I found three other pairs. Only one pair was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 036

You deserved it 4 558

By Inod - 07/07/2009 14:31 - United States

Today, I finally got a Wii Fit to try and lose some weight. I came home and set it all up, only to be told that I weigh too much to actually use it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 402

You deserved it 90

Inod tells us more.

Inod 0

Wednesday 8 July 2009 1:19

I'm the OP, decided to make an account... Reason I put on so much weight is cause I had a car run up my leg by a 16 year old bitch who was too busy chatting on her phone to even notice she hit me. So after my broken foot, ankle, and leg "healed", I got to go through the process of starting rehab on all the torn stuff in my ankle. 18 months later, I can walk again with only a slight limp. Yay! Believe me, I'd love to be able to go out for a walk or hit the gym but some days (rainy days especally) going from bed to the bathroom is a chore and any kind of incline or decline hurts still. And I didn't know I was over 330 when I got to the store (got a scale too, 334... what a bitch, huh?) so that was a huge shock. Obviously I know I was overweight, but not this bad. Thanks to like the 10 people with kind words... the rest of you enjoy your summer, high school starts back up in about 8 weeks.

Chain reaction

By Anonymous - 31/08/2020 23:01 - United States - Nashville

Today, my 7-month-old spit up on the floor. My 3-year-old puts their hands in it, sniffed, and puked. Then sticks their hands in their own puke, sniffed, and puked again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 670

You deserved it 253

By shittysituation - 05/01/2015 06:27 - United States - Milpitas

Today, I came back from break to find that my roommate had been shitting in the bathtub for the entire 2 weeks I had been gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 559

You deserved it 3 137

By WhitneyHouston - 06/07/2009 19:33 - United States

Today, my neighbor knocked on my door and left a note that said "Please stop singing in the shower. You're terrible, and everyone in the building can hear you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 709

You deserved it 15 343

Kinda deserved it

By Anonymous - 10/12/2021 14:02

Today, my son, who to my great shame is a typical bully, was suspended for bullying a disabled girl. Her father must have been the biggest, meanest, most tattooed ex-marine I've ever seen. He blamed me for bad parenting, and I actually peed myself a little in fear, which he saw too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 414

You deserved it 1 680

Fatherly pride

By Anonymous - 02/12/2021 14:01

Today, my wife insisted we start a college fund for our son, even though from where we were sat in the kitchen, we could clearly see him eating ice cream he'd just dropped on the floor, while picking at his belly button. He’s 13. College, sure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 408

Wow, thanks, I'm cured!

By Anonymous - 23/11/2021 20:01

Today, I got the best advice for my depression and anxiety from my parents and relatives: "Get it out of your head, there's no such thing. And get married!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 153

You deserved it 156

Nice bird

By Sick - 01/01/2020 01:00 - Netherlands - Ede

Today, a bird shit on my jacket whilst smoking, I cleaned it and went back outside, and got shit on again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 821

You deserved it 1 003

By Desperate_measures - 16/01/2010 12:22 - Greece

Today, I got a text from my crush. In my clumsy attempt to quickly grab the phone, I knocked it off the kitchen counter and cracked the screen. After driving to my friend's house so I could put my sim card in her phone, I saw that the text said, "Who is this? Stop texting me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 119

You deserved it 14 804

By sydsophnova - 02/07/2009 03:36 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was on the roof of his house. I climbed the ladder but I'm kind of scared of heights, so when I got up there I just sat on the edge. The gutter broke, fell down, and I fell along with it. My boyfriend then said, "I've been trying to tell you to go on a diet". FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 129

You deserved it 9 494

New horizons

By did I wake up in a porn? - 16/07/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, out of a desire for revenge, I went over and confronted the girl my boyfriend cheated with. Somehow, we ended up in bed together. Worse, she's amazing. I'm now seriously considering asking if we can be a throuple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 157

You deserved it 772

By rj93 - 05/11/2011 13:43 - United Kingdom

Today, I learned if you dream you're having a piss, you most likely are having a piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 396

You deserved it 5 859

By Anonymous - 01/10/2012 23:15 - United States - Providence

Today, I asked a girl in my building out. She said yes, and told me her fee per hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 328

You deserved it 2 777

By lebowski101 - 03/11/2011 01:45 - Canada

Today, I was invited to a party to celebrate my ex-fiancée's recent engagement. The party is at work, because my ex is also my boss. Her new fiancée is some guy she met while on a "business trip" that happened while we were still engaged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 936

You deserved it 3 022

By Really? - 10/07/2010 14:57 - United States

Today, I lost my job because I was late. I was late because I had no alarm. I had no alarm because my roommate got mad and broke my phone when I beat her at scrabble. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 873

You deserved it 6 426

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Today, I noticed that I get more calls from people who've dialed the wrong number than I do from people I actually know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 299

You deserved it 2 823

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend why being with a girl while being with me is cheating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 241

You deserved it 7 834

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I was cheating on him. Surprised, I replied "No, Tim, of course not!" This might have been more convincing if I'd called my boyfriend by his own name, instead of the name of the guy I'm cheating on him with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 481

You deserved it 11 334

Today, my grandpa yelled at me, telling me to stop being ugly and rude. I only asked if he could cut the watermelon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 552

You deserved it 158

Today, I was sending screenshots to my best friend about a guy who'd screwed me over. I sent the screenshots to him instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 251

You deserved it 957

Today, I mistook a stranger in a supermarket aisle for an old friend and gave them a big bear hug from behind. Turns out, my "friend" was just now a very confused man in a very similar, but oddly specific jacket that I thought my actual friend had claimed he made himself. Guess not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 227

You deserved it 402