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By Anonymous - 13/09/2010 22:24 - United States

Today, I was telling my friend about how my boyfriend never does anything nice for me. Confused, she replied, "That's odd, he's always doing nice things for me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 231

You deserved it 4 390

By Anonymous - 12/04/2009 15:22 - United States

Today, it was easter and I thought it might be fun to look for eggs with my little brother. My parents told me to take the ones in the higher places that my brother couldn't reach. All of his eggs were filled with candy or money. Each one of mine had a note saying 'maybe when you lose weight'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 994

You deserved it 9 603

Lunch Special

By Luisa - 09/01/2020 01:00

Today, we have nearly no food in the house. My husband went shopping with the kids and returned with a sack of tomatoes. Time to make lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 081

You deserved it 246

By jaqen h'garrrhghhgfgjhfuck - 09/06/2014 21:45 - France - Toulon

Today, I was spinning some yarn around to make my new cat run in circles. After about 10 seconds, he stopped going in circles and went straight ahead, happily running several feet into the wall and knocking himself out. My bowel movements have more brain-power than this thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 953

You deserved it 9 491

Stealthy

By jessye1182 - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Yaphank

Today, I was babysitting, playing hide and seek. I tried to jump behind the armchair, but it tipped, and I hit my head into the wind chimes, ripped the curtain rod from the wall, and smashed my knee into the wall. I lay on the ground in agonizing pain as the little girl shouted, "I know where you are!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 984

You deserved it 6 408

Brat era

By bastards - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Netherlands - Den Haag

Today, I babysat the brattiest and most foul-mouthed 8-year-old I've ever met. After I survived three hours of it, his parents finally came home. He claimed I'd invited a boy over and that we did "stuff" on the couch all evening. They believed him. I didn't get paid, to say the least. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 635

You deserved it 4 291

Misery loves company

By siighh - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, my dad came home from work complaining about all the people he'd seen. He said he doesn't understand why so many people with problems have to confide in him. He's a psychologist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 751

You deserved it 3 337

By Anonymous - 20/08/2017 20:00

Today, I was told to put away the new toilet paper rolls. I reached in the package only for my hand to get wet, and then noticed the yellow liquid at the bottom. My cat used it as a litter box. At least, I hope it was my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 511

You deserved it 397

By my dumb bro - 17/04/2013 16:13 - United States - Gillham

Today, I woke up to my brother chopping all my bangs off. When I yelled at him, he could only shout back, "You can see clearly now, the bangs are gone!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 429

You deserved it 8 764

By Anonymous - 05/05/2012 07:08 - United States

Today, it was my wedding. Everyone showed up… except my fiancé. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 387

You deserved it 3 230

Dr Who

By llamaborn - 05/04/2021 14:00

Today, at the age of 21, I learned that the phrase, “A stitch in time saves nine” is not about traveling back in time and saving nine people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 321

You deserved it 778

By Grand_Cookie - 16/04/2013 08:48 - United States - Norfolk

Today, it transpired that my mom has been spending her stint in prison trying to play matchmaker for me, going so far as to call one of her finds, "good breeding stock". Apparently, I don't already have enough criminals in my life; last September I was the only member of my family of 5 not locked up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 981

You deserved it 3 115

Grand_Cookie tells us more.

Grand_Cookie 21

Wednesday 17 April 2013 1:07

Haha!! Thanks for the support and funny comments! I am a guy and these people she talks about are women and aren't there for anything violent. A few of them have drug/alcohol problems and the rest like to steal things which are also pretty much the same things my entire family did to get locked up at the same time along with some other stuff I don't feel like listing. The sad part is that some of them seem better then the semi-insane girls I usually end up talking to.

By Anonymous - 12/04/2013 09:24 - Australia

Today, I finally invited my girlfriend over to meet my oddball parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "So, you're the silly girl who agreed to date my dickhead son." It went downhill from there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 791

You deserved it 6 947

Personality matters

By hjufidskndf - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend has been asked by multiple people, "Why are you going out with such an ugly girl?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 947

You deserved it 4 183

By dancekat - 08/04/2013 09:17 - United States - Puyallup

Spicy

Today, I shaved my pubic area for my fiancé. He told me it looked "like Frodo tried to hack off Gandalf's beard with Gimli's ax." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 435

You deserved it 12 051

dancekat tells us more.

dancekat 7

Monday 8 April 2013 22:32

Hey, OP here, we had a big laugh about it afterwards. He knew I would love the reference. There was only one nick and he was pretty concerned after he made the joke. P.S. I've loved reading all these comments; they're amazing!

By Anonymous - 03/04/2009 04:17 - United States

Today, my boyfriend sent me a text telling me to turn the radio on to a certain station. When I did, there was a talk show on, and the host was ranting about how important it is for women to control themselves and not be emotional. My boyfriend continued texting me, asking if I was listening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 216

You deserved it 14 822

By imnotastranger - 09/05/2014 03:01

Today, I was teaching my 4 year-old daughter about "stranger danger" and how to deal with it. Later that day, we went out and since I didn't buy her a ice cream, she kept screaming "STRANGER DANGER!" A total stranger tackled me until the cops arrived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 651

You deserved it 6 942

By Anonymous - 06/05/2014 22:47 - United States - Sparks

Today, while working at Home Depot, a customer tried to engage me in a conversation about which gardening tool would "hypothetically" be the best to kill his wife with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 456

You deserved it 3 839

By fattymcbutterpants - 19/06/2011 05:19 - United States

Today, I'm a nanny. After the kids went to bed the dog wouldn't stop barking violently unless I held the end of a blanket for him to hump. I need a raise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 817

You deserved it 3 532

By Anonymous - 20/08/2010 18:40 - United States

Today, while at work, I started to feel sick to my stomach, hot, and dizzy. My co-worker told me to go home. On the way through the locker room to get my stuff, I experienced a dizzy spell so severe, I blacked out and pooped myself. No one in the building is going to let me forget this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 885

You deserved it 3 165

Living my best life

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my electricity went out. The electric company said it was because the bill was at least 4 months overdue. Apparently, I have been paying for my roommate to go out and party for weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 562

You deserved it 4 138

By lucky - 31/03/2009 00:39 - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend of almost ten months who his top five women to have it off with would be. I was third. My mom was second. FML

I agree, your life sucks 106 149

You deserved it 17 915

Welcome to Capitalism

By school issues - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out I'm failing school. Why am I failing? Because I work 60 hours a week. Why do I work 60 hours a week? To pay for school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 352

You deserved it 5 302

By VampiresSayRawr - 28/03/2009 03:16 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I tried having intercourse with my boyfriend, and about 30 seconds in, I heard flipping. He was looking at a porn magazine. "It's to keep my erection" he answered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98 771

You deserved it 9 809

Burnout Fail!

By FML Approved - 23/09/2017 21:00 - United States - New York

It's hard to go back once you've taken matters too far... What was your worst slip?

I agree, your life sucks 342

You deserved it 679

By SmallAngel - 22/03/2013 00:35 - United States - Aurora

Today, I found out my mom thought I was a lesbian because I dated a girl in high school. I didn't date anyone in high school. Apparently, guys never asked me out because my best friend told everyone that I was her girlfriend. I had a two-year lesbian relationship that I never knew about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 301

You deserved it 3 577

Ghosts!

By sleepwalkers - 25/05/2021 05:01 - United States

Today, my daughter’s sleepwalking has been so bad that none of us has slept more than a few hours a night in weeks. We took her to a pediatrician, who referred her to a sleep clinic for children that has no openings for 6 months. My boyfriend is convinced my house is haunted, scaring the other kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 913

You deserved it 138

By Indigo_Kitten - 08/08/2010 01:05 - United States

Spicy

Today, my husband discovered that whispering anything in my ear will turn me on. He turned to me and whispered 'cheeseburger' in my ear. Unfortunately, I moaned. Now he now laughs about it with our roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 011

You deserved it 19 073

The abyss

By The_HML - 24/03/2009 02:48 - United States

Today, I was swimming in the ocean, not too far off shore. I had asked my mom to come in, but she was afraid of the water because fish had nipped at her toes or something back in the day. I told her there was nothing to fear. I ended up getting stung on the balls by a jellyfish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 006

You deserved it 11 172

Well played

By fmfb - 07/06/2011 23:09 - United States

Today, my girlfriend got into my Facebook account and changed our relationship status to single, just to see which of my friends would "like" it. After revealing to me what she did, she now says I can no longer be friends with anyone who liked it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 805

You deserved it 6 291

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

The Top

Today, I learned that my parents' nickname for my fiancé is "dickwad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 758

You deserved it 6 614

Today, I went to move an intimate, very NSFW Word document to a secure folder on my phone. Instead, I accidentally sent it to a printer somewhere in my office building at work. I don't know which of my 40 coworkers or managers has it on their printer for when they arrive tomorrow morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 885

You deserved it 2 357

Today, and every day for the past 3 years, my daughter has consistently woken me up throughout the night to nurse. Bonus? She’s up by 7:00am in the morning and falls asleep around 10pm and it takes me 2 hours to fall asleep. I’m mentally and physically drained, and exhausted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 528

You deserved it 827

Today, at my daughter's wedding celebration, I was doing a Michael Jackson act with a few buddies. It went well until I did the crotch-grab. I yanked my balls too hard and fell to the floor, writhing in agony in front of nearly 70 guests. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 093

You deserved it 26 649

Today, my daughter asked me the difference between "their" and "they're". This is the same child I've been spending thousands of dollars on to send to law school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 729

You deserved it 6 376

Today, the incredibly handsome, talented, hilarious, and intelligent man that I've fallen head over heels like no other for is gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 721

You deserved it 4 443