By kneesarethenewdesk - 19/08/2009 22:38 - United Kingdom
By kneesarethenewdesk - 19/08/2009 22:38 - United Kingdom
By hot_friend - 19/12/2013 06:13 - United States
By adventurousnightsbutnotinagoodway - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Netherlands - Leiden
By anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States
By BadassRumbleroar - 20/01/2012 03:46 - Canada
By csc4lyfe09 - 03/03/2010 00:00 - United States
By omaha24 - 29/04/2020 02:00
By Lin - 02/03/2010 05:57 - United States
By Fag_Hag - 06/02/2009 01:30 - United States
By WTF - 16/03/2011 22:05
By Anonymous - 09/05/2016 03:02 - Canada - Fort Smith
By marcranger - 06/12/2013 02:30 - United States - Littleton
By Ape - 17/12/2012 23:12 - United States
By emchocolat - 16/12/2012 16:55 - Europe
Thanks for your comments and highly original puns ! Just to clear the language issue up: "I was burgled" is correct British English (as opposed to American English) and means "Somebody broke into my house and stole things that belonged to me". "Burglarized" is the American synonym. The site said I come from Europe - I do, but it's a big place. I come from England and I live in Mayotte, a French territory in the Indian Ocean.
By ali456 - 01/12/2013 15:16 - United Kingdom - Dudley
For those who are saying what he did was 'quite fishy', I have to agree. His excuse was, and I quote, "I only realised I had to pick you up half way through the journey, and there was no point turning back". I'm currently not speaking to him, for pretty obvious reasons, and he's now staying at his parents house. The reason I 'normally wouldn't have minded' is because if I wasn't pregnant, and if it wasn't raining, I easily could've caught the bus or walked home and sorted him out afterwards! He is also friends with his ex, and I've met her and spoken to her on quite casual terms before. And for the people who called me a 'chump' and said that I 'shouldn't have gotten pregnant in the first place', thank you - I'll keep it in mind for next time!
By Deaf Biscuit - 26/08/2021 20:01
By ks0300 - 24/02/2010 05:47 - United States
By Anonymous - 26/08/2021 08:01
By randomgirl - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom
By lydiacoolness - 08/08/2009 02:27 - New Zealand
By Anonymous - 24/05/2020 14:00
By K Holed - 29/01/2009 17:04 - United States
By youshitme - 01/03/2011 12:12 - Australia
Hello all ... I've just seen the comments on this ... There were quite a few comments assuming that since I fished out a 2 buck coin from a dunny, that I'd be an unemployed dole bludger. I've never been on any sort of welfare. The previous comment of Sydney being a very expensive city to live in was correct. I don't earn that much, generally between $700-$1100 a week, depending on how busy work is, but I've never been a 'dole bludger', I work very hard, thank you very much.
By Brett meek - 19/02/2010 07:41 - Canada
By cricketeer - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States
By Clare - 21/02/2011 23:15 - Canada
By ummm eww - 12/06/2020 20:05
By Jbs4lf - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Belgium
By Anonymous - 01/08/2009 14:08 - United States
By cricketsins - 08/11/2013 03:33 - United States - Smyrna
Let me give some details before the blasting gets too bad: "beating" was an exaggeration. I was not literally bludgeoning him with a block of cheese. I'm sure that somewhere, someone has done this. That person was not me. It all started because he and I were picking up a few items and he just *happened* to lead me to the cheese aisle in the deli. I love cheese; he knows this and was teasing me. So, one poke led to a pinch, and all of a sudden my cheese-rage took hold and I was swatting him with a block of cheese. It was all in good fun. We are always joking and wrestling around. While we have both seriously hurt one another while wrestling, it's always an accident.
Keywords
This actually happened a couple years ago, and to answer everyone's implied questions, yes he is now my ex, yes this incident was the catalyst, yes I called the cops, and yes I got the car back! After standing outside for a few seconds with my jaw flapping in the wind, then realizing my phone was in the car to top everything else off, I went back inside and had the attendant dial the local cops. Since I knew the make, model, license plate, and rough direction where the cockhole was going, it was pretty easy to track down. He did have the audacity to call me and ask (demand, actually) that I bail his ass out, but I laughed and hung up. I ultimately wound up dropping the charges, since his parents are very well-connected in their hometown, and I knew the lawyer they got him would have been able to get him off on probation or something equally pathetic. But mostly I dropped them because the family was wealthy and vindictive enough that I could have seen them suing me (!!!) to get back the cost of the lawyer's fees, and once it was all said and done, I just wanted a clean break. He had some mental health issues (depression, alcoholism, longtime unemployment) going on way before this, and I'd been weighing my options for getting out for a while. At least his real-life GTA5 enactment gave me the chance I needed!