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By Anonymous - 26/09/2014 19:44 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, my dog got so excited about a new toy that she vomited all over it. I had to clean up the vomit, throw away the toy, and now have a very sad dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 921

You deserved it 4 526

By justlittleoldme - 25/07/2012 21:05 - United States - Sarona

Today, at work in a nursing home, I had to kill imaginary dogs in the lunch room, because they were evil and trying to eat everyone. This started with just one person seeing them, to all 30 of them screaming and freaking out. I spent 45 minutes killing imaginary dogs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 735

You deserved it 2 637

The talk

By Anonymous - 31/05/2023 06:00

Today, I asked my husband if we could start talking about kids. He said sure, so we talked about kids. Then I asked if we could maybe start trying to have kids, and he said, “Absolutely fucking not, are you mad? What’s wrong with you?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 869

You deserved it 568

By mightymart - 24/07/2012 10:26 - Canada - Montreal

Today, my landlord decided to have people visit my apartment since I'm moving out next month. She had warned me about potential visitors this week but didn't specify when. I work the graveyard shift and apparently the fact that I was sleeping in my room during the visit didn't bother her at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 505

You deserved it 1 902

mightymart tells us more.

mightymart 5

Wednesday 25 July 2012 1:15

I would have stayed awake if she would have called before, not like it happens often

By Anonymous - 04/09/2011 05:41 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a huge fight. What was it over? He accused me of pronouncing MY name wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 759

You deserved it 3 882

By Soso96 - 08/08/2010 23:20 - Algeria

Today, I was travelling in a car. As I was discreetly picking my nose, we drove over a speed bump. It hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 484

You deserved it 309

Leave me out of it

By Marissa Di Stefano - 05/01/2021 17:01

Today, my sister and mom were arguing. My sister was being really nasty to my mom, and decided to get nasty with me and drag me into the argument. Naturally, I got nasty back at her and we started fighting. My mom yelled at me for getting nasty with my sister, and kicked me out of the house for “being too nasty.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 914

You deserved it 214

By Anonyme - 11/08/2012 07:20 - France - La Maxe

Today, a lady came for a death certificate at the city hall reception where I work. Reflexively, I asked if it was for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 540

You deserved it 152

By nyaahaha - 02/09/2011 03:44 - United States

Today, my daughter turned Emo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 134

You deserved it 20 718

By NoName - 03/12/2009 19:20 - United States

Today, we had my school musical. The girls have to wear long skirts. I had a thong on, and while we were dancing the guy behind me stepped on my skirt. It fell to my ankles... the whole audience saw my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 680

You deserved it 19 136

By Anonymous - 15/09/2014 18:48 - United Kingdom - Liverpool

Today, I took a shit of biblical proportions. I flushed and opened a window, but my pregnant wife went in straight after me. Her morning sickness kicked in and she quickly ran out, vomit dripping from her mouth. She's pissed and thinks I planned the whole thing as a prank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 212

You deserved it 4 394

Get back here

By Anonymous - 17/05/2009 13:21 - United States

Today, I was in the dressing room of my favorite store. While looking in the mirror at a shirt I really like, the fire alarm went off. In a panic, I ran out of the store like everyone else. The sensor went off on my shirt and I was banned from the store for attempted theft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 673

You deserved it 4 837

By Anonymous - 16/07/2012 00:12 - Canada - Brampton

Today, my dad sat me down for a talk. After the talk, he wasn't my dad anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 011

You deserved it 2 252

By Sarah-Louise James - 29/04/2019 12:00

Today, I was told by one of my bridesmaids that she can't afford the travel costs to get to my wedding, after telling me that she didn't need me to organize alternate free travel for her. I'm getting married in less than two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 100

You deserved it 242

Trial run

By Perdito_Coño - 05/09/2014 20:55 - Australia - Quakers Hill

Today, I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. Unfortunately, she started fake-moaning like a pornstar before I even entered her, totally killing the mood and my boner. She swore she hadn't moaned, accused me of not finding her attractive enough, and angrily left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 810

You deserved it 7 630

The Scatman

By Mandy - 13/03/2022 10:00

Today, I accidentally sharted during sex with a guy I’ve been seeing. I was seriously embarrassed, but he was excited about “new territory we can explore together.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 363

You deserved it 270

Hey good lookin'

By Sovekipisse - 15/06/2013 22:24 - France - Arthon-en-retz

Today, I went to a bar for some drinks. A guy looked me up and down, gave me a suggestive smile, then asked for my name and number. I'd have been a little less creeped out if he hadn't been standing beside me at the urinal the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 605

You deserved it 4 197

By Anonymous - 18/05/2019 02:33

Today, I was complaining to my friend how I was doing all the work in my group, and that they were getting all the credit. Her response? "It's OK, you're doing a shitty job anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 669

You deserved it 283

By broke4life - 28/10/2015 22:16

Today, my boyfriend called me to ask if I knew the serial number for my laptop. I had given him my $650 gaming laptop to sell in his electronics store because I didn't need it and could use the money. Apparently it was stolen at some point yesterday and his cameras were turned off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 447

You deserved it 1 934

Blackout

By Nicholasand - 23/11/2009 18:29 - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up in a closet of a four-star hotel, having spent the night drinking. I'm a secondary school teacher and I've been visiting this place on a school trip. My flight left at 4 a.m. this morning and it's now 1 p.m. in the afternoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 192

You deserved it 61 349

By wellthanks - 10/06/2013 17:04 - United States

Today, in class, we were discussing stereotypes. We were asked about common ones about nearby cities. A guy said, "Well, they say Lumberton has the prettiest girls." My teacher asked if any of us were from Lumberton, so I raised my hand. The guy quickly said, "Nevermind." FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 439

You deserved it 5 867

By worried - 16/08/2011 13:20 - United Kingdom

Today, I heard that a boy in my class had written a song about me. Intrigued, I went to see him perform. I spent 3 excruciating minutes listening to a song about 'the girl of his dreams', his tear-filled eyes staring into mine the whole time. I have to sit next to this freak for the next 2 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 727

You deserved it 55 323

By Xbieblette51 - 19/08/2014 22:30 - United States - Lynnwood

Today, I called my boyfriend to let him know that I'm pregnant. He instantly replied "Bullshit!", then hung up and apparently skipped town. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 879

You deserved it 6 970

By Anoymous - 09/06/2013 06:02 - United States - Burlingame

Today, after telling my mother-in-law about my recent miscarriage, she cheerfully made a cake to celebrate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 690

You deserved it 3 690

By maggie74 - 27/06/2012 04:58 - United States - Enfield

Today, I sent my boyfriend a nude picture, he sent it back to me with a mustache on my face from that iPhone app and told me he likes it much better that way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 873

You deserved it 9 620

By ASMR - 26/05/2019 15:00

Today, I woke up with laryngitis. I just got hired as a waitress. Tomorrow is opening day, the restaurant plays loud music and I can't speak any louder than a whisper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 047

You deserved it 145

By badass - 13/08/2011 07:25 - United States

Today, I started to fall in love with my wife again. We are in the middle of a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 439

You deserved it 18 384

I'm not getting paid enough for this shit

By Username - 20/10/2010 18:08 - France

Today, at work, my boss made me spend a hour trying to catch a baby raccoon in the parking lot. I'm a bank teller. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 674

You deserved it 3 500

By pon-3 - 22/06/2012 21:13 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, I met my biological parents for the first time. Their justification for giving me up for adoption was that I wasn't conceived at the ideal time for them. Apparently, the ideal time was six months after the adoption, when they conceived the first of my two brothers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 991

You deserved it 2 326

By Me - 03/06/2013 05:32 - United States - Homer Glen

Today, while at my aunt's funeral, my grandma who has terrible memory loss asked me whose funeral we were at. I had to explain to her that her daughter had died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 563

You deserved it 3 922

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The Top

Today, it's my birthday. I worked late, so I was looking forward to spending a quiet evening with my husband. When he suggested we go grocery shopping, I got excited thinking he had organized a surprise party or something. He actually just took me grocery shopping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 202

You deserved it 9 701

Today, someone sent my boss a CD full of documents for an upcoming trial. It's my job to sort through the evidence, so he gave it to me. I looked on the CD. There's only one file; a 1020-page PDF of all the documents we need, and the pages weren't scanned in order. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 800

You deserved it 2 458

Today, my stalker - an annoying guy who's dedicated the past three years of his life to stalking me at every turn - somehow got a hold of my number and started texting me at 10pm about how I have no life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 423

You deserved it 2 990

Today, I thought I could stay on the phone and go to the bathroom without him noticing. My mom knocks on the door and without even thinking, I yelled "I'M ON THE TOILET!" He said "ew.." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 632

You deserved it 74 834

Today, I found a bag of frozen broccoli in my car boot from when I went shopping 3 days ago. My whole car smells like farts now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 098

You deserved it 1 035

Today, I had a customer throw his purchase at me and demand a refund after I told him that, due to the national change shortage, I couldn't give him his 38 cents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 413

You deserved it 347