The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

By Anonymous - 21/02/2013 13:43 - United States - Boise

Today, I lost a bet with my friends. I had to go to the super market and buy a copy of 50 Shades of Grey along with a cucumber. The cashier was trying so hard not to laugh while ringing me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 974

You deserved it 12 002

By Anonymous - 03/07/2016 23:22

Today, after months of planning and saving for our honeymoon in Italy, my wife and I were turned away at the airport because my passport only has a month until it expires, even though it's only a five-day trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 193

You deserved it 3 974

I will always be in her thought

By Anonymous - 17/11/2019 18:00

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after being "pressured" into a relationship with another guy. But it's okay, she said she would think of me every time she made love to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 312

You deserved it 232

David Attenborough

By types - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided he was going to narrate everything I do. I can't get him to stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 500

You deserved it 3 744

Crackers

By buryuntime - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my mother was re-enrolling me in school so she was required to fill out some paperwork. Later, she asked me, "What does caucasian mean?" I replied, "Why?" Apparently she didn't recognize the word, so she checked "Other" and wrote in "White". FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 973

You deserved it 5 578

Kinda heartless, but OK

By Anonymous - 30/06/2021 16:01

Spicy

Today, it’s been almost a month and a half of no intimacy between my boyfriend and me. To spice things up, I started going down on him. He burst out crying after a couple of minutes because he "misses his sister." The funeral was nearly 2 months ago already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 453

You deserved it 3 247

By Dave - 10/09/2009 13:37 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years told me that I was part of an experiment for her Sociology doctorate. I also learned that the notebooks she's been writing in for the past three years aren't for her "doctorate in literature" as she had told me, they were notes on my behavior for the past 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 546

You deserved it 3 582

By Grrrr! - 23/04/2011 14:19 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told me he wanted to hunt Easter eggs before we have sex. I'm glad he has his priorities straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 047

You deserved it 10 952

Don't let the bastards grind you down

By Anonymous - 07/03/2020 00:01 - United States

Today, I heard a radio ad for the new anti-bullying efforts at a local middle school. The speaker in the ad was the school counselor… who was also my bully in high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 737

You deserved it 195

Stuck in the middle with you

By Carrie - 28/03/2020 02:00

Today, I had to beg and argue with my boyfriend to get him to take a shower and brush his teeth. This has become a recurring argument now we're confined together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 666

You deserved it 287

By Noname - 16/02/2009 00:33 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job, he was twitching and moving around and saying "oh yeah" then he said "take that bitch". I looked up to see he was only excited about how he is domination in Call of Duty 4. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 063

You deserved it 10 614

We could be heroes

By OhPleaseNo - 07/04/2020 14:00 - OhPleaseNo

Today, I was at work at my local hospital. I went to the toilet to empty my bladder; the door was half open so I assumed it was empty. Upon opening the door, I was greeted with a half naked old man, who then yelled at me and violently shat himself, all over the walls and floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 733

You deserved it 209

Jerk

By GogglesGoggles - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, a guy punched me in the subway for staring at his girlfriend. I had dark glasses on, and was fast asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 464

You deserved it 3 733

Time for the ER

By littl3storm - 24/04/2020 23:00

Today, my brace broke and due to Covid-19, I can't get it fixed for another month and a half. Four brackets have come off, the wire is sinking into my gum, giving me tooth and jaw pain. I can't eat and I'm spending excessive amounts of money on pain relief. The cause of all this? A cheese pasty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 834

You deserved it 281

By Mr. Sensitive Nips - 17/03/2011 22:38 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was spending Saint Patrick's Day with my girlfriend, when she started pinching me for not wearing green. To my complete shock, when she pinched my nipple, I got the biggest, most noticeable erection I've ever had in my life, and no matter what I did, it wouldn't go away. We were in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 614

You deserved it 9 414

By R2A8 - 18/07/2018 02:30 - Kenya - Nairobi

Today, I took off my fake lashes. My fake lashes took off my real lashes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 177

You deserved it 2 410

By Tuture - 30/04/2016 01:08 - France - Paris

Today, a learner driver was practicing maneuvers in the parking lot at work. This happens a lot, and my colleagues and I usually have fun watching and laughing. It was all fun and games as usual, until the learner crashed into my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 646

You deserved it 2 557

British Broadcasting Corporation

By Anonymous - 27/05/2020 23:00

Spicy

Today, working from home due to the quarantine, things were going slow so I typed "Lola Fox BBC DP porn" into my team chat, thinking I was typing it into my browser. My supervisor took it down as soon as it happened, but people definitely saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 550

You deserved it 3 387

By pissedandpoor - 15/04/2016 17:50 - United States - Meadville

Today, my wallet got stolen. I had a bunch of cash, my SS card and my license in it. Now I have to replace everything, only to have to renew my license again when I turn 21 in June. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 006

You deserved it 2 967

Weird kid

By LGraham - 16/06/2020 20:08

Today, my nephew kicked me in the balls, again! And he got me fair and square this time. It's the fourth time he's got me in the balls since the pandemic started. I have to put my groin guard from college on and teach him a lesson because he won't listen and he's 12, so he knows what he's doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 605

You deserved it 336

Fitness guru

By Anonymous - 13/04/2016 16:41 - United States

Today, I joined my grandpa on his morning jog. I didn't last 15 minutes before nearly passing out from exhaustion. He came jogging back home nearly an hour later looking even better than he did when we left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 945

You deserved it 6 783

By Drover7 - 07/04/2016 23:26 - Australia - Padstow

Today, my family is flying to Hawaii for a longed-for holiday. Well, my husband and children are; I'm in a hospital bed awaiting surgery on kidney stones that I never knew I had. Hopefully they'll send me a postcard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 941

You deserved it 1 213

Drover7 tells us more.

Drover7 3

Tuesday 12 April 2016 7:39

I am the OP and wish to thank everyone for their well wishes and kindness. Bit of an update: I have an infection in both kidneys so they can't yet remove the big 7mm stone that is stuck half way. Surgeons put in a stent and my pain filled hazy brain decided I just wanted to be with family so I stupidly boarded a plane to Hawaii! Now I am writhing about in a hotel bed (with a beautiful view of Waikiki and Diamond Head) and still ruining my family's holiday. I didn't realise how serious my condition was when I assured my husband that if he got on the plane I would follow a day later so it's all my fault. I've made a shitty situation even worse. FML

Dietitian is the recognized title

By fatty mcfatfuck - 24/06/2020 02:02

Today, I caught my mother-in-law filling my one-year-old's cup with Dr. Pepper. When I flipped out, she told me I was overreacting since "all her kids turned out fine." Save for my husband, all her kids are morbidly obese diabetics who’ve struggled with poor diets. She herself is almost 450 lbs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 058

You deserved it 181

By Sedici - 18/12/2011 07:44 - United States

Today, I got screamed at, threatened, cursed, and spat on by an elderly couple for "running them off the road". I was driving an ambulance, lights and sirens on, with a 4 year old in the back who couldn't breathe. They were going 20 in a 50mph zone for 2 miles straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 367

You deserved it 2 580

Killing in the name of

By Anonymous - 05/07/2020 02:00

Today, I've loved for years that my boyfriend works at an animal shelter, but I learned from his coworker that he’s the guy that puts the animals to sleep, full time, sometimes 30 a day. Now I’m disgusted to sit in the same room as him, because he always says he loves his job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 753

You deserved it 433

Get over it

By DD. - 08/02/2010 14:18 - France

Today, my wife told me that she wants a divorce. Apparently, I'm taking too long to forgive her for having an affair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 106

You deserved it 4 128

By Andrew - 30/10/2012 06:08 - United States - Monroe

Today, whilst in an argument with my girlfriend, I told her she was the craziest bitch I'd ever met. She responded with "Challenge accepted." I'm now terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 939

You deserved it 46 563

Admission time

By peeoncarl1111 - 29/01/2011 01:06 - United States

Today, I got my wisdom teeth cut out. While my girlfriend was driving me home, I, still being high on the laughing gas, accidentally admitted to cheating on her. She was kind enough to wait until the numbness wore off before she punched me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 493

You deserved it 120 631

By Black - 12/12/2008 03:31 - Lebanon

Spicy

Today, I caught my cat humping my dog while he was asleep. I'm sleeping with the door closed from now on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 333

You deserved it 3 855

Permission denied

By Anonymous - 29/01/2010 01:12 - United States

Today, my mom asked me if I would be embarrassed if she got a tramp stamp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 031

You deserved it 2 668

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous My ex Stalker Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

The Top

Today, my husband and I cooked our first dinner of the year, some grilled steak. The moment we turned our backs to put out the fire, the dog snatched half of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 456

You deserved it 1 003

Today, I had the house to myself for the morning. I decided to enjoy being alone, so pulled my trusty bullet vibrator from the drawer. I was very much into it, loving the alone time and myself, and was on the edge of climax when my vibrator died. This brought me to tears, because all I wanted to do was be alone and masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 417

You deserved it 302

Today, I was having a panic attack so I went to my mum for support. She blocked her ears because my heavy breathing was annoying her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 137

You deserved it 3 089

Today, I’m devastated that I had to completely sever all ties with my mother. She’s a hyper religious zealot who’s gone as far as to threaten to kidnap my children in order to get them baptized after I refused to raise them in her archaic, abusive, oppressive cult-like “church”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 185

You deserved it 169

Today, I was singing in the shower, when some suds from my shampoo fell into my mouth and down my throat. I retched and sputtered for about two minutes before finally throwing up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 743

You deserved it 7 775

Today, after encouraging my cat to try his new cat bed all day with no success, I attempted to gently place him in it. Instead, he managed to fear-spray me in the face. Like a skunk. I didn't even know cats could do that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 796

You deserved it 301