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Gigs

By Anonymous - 22/03/2019 20:00

Today, I went to see my favorite band in concert. Not only did the people next to me have a loud conversation through the entire set, the guy behind me repeatedly tried to lecture me for head-butting him. Given he was a foot taller than me, I'm not even sure how that was possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 030

You deserved it 152

By frenchboyfriend - 14/11/2010 00:28 - Australia

Today, was my girlfriend's birthday. I planned it to perfection: we went shopping, bowling, had lunch in a nice Italian restaurant, watched a French comedy, walked by the river. She also got many presents. Tonight, I was exhausted but happy for her... until she told me her birthday is tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 796

You deserved it 38 320

frenchboyfriend tells us more.

frenchboyfriend 0

Monday 15 November 2010 5:51

The next day (on her actual birthday), I wished her a happy birthday again and luckily I still had a present for her (I had planned on giving her the nicest present right before bed the previous night but when she told me her birthday was the next day, I kept it for her real birthday!). :-)

Tuck in

By skollasch - 25/09/2014 06:21 - United States - Highland

Today, I was told by my doctor I should start eating meat again after two years of vegetarianism, in an effort to be healthier. After horrid gas after my first turkey sandwich, I was told that my body no longer has the enzymes to digest meat. My efforts to be healthy crippled my stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 895

You deserved it 16 698

By boyo - 21/05/2009 09:48 - United Kingdom

Today, I was visiting my sick grandmother in the hospital when my cousin and I were playing in some empty wheelchairs. After goofing off I said, "They're fun, but I would kill myself if I was in a wheelchair." A little boy rounded the corner and said, "Tell me about it." He was in a wheelchair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 321

You deserved it 82 113

No thanks

By SadIndianLife - 15/11/2015 21:00 - India - Delhi

Today, my girlfriend's mother is more into me than she is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 500

You deserved it 2 259

Thirst trap

By Anonymous - 19/05/2019 06:11

Today, I woke up late for work. I rushed everything, ate a quick meal and was thirsty as hell. I saw a 2-liter Coca Cola bottle, so I poured a huge glass filled with ice and ran out the door. While driving, I took a huge gulp of nice, cold thick cooking oil. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 010

You deserved it 969

By realnotimaginary - 15/12/2016 06:00

Today, my boss gave me a lecture accompanied with a formal warning because I failed to take notes during a client meeting. I was never at this client meeting, in fact, I had a call with another client at the same time. Regardless, he insists I was there and refuses to listen to reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 208

You deserved it 539

By Tigerlily - 03/05/2017 22:00

Today, my cat thanked me for buying her a new litterbox by peeing in all of my plants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 223

You deserved it 621

By jake - 12/08/2014 10:21 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I dropped my kid into a crowded wishing fountain instead of a coin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 745

You deserved it 40 775

By Preggo - 10/12/2016 01:51

Today, I vomited so hard into the toilet that the water splashed back into my face. I instinctually moved away only to finish puking on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 629

You deserved it 864

By ok cool - 13/10/2015 01:53 - United States - Fayetteville

Today, while I was in the bathroom my mom walked in and tried to have a conversation with me about my bowel movements. I'm 23, and this is a regular thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 187

You deserved it 2 896

Happy Holidays!

By dazedandconfused - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, everyone from my job showed up for work because our boss demanded that we have a team meeting before half of the company leaves for the holidays. Everyone showed up except my boss, who is apparently already in Hawaii vacationing until New Year's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 715

You deserved it 619

By sadCowboysfan - 07/12/2016 16:37

Today, in an effort to get active, I swam some laps at my school pool. Afterwards, I noticed that someone had broken into the locker I was using. Thankfully nothing was stolen except for my shoes and socks. I had a full day of classes to go to, barefoot, in December and an hour bus ride home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 255

You deserved it 611

sadCowboysfan tells us more.

sadCowboysfan 20

Thursday 8 December 2016 19:01

Hi all, OP here, I actually got kinda lucky since my bf, who was going to the gym later, brought the flip flops that he wears in the school shower and he gave me those. So I didn't have to go the whole day totally barefoot but it was still kinda cold. On the bright side, this experience forced me to get over my dislike of wearing sandals/flip flops in public so that's good. Anyway, thanks for the suggestions and funny comments!

Furious

By Anonymous - 27/05/2013 00:40 - United Kingdom - Maybole

Today, a man asked about fishing in the river that flows beside where I work. I said you could, but anything you caught under 5 inches has to be thrown back. His wife then said, "Wish I knew that before I married him." I started to laugh. The man almost cried and complained to my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 249

You deserved it 8 288

Blast from the past

By fat_thighs - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I read a PostSecret that said, "I'm afraid my thighs will start to touch soon." My thighs have always touched. I didn't even know thighs weren't supposed to touch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 948

You deserved it 11 994

By fingwhore - 27/07/2014 17:12 - United States - Greensboro

Today, my girlfriend came back from camping with her friends. I say "friends", I mean "friend". And when I say "friend", I mean "her ex". I took a look through her bag afterwards, and well, who knew condoms were considered camping equipment these days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 600

You deserved it 6 973

You OK, hun?

By Anonymous - 25/11/2016 08:43

Today, I got to meet the guy that I have been talking to over a dating website. We were having a great time, at least until I managed to randomly fall asleep in front of him. I spent the rest of the day sending text messages trying to explain to him that I suffer from narcolepsy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 293

You deserved it 1 054

By Anonymous - 30/06/2019 12:12

Today, my son got an email saying he could win an iPad if he just entered his credit card number. He asked for mine, telling me that it was so he could buy some school supplies online, so I gave it to him. The internet just conned a credit card number out of a 17-year-old nitwit. And me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 733

You deserved it 1 025

By rosecolas - 12/11/2016 13:36 - United States - Falls Church

Today, I was given a building key that students aren't supposed to have because they'll lose it. I told my coach I wouldn't lose the key. The same key disappeared not even 20 minutes later without a trace. I still can't find it, and it's been an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 095

You deserved it 3 733

By Anonymous - 22/09/2015 02:47 - United States

Today, I had finally summoned the courage to break up with my boyfriend, something I've needed to do for a long time. Right before my speech, he presented me with tickets to my favorite band a month from now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 967

You deserved it 6 010

By Getmeout - 31/05/2012 06:50 - United States - Hartfield

Today, while sitting in my Forensic Psychology class, my professor listed all of the main traits that indicate someone may very well be a sociopath. Every single trait described my fiancé perfectly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 755

You deserved it 5 749

Oh, hi Mark!

By DepressedKid - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I found out that no one actually likes me as a friend. They only like me to get answers for schoolwork. How did I find out? They were talking about it in front of me. Apparently I'm also invisible to them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 813

You deserved it 3 830

By poormanslucyliu1 - 07/11/2016 02:28

Today, I had to teach my 13-year-old sister that sugar and salt don't, "cancel each other out to make the taste neutral". FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 846

You deserved it 726

Inappropriate!

By Anonymous - 29/09/2010 02:09 - United States

Today, I nervously introduced my mother to my new boyfriend. I had to sit and watch her flirt with him for an hour. When I took her in the other room and confronted her about it, she said, "Don't you dare ruin this for me!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 159

You deserved it 3 414

By Anonymous - 18/07/2019 02:00

Today, my son walked in on me masturbating. Now, whenever I don't do whatever he wants, he blackmails me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 335

You deserved it 2 206

Traditional

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Ghana - Accra

Today, I'm on holiday in Ghana. After having worn an anklet I bought here for the past two weeks, I was told that it's used by the local prostitutes to advertise their trade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 145

You deserved it 8 114

By maggierose171 - 19/05/2012 15:08 - United States - Rosendale

Today, my daughter's bed broke. Trying to see the damage, I lay down on her floor to get a closer look. I saw mountains of condom boxes under there. Now I know why the bed broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 366

You deserved it 5 753

Marvel Comics

By Anonymous - 14/07/2011 16:52 - United States

Today, my boyfriend fingered me. He never cuts his nails. It felt like I was getting intimate with Wolverine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 866

You deserved it 15 929

It's just a prank, bro!

By Anonymous - 13/05/2012 12:15 - United States - Hanover

Today, I finally got the girl of my dreams to come over for a movie. When I answered the door, my little brother ran up behind me, yelled, "Geronimo!" and pulled down my pants and underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 210

You deserved it 3 232

By RjsBabe - 01/10/2016 06:14 - United States - Tulare

Today, after I got the birth control implant, waited a week like my doctor told me, my fiancé is still too scared that I'll get pregnant. It's been two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 042

You deserved it 1 223

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The Top

Today I opened the door for my cat and he brought in a rat with him. Now the rat is hiding in my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 284

You deserved it 918

Today, I waited 7 hours for my mom to come home and give me my computer back. 15 minutes after she got home, I remembered that I had hidden my computer myself so she wouldn't take it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 827

You deserved it 19 889

Today, I learned that my girlfriend is cheating on me when she was arrested for having sex in public. Not with me though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 471

You deserved it 3 612

Today, a client wanted me to change the design I'd given him, again. I've been working with this client for a week now, giving him many designs throughout the week, and he rejected all of them. After all of the changes he wanted, he said that I should just use the first design I sent to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 238

You deserved it 367

Today, I found out my mum has been using my electric shaver for several months to shave her pubes and underarms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 975

You deserved it 86

Today, my mom, dad, and little brother all adore my boyfriend, and treat him like a son. When he’s here, he gets more family love than I do. I’ve wanted to dump him for weeks because we’re really not working out, but I know that if I do my entire family will pitch a fit, and bug me to take him back FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 070

You deserved it 238