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By Anonymous - 02/01/2014 05:14 - United States - Stockbridge

Today, I decided to do a little shopping at Victoria's Secret. The woman at the register smiled and asked, "Got a special someone to impress?" I told her that my boyfriend of three years was in town for New Year's and we haven't seen each other in months. Then I went home to my four cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 776

You deserved it 13 731

By unluckycounsellor - 30/06/2009 23:26 - Bermuda

Today, I was teaching swimming. A small boy said his stomach hurt, so I placed him on my back and carried him to the main building where he could lay down. He then jumped off my back and ran back towards the beach because 'he felt better'. I had explosive diarrhea all over my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 821

You deserved it 4 833

By Annie - 01/11/2018 22:15

Today, the CEO of my company told me the only reason I'm being sent to this huge tech conference is because the company will look better with a girl there. I'm expected to stay out until 4am with creepy rich business partners to stroke their egos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 340

You deserved it 268

By Username - 03/01/2011 11:40

Today, I lost my virginity, I think. Does it still count if she left halfway through, laughing? FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 910

You deserved it 10 708

By Anonymous - 20/06/2009 11:13 - Switzerland

Today, I was having sex with a girl. Things were getting pretty hot, so I decided to smack her butt. I missed. I smacked my balls instead. Real hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 354

You deserved it 307

By What-_- - 25/01/2017 00:00

Today, my roommates keep opening my bedroom door to "let the WiFi out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 487

You deserved it 557

By whenlifeisalemon - 09/01/2016 23:19 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I waited patiently in the airport as my flight was repeatedly delayed. After 5 long hours I approached one of the attendees to discover that the plane had left 5 minutes ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 520

You deserved it 3 511

By theoriginalkydd - 11/12/2018 07:30 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I met up with my ex-girlfriend for coffee. It’s been months, and I was planning on flexing on her with my new car. Turns out, she also got a new car, and it’s newer, cleaner, faster, and better on gas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 118

You deserved it 3 654

I hate my job

By norestforthewicked - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my girlfriend's deaf and senile cat listens to my verbal instructions better than my completely healthy middle school students listen to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 991

You deserved it 732

By f4444 - 21/12/2015 05:38 - United States - Highland Park

Today, the guy I thought I was exclusive with admitted that the only reason he comes over is because no one else will sleep with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 187

You deserved it 2 616

By bapbap - 18/12/2015 18:33 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, my doctor told me I needed to eat more salt to keep my blood pressure from dropping dangerously low. He only shrugged when I pointed out that he had previously told me to eat a low-salt diet to control my vertigo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 729

You deserved it 1 536

bapbap_fml tells us more.

bapbap_fml 15

Saturday 19 December 2015 20:34

I'm already on a ton of medication anyways. I'm trying to find a balance between too much and too little salt, it's just tricky. My doctor is usually pretty helpful, more so that others I've seen. My health issues are just kind of complex so it's a handful trying to keep it all under control.

By MarkQ95 - 21/07/2013 23:58 - Ireland

Today, trying to flirt with a girl, I was trying to make it out as if I had a great sex life. I got stuck between saying "100% customer satisfaction" and "no complaints" and blurted out "100% customer complaints." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 850

You deserved it 59 816

By fmltom - 16/12/2015 02:21 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my coworker, who has a tendency to overshare, decided to tell me she has chlamydia. I threw my hands in the air and said, "Stop. I don't wanna know." A customer heard this exchange and we were both written up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 777

You deserved it 1 690

By Anonymous - 28/05/2009 20:15 - Canada

Today, I was getting ready for my first date with a boy I really like when my dad insisted on meeting him. My dad is super protective and a cop. He cleaned his gun in front of my date and made it clear he had to be careful with me. My date started to cry when we got to the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 878

You deserved it 6 406

By wtfiswronghere - 08/12/2015 18:36 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, my grandmother insisted that Mexicans sacrifice humans every year as part of their Catholic religion. The Swaggart guy on TV said so, and apparently, he can't be wrong, ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 733

You deserved it 1 383

By sydysyd - 21/11/2010 23:43 - United States

Today, when I got home, I went into my room to find a Bratz doll and a Ken doll laying naked, on top of each other on my bed. Attached to them was a note that stated, "Please use your imagination and find other ways besides porn to get excited. The computer keeps getting viruses. Love, Mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 495

You deserved it 54 116

Good boys always win

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she felt bad that her puppy was lonely while we dated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 151

You deserved it 5 205

Dorsia? On a Friday night?

By DoYourWorst - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, marks yet another day when I've been threatened to be ruined with the words, "I know people in high places!" and had objects thrown at me at my workplace. I'm a hostess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 366

You deserved it 443

By frenchboyfriend - 14/11/2010 00:28 - Australia

Today, was my girlfriend's birthday. I planned it to perfection: we went shopping, bowling, had lunch in a nice Italian restaurant, watched a French comedy, walked by the river. She also got many presents. Tonight, I was exhausted but happy for her... until she told me her birthday is tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 795

You deserved it 38 313

frenchboyfriend tells us more.

frenchboyfriend 0

Monday 15 November 2010 5:51

The next day (on her actual birthday), I wished her a happy birthday again and luckily I still had a present for her (I had planned on giving her the nicest present right before bed the previous night but when she told me her birthday was the next day, I kept it for her real birthday!). :-)

Tuck in

By skollasch - 25/09/2014 06:21 - United States - Highland

Today, I was told by my doctor I should start eating meat again after two years of vegetarianism, in an effort to be healthier. After horrid gas after my first turkey sandwich, I was told that my body no longer has the enzymes to digest meat. My efforts to be healthy crippled my stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 893

You deserved it 16 696

By Anonymous - 23/11/2015 05:44 - United States

Today, my one-year-old son threw up on the man sitting next to us on a plane. I felt bad and apologized profusely. When I tried to give him money for dry cleaning, he slapped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 918

You deserved it 3 650

By Anonymous - 06/11/2015 05:29 - United States - Madison

Today, after countless nights spent together and flirty texts, I decided ask my crush on a date while at a party. We went on a walk and held hands. Just as I asked him, he said no, let go of my hand and briskly walked away. He was my ride home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 929

You deserved it 1 858

Thirst trap

By Anonymous - 19/05/2019 06:11

Today, I woke up late for work. I rushed everything, ate a quick meal and was thirsty as hell. I saw a 2-liter Coca Cola bottle, so I poured a huge glass filled with ice and ran out the door. While driving, I took a huge gulp of nice, cold thick cooking oil. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 006

You deserved it 962

By Anonymous - 25/10/2015 03:39 - United States

Today, my cousin got hired after six days of job-hunting. I graduated from university six months ago and haven't even scored a single interview; he's a deadbeat junkie who just got out of prison after doing time for armed robbery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 910

You deserved it 2 864

By realnotimaginary - 15/12/2016 06:00

Today, my boss gave me a lecture accompanied with a formal warning because I failed to take notes during a client meeting. I was never at this client meeting, in fact, I had a call with another client at the same time. Regardless, he insists I was there and refuses to listen to reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 205

You deserved it 539

By jake - 12/08/2014 10:21 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I dropped my kid into a crowded wishing fountain instead of a coin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 744

You deserved it 40 771

By Preggo - 10/12/2016 01:51

Today, I vomited so hard into the toilet that the water splashed back into my face. I instinctually moved away only to finish puking on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 627

You deserved it 863

Happy Holidays!

By dazedandconfused - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, everyone from my job showed up for work because our boss demanded that we have a team meeting before half of the company leaves for the holidays. Everyone showed up except my boss, who is apparently already in Hawaii vacationing until New Year's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 712

You deserved it 619

By sadCowboysfan - 07/12/2016 16:37

Today, in an effort to get active, I swam some laps at my school pool. Afterwards, I noticed that someone had broken into the locker I was using. Thankfully nothing was stolen except for my shoes and socks. I had a full day of classes to go to, barefoot, in December and an hour bus ride home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 253

You deserved it 610

sadCowboysfan tells us more.

sadCowboysfan 20

Thursday 8 December 2016 19:01

Hi all, OP here, I actually got kinda lucky since my bf, who was going to the gym later, brought the flip flops that he wears in the school shower and he gave me those. So I didn't have to go the whole day totally barefoot but it was still kinda cold. On the bright side, this experience forced me to get over my dislike of wearing sandals/flip flops in public so that's good. Anyway, thanks for the suggestions and funny comments!