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Hey guys, OP here! Must confess, this actually happened to my mum, who really isn't a fan of weed. If it had happened to me it wouldnt have been such a big deal but for a middle class woman in her 40's its a bit of a shocking statement on a first date! That coupled with the fact he kept suggesting to her that they should get a hotel room was enough to send her running!

By TiredHomeowner - 16/07/2018 15:00

Today, I realised just how skewed my reality is when I was pleasantly surprised that teenagers threw eggs at my windows. They usually throw rocks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 416

You deserved it 223

By NickySimpson - 30/04/2016 00:46 - United States - Sacramento

Today, I almost got fired for not following my boss on Twitter and Instagram. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 937

You deserved it 1 194

NickySimpson tells us more.

NickySimpson 17

Sunday 1 May 2016 2:56

Guys, I work at Cartoon Network as a storyboard artist where we joke a lot. Luckily, my boss was joking. Phew.

By AllegroRubato - 04/12/2012 20:09 - Chile - Santiago

Today, after having sex, my girlfriend left my apartment after furiously ranting at me, because I made her come "too many times" and that it's "unfair" to her. What? FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 355

You deserved it 4 947

AllegroRubato tells us more.

AllegroRubato 16

Wednesday 5 December 2012 13:13

Hey, OP here! So yeah, after the fact, I also figured that she felt inadequate, in an "it's unfair that I don't get to please you" kinda way, but it's confusing because it's not like I didn't ****** at all or anything. The way she reacted, though, was a bit over the top. We haven't been dating for that long, though so I'm confident these are just little bumps that we'll figure out on the march :) Haha, and thank you very much to all the lovely ladies who flatter me with their comments. Sadly, I'm gonna have to (very) regretfully decline for now, since I really, really like my gf--even if she does go crazy from time to time! :D

By BeboKhaos - 04/08/2009 02:37 - United States

Today, I had my first blow job. My girlfriend thought it would be sexy to "caress" my ball sack. By caress she meant bitch slap from side to side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 815

You deserved it 9 526

Forgive me

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while working as a massage therapist, a client had me work on a very specific knot in his shoulder. He also happened to have a very detailed, very realistic tattoo of the Crucifixion on his shoulder. I just spent 45 minutes violating Jesus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 790

You deserved it 4 329

By Lotz - 29/08/2018 14:30

Today, I found out that my sister has been stealing money from me. My parents won't do anything because there's "no evidence it was her". She's the only one in this house that spends regularly and has opportunities to take it while no one's around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 694

You deserved it 222

Lonesome Tonight

By Is_This_Real - 30/03/2016 20:46 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, the only constant person in my life is the guy that smokes outside my apartment building. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 138

You deserved it 1 531

The Patriarch

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Mentor

Today, my daughter got her first period. Nobody was home but my husband. He didn't know what to do, except give her a sponge to put in her underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 562

You deserved it 4 360

By hollyglambert - 27/03/2016 17:21 - Canada - Victoria

Today, I went on my first date. When we got to the restaurant he started hitting on the waitress. As soon as we sat down he took out his iPod and watched a video, then took out his phone and went on Tinder. Then about a minute before the bill came he dissapeared to the bathroom for 20 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 076

You deserved it 1 956

hollyglambert tells us more.

hollyglambert 19

Monday 28 March 2016 20:07

OP here. Thanks everyone. Don't worry I won't be seeing him again. Also responding to that one guy, I did not expect him to pay the bill however I would have liked to go halves instead of pay for us both. Anyways thanks guys :)