The Top

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Nice try, Sharon

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Bremerton

Today, my ex told me that she's 3 weeks pregnant with my child. Not only was she on her period when I broke up with her last week, her friend let me know that the positive pregnancy test she showed me was a fake that she'd bought online. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 339

You deserved it 5 517

Cash grab

By Anonymous - 23/04/2009 02:22 - United States

Today, I spotted one of my friends using the ATM outside our school's university center. I crept up behind him, grabbed his shoulders abruptly, and shouted in my best deep man-voice, "Give me all your money!" Turned out to be a poor, unsuspecting freshman. He gave me his money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 919

You deserved it 74 308

By Angie - 12/09/2015 21:34 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me and filmed it, because it would "be a big hit on YouTube." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 265

You deserved it 2 000

By manda8484 - 01/11/2016 05:12 - United States

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I've been crushing on for a while. When he dropped me off, I said thank you and that we should do it again sometime. He replied, "Yeah, maybe next Halloween." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 811

You deserved it 815

I helped!

By angelsaredicks - 11/09/2015 13:55 - United States - Morgantown

Today, I gave blood for the first time, since I'm a universal donor. After it was done, I passed out, woke up, puked, and passed out again. The kind nurses told me I was the worst case they had seen all week. So much for doing something to help others. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 034

You deserved it 2 106

By sunshine - 29/06/2017 02:00

Today, I saw my uncle after six months. The first thing he says to me is, 'I didn't even recognize you! You've gained so much weight.' Gee thanks uncle. Just what I wanted to hear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 914

You deserved it 943

TMI

By Deweyboy - 30/10/2016 04:23

Today, since I needed someone to talk to about it, I told my girlfriend how my dad was recently diagnosed with diabetes. My girlfriend's mother then told me, in graphic detail, how her father's diabetes led to his toes being hacked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 791

You deserved it 740

By Hellish - 21/10/2016 04:11 - United States - Gurnee

Today, I started a new job that was highly recommended by a worker there. The same coworker that is now making my life a living hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 757

You deserved it 829

How can I put it…?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my mom asked me what a MILF is. Apparently that's her nickname at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 713

You deserved it 4 621

By Anonymous - 28/08/2015 06:39 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, after missing college for a week due to illness, I found out my "friends" were bullshitting me about us having to write an important no-extension Biology essay. Copious amounts of my sweat, snot and tears went into that desperation-fueled nightmare. Thanks, dickheads. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 048

You deserved it 2 607

Free speech

By christacat - 28/09/2016 10:24 - United States - Delaware

Today, I have a speech impediment that's recently become more noticeable. My entire family has decided that the best way to go about handling it is to mock me whenever I try to say something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 118

You deserved it 939

Beep Beep Who's Got the Keys to the Jeep

By Loser - 11/08/2017 20:00 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, I lost my keys while at the supermarket. I franticly back-tracked through the store, asking everyone I saw along the way. They eventually showed up, right where I left them... in my unattended car, the engine still running. There was an announcement made over the PA system. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 147

You deserved it 3 424

By poor_college_kid - 15/09/2016 12:39 - United States - Tucson

Today, I found out that I owe my college a little over $10,000. Why? Because, due to a slight misspelling of my name, the scholarship that I have been going insane trying to meet the requirements for is not actually giving me any funding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 717

You deserved it 890

By CoalRose - 11/09/2016 20:33 - United States - Santa Clara

Today, my nose ring became a fish hook. What did I catch? My dog's harness. She nearly ripped it out of my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 307

You deserved it 5 269

Internship troubles

By bibou2324 - 18/04/2012 20:41

Today, during my first day as a doctor’s intern, I attended a consultation. The embarrassed patient asked me to leave. Not really knowing my way around, I went through the first door I could find. By the time I realized it was a closet, I didn’t dare come back out. Twenty minutes is a long time to wait. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 535

You deserved it 5 573

Uncomfortable

By bad timing - 04/09/2019 00:01 - United States - Monterey Park

Today, at work, my manager accidentally bumped into me, brushing my behind with the back of his hand. He was a bit embarrassed, so I jokingly said, “You could at least buy me dinner first!” He went to HR and told them I made him uncomfortable. I was just trying to lighten the mood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 937

You deserved it 378

By Anonymous - 16/08/2016 16:10 - United States - Richmond

Today, my ex-husband introduced our daughter to her "new mommy". That's the third time this year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 207

You deserved it 1 220

By ladylarni - 07/04/2013 08:20 - Australia

Today, my ex-husband officially became my stepdad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 96 084

You deserved it 4 878

By Jman212 - 09/10/2017 20:00 - United States - New Braunfels

Today, my work-mandated anger management therapist gave me some sage advice: "Get a new job." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 250

You deserved it 419

Karen's aquarium

By agrant93 - 21/05/2021 09:02 - United States - Nampa

Today, I got called a racist because I refused to sell a woman a bunch of rather large 4-inch goldfish for a 10-gallon aquarium. These fish get 10 inches long and she wanted 20 of them. Essentially, she screamed at me for a half-hour, asking to speak to my manager. I'm the manager. She called corporate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 864

You deserved it 133

agrant93 tells us more.

agrant93 6

Saturday 8 May 2021 7:26

To clarify we're both white

By Burny - 12/10/2017 16:00

Today, my partner took a shower while in the middle of cooking something. My eyes are still burning from the smoke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 878

You deserved it 304

By Jacqueline H'ghar - 30/07/2016 08:56 - New Zealand

Today, I missed my bus to the doctor's office for my scheduled pap test. I was so desperate, I called my deadbeat mom to ask for a ride. She said "Virgins don't need pap tests", laughed, then hung up on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 880

You deserved it 1 143

By ThanksForTheWarningDad - 22/07/2016 11:09 - United States - Wood River

Today, my dad didn't mention he had just aired up the tire on my van and that it might have a hole in it. It wasn't flat when I left the house but it sure as hell was when it exploded, not even a mile down the road. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 221

You deserved it 918

Dodged a bullet, TBH

By RKD - 23/10/2019 22:00 - United States - Panama City

Today, my girlfriend, whom I thought I would marry, broke up with me. She broke up with me because I don't believe the government controls the weather. Um, what? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 878

You deserved it 228

Consistent

By Username - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, as I was filling out divorce paperwork, I realized that my son has had the same girlfriend through both of my marriages. He's 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 970

You deserved it 57 774

Chuck E. Cheese awaits

By mama’s boy - 31/10/2019 00:01

Today, I realized just how spoiled and immature my boyfriend is when I asked him several times what he’d like for dinner. Getting no answer, I made steak, potatoes and salad. He then sulked and refused to eat it, since he wanted spaghetti and meatballs instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 347

You deserved it 412

Giving up

By Kate - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my husband decided he will be a 'stay at home' dad. We have two cats. No kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 281

You deserved it 4 211

Mean streets

By love_today - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I got called a "f***ing b**ch" by one of my students. I teach kindergarten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 982

You deserved it 7 233

Not mine!

By Anonymous - 21/12/2019 18:00

Today, my girlfriend wished me a happy birthday. Too bad my birthday isn't for 5 months. She mixed up my birthday with the guy she's been cheating on me with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 751

You deserved it 250

By anonymous - 05/02/2014 02:48 - United States

Today, due to the dry weather, my nose became dry and began to bleed so I plugged it with toilet paper and went about my business. Forgetting about it, I later went out to smoke a cigarette. Not paying attention, I lit the toilet paper on fire as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 933

You deserved it 45 124

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The Top

Today, I strained so hard while on the toilet that I gave myself a nosebleed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 131

You deserved it 5 972

Today, I saw a little girl digging in the gravel inside the fireworks tent I work in. After she and her family left, I went and used my foot to smooth out the mound she'd made. In doing so, I discovered that she wasn't digging, she was burying. She'd pooped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 254

You deserved it 4 801

Today, my boyfriend told me he masturbates to the thought of me swimming in pancake syrup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 126

You deserved it 5 807

Today, I was walking in rain. I had my hands in my pants pockets, so that the front of the jacket was pointing down. Halfway to Taco Bell, my crotch felt exceptionally wet. I looked down to see a wet spot. The rain on my jacket was channeled to my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 093

You deserved it 6 172

Today, we had a patient projectile vomiting in our ambulance. I didn't know she had puked on our cot until I found it with my bare hand at the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 405

You deserved it 208

Today, after asking my boyfriend multiple times to be more kind and romantic, he looked at me lovingly and said, "You know, you look pretty sometimes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 409

You deserved it 181