The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

By sw2f2fchik612 - 04/08/2016 02:01 - United States - Snellville

Today, I was sitting on the floor petting my cat. Something that felt like a rock was jabbing into my leg so I reached down to remove it. It was an ancient, rock-hard piece of dung. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 823

You deserved it 1 747

sw2f2fchik612 tells us more.

sw2f2fchik612 12

Thursday 4 August 2016 23:11

This is my FML. And yay, I finally got one published! Anyway, yes it was inside on the floor and yes, it was freakin' gross haha. I had just come home after being away for several weeks for those saying I haven't been cleaning lol. I didn't see it because it blended in with the color of the rug. It actually hurt when I sat down on it. I can only assume one of the dogs snuck it from the litter box as they tend to do.

Now you tell me!

By Anonymous - 01/12/2017 01:30

Today, after a year of diet and rigorous exercise, I've still gained weight. Confused, I went to my doctor. Apparently I have a thyroid condition he forgot to mention, and therefore haven't been on medication for, thus causing weight gain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 942

You deserved it 264

By RobotUnicorn1209 - 21/11/2017 19:30 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, I finally found out why the water in my bottle had been tasting strangely minty for the past few weeks when I saw a piece of gum sitting at the bottom of it. I don't chew gum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 523

You deserved it 1 131

Running gag

By needsomelove - 20/10/2019 06:00 - France

Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex. Foreplay was amazing, but as soon as he started to get it in, he lost his erection because he was too nervous. He's a 30-year-old virgin and this has happened at least 10 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 402

You deserved it 342

Nightmare

By yeah - 25/10/2019 14:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. In Walmart. Over the loudspeaker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 946

You deserved it 201

Don't date coworkers

By Pastrygirl - 11/07/2016 22:00

Today, while finishing up at work, I started helping a co-worker out with his workload since I'd finished mine. His girlfriend apparently didn't like this and started slamming things around, constantly muttering passive aggressive comments because she wanted to help him. I work with idiots. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 673

You deserved it 908

By dumbmotherinlaw - 06/07/2016 17:29 - United States - San Diego

Today, I was crossing back over the Mexico-US border. My mother-in-law got out of the car to go to the bathroom, since traffic was horrible. Two hours of worrying sick later, turns out she crossed the border without telling me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 333

You deserved it 821

Funny guy

By Anonymous - 09/09/2022 02:00 - United States - Lima

Today, my boyfriend and I were finishing in the bedroom; he pulled out and finished on my stomach. Then he figured that was the time to quote Shrek, saying, "Better out than in I always say." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 085

You deserved it 376

Fortunately, she's gone

By IGotFinessed - 14/11/2019 14:00 - United States - New Fairfield

Today, I just realized that my ex-girlfriend has been using my credit card to buy condoms, beer, and dildos just to piss me off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 940

You deserved it 605

Strange noise

By Anonymous - 22/01/2020 18:00

Today, I was awoken at 1:30am by a strange noise, and something tugging on my hair. I opened my eyes, to find a very large rat sitting on my pillow, chewing my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 814

You deserved it 227

By AstonBrown - 15/06/2016 17:53 - United States - Cleveland

Today, a strong storm knocked the power out at our office. I was dismissed five hours early, had my desk locked up and was walking toward the doors to leave when the power came back on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 970

You deserved it 1 030

Actor's Studio

By darthmilfious - 31/03/2010 07:56 - France

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was making a list of things to do tomorrow while faking an orgasm when I realize my boyfriend had finished about two minutes ago. He's pissed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 694

You deserved it 69 192

Get back

By Casdmo - 29/04/2018 15:00

Today, the person who is supposed to train me at my new job left the country for a week due to a family emergency. I can't start until they return. This pushes my first paycheck back a pay period, two weeks later than expected. I'm already broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 173

You deserved it 336

Thanks dude

By Badabim - 30/04/2018 20:30

Today, five minutes before closing, a customer was taking a bike from the row while I helped someone else. The customer ended up pushing the whole row down and left instantly without even apologizing. It took me about an hour to pick up the bikes and check for damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 618

You deserved it 220

By FreeChocolate - 10/12/2013 01:51 - United States - Marysville

Today, I took my cat to the vet's. When the vet took her temperature anally, I couldn't stop laughing. The vet had to ask me to leave the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 180

You deserved it 47 669

FreeChocolate tells us more.

FreeChocolate 9

Tuesday 10 December 2013 22:17

I didn't expect to be published! By the way, the cat is the one in my photo. To be fair, the vet asked me if I would like to leave while he did it and I accepted. This was also due to the fact that the cat kept trying to climb into my hood because I'm familiar to her. It was just a routine checkup, she was perfectly fine. I don't blame you for thinking I deserved it, I don't deny it was cruel of me to laugh at her. But she just made the most surprised and indignant face and she was running away from him. She actually did hop off the table and try to escape!

WTF are you doing in here?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I drove into a cluster of dustbins thanks to my dozy cat who'd managed to get into my car, fall asleep, and wake up while I was driving to work. I lost control when I was startled by him staring at me in the rear-view mirror. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 012

You deserved it 5 721

Better late than never

By onehundredpercenteffed - 14/08/2009 01:46 - United States

Today, my wife thought it would be fun to bring in one of her girlfriends for a threesome. Because of the friend, I now know what my wife sounds like when she's having a REAL orgasm. Five years and two kids into our marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 600

You deserved it 21 051

By boringhusband - 08/05/2016 14:29 - United States - Salisbury

Today, while at dinner with my wife, she asked me what was on my mind as I stared blankly at the window. "Nothing" was interpreted as, "We are boring, and can't stand each other." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 740

You deserved it 1 534

By pierced - 01/05/2016 17:56 - United States - Marble Falls

Today, I have an infected piercing because I'm allergic to the metal. My ear is so swollen that I can't remove the jewelry. It won't get better until I'm able to remove the jewelry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 825

You deserved it 1 763

Wild Monopoly game tactics

By I hate that game - 23/11/2013 16:11 - United Kingdom - Wigan

Today, I was playing Monopoly with my boyfriend and a few friends. After I bankrupted my boyfriend, he turned to me and said, "I fucked your best friend last night, so who really won?" I turned to the best friend in question, she looked at the board and said, "I'd like to buy a house please." FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 531

You deserved it 4 895

By Calimero0o - 03/08/2018 15:00 - Netherlands - Heerhugowaard

Today, the first day in nearly a year that I had completely to myself, I booked a spa day and a massage. Just after I arrived at the spa, the daycare center called. The baby had a fever and needed to be picked up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 478

You deserved it 318

I'm doing the thing

By Anonymous - 16/08/2018 03:30

Today, I failed a final presentation. My partner, who did none of the research, presented the entire project, talking over me and glaring when I spoke up. He denied everything and the professor didn't believe me. Now I have to retake this class with the same professor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 629

You deserved it 290

By SadOldBag - 23/08/2018 21:30 - United States - Estero

Today, I received the gifts of my period, diarrhea, severe dizziness and double vision, and an ant infestation in my home. These were followed by the glaring absence of any gifts from my husband. Happy 40th to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 241

You deserved it 244

More proof the system is broken

By Anonymous - 27/06/2020 20:04

Today, my younger sister, who lives at home and worked 1 day a week at the gym, got her unemployment card. I work at a hospital, on the frontlines, with COVID-19 patients. I don't get hazard pay. She now makes more than me in a week by sitting at home watching Netflix, while I risk my life every day to help people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 514

You deserved it 254

The Patriarch

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Mentor

Today, my daughter got her first period. Nobody was home but my husband. He didn't know what to do, except give her a sponge to put in her underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 557

You deserved it 4 360

Everyone's a critic

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Cortlandt Manor

Today, I brought my best painting yet to college. I showed it off and everyone loved it. Or almost everyone. When we came back from lunch break, we found someone had sharpied the words "JIZZ BUTT" all over it. That painting took two weeks to finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 983

You deserved it 2 049

By MIB thingy please... - 05/02/2015 01:21 - United States - Oregon City

Today, my date dropped me off at home and briefly met my parents. As he was leaving he whispered into my ear, "I want to feel the inside of your vagina with the outside of my penis." My parents totally heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 022

You deserved it 5 579

Property law

By wtf dad - 22/07/2020 23:00

Today, I asked my boyfriend, who’s a massage therapist, if he could help my mom with her chronic migraines by massaging her head and neck. My dad came home, saw them in the dimly lit room and knocked my boyfriend out cold for "touching his woman." My boyfriend dumped me and wants my dad arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 432

You deserved it 647

And I oop

By porkers gonna pork :\ - 12/03/2016 15:09 - Australia - Elsternwick

Today, I met one of my fiancé's coworkers. Normally I'd never ask how far along someone's pregnancy is without being 100% sure they're not just fat, but she seemed fit. Well, I now know that virtually all the fat in some people's bodies can go straight to their gut and nowhere else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 854

You deserved it 6 388

Loosey-goosey

By knickersdontfit - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was doing my grocery shopping, absent-mindedly wondering if my new diet was working. I got my answer when my panties fell down around my ankles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 392

You deserved it 8 265

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Taco Tuesday is a barrel of laughs until it's time to bid the beans and cheese farewell. Better out than in though, eh?

I agree, your life sucks 814

You deserved it 234

Today, my doctor lectured me for 20 minutes about 'drug seeking behaviour' when I asked for more anti-anxiety medication. I need it because my shithead 15 year-old son found my pills and took them to get wasted. I need the meds in the first place because he's constantly pulling shit like this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 357

You deserved it 187

Today, I had to sit in between two boys on a two-hour bus ride. They were watching a movie and each of them had shared an earphone. They made me hold the phone up so both of them could see the screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 201

You deserved it 1 896

Today, I was following a makeup tutorial on YouTube. The girl said to apply concealer to any "problem areas" on my face. When I was done, 90% of my face was covered in concealer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 334

You deserved it 6 045

Today, my boyfriend informed me that he can't remember the last time he took a shower. He then told me he doesn't see the "need" of taking showers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 211

You deserved it 4 950

Today, I'm insanely hungover from a long night of drinking. I'm going to my nephew's baptism in an hour as his godmother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 205

You deserved it 55 393