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By lemonchips - 12/10/2015 21:28 - Norway

Today, in class I was teaching 6 year olds about the difference between short and tall, and I asked them how they could see that I was shorter than the other teacher. One of them raised their hand and said it was because I'm fatter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 460

You deserved it 2 990

By slicero - 07/12/2016 04:40

Today, I finally got a package for some pieces that my model kit was missing after I had contacted customer services about the problem. The package was still missing a piece. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 071

You deserved it 644

Long time coming

By heaventlyassbutt - 30/11/2016 12:45 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, it's been two years since I graduated with my master's. It's also been the same amount of time since I've been looking for a job. I got an e-mail yesterday from a company for a telephone interview which I was happy about. The day of the interview, my phone is disconnected. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 012

You deserved it 1 021

By Alittlebitiffy - 14/11/2016 12:42 - Australia - Caloundra

Today, for the sixteenth day in a row, my husband slept in the guest room because he doesn't want to disturb the dogs once they've fallen asleep on our bed, so they don't hate him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 135

You deserved it 1 297

By bob7654 - 11/11/2016 02:44 - United States - Arlington

Today, my parents asked me if my girlfriend of two years and I wanted to go see a musical with them. I haven't told them that she broke up with me the day after she met them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 275

You deserved it 2 122

Jailbird

By Donnie - 18/07/2019 06:00

Spicy

Today, I picked up a prostitute. The prostitute was my sister, and I picked her up from jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 587

You deserved it 243

By jwolt92 - 25/10/2016 02:27 - United States - Bourbonnais

Today, I felt something wet and warm on my arm. I looked down and saw a kid with his mouth attached to my arm. Didn't expect that out of a third grader. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 644

You deserved it 708

Helper Blues

By Fat and Embarrassed - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Palmdale

Today, I asked an elderly customer at my work if she needed help with her groceries. She responded, "I normally would, but I'm afraid you'll eat all the groceries." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 231

You deserved it 1 506

By thefuckedupbunny - 18/08/2019 20:00

Spicy

Today, while on the train with my dad, my boyfriend sent me a message. It was a nude, and when I looked, my dad saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 754

You deserved it 910

By MyDeliveriesCanWait - 24/08/2019 02:07

Today, I received the bubble wrap that I'd ordered. When I opened the box, almost every single bubble had been popped. At the bottom of the box, there was a sticky note that said, "Sorry." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 908

You deserved it 144

By subtweetqueen - 09/09/2016 04:18 - United States - Santa Clarita

Today, the 3-year-old I nanny wanted to prove to me that he was tall enough to pee standing up in front of the toilet. When he realized he actually was tall enough, he got excited and misdirected his stream, covering himself, his brother, and me in urine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 545

You deserved it 1 242

Yummy

By Sisi - 29/08/2016 16:49 - United States - Mesa

Today, my roommate left a bomb looking package of cookies on the kitchen counter. My sweet tooth got the best of me and I made that split second decision of, "Oh, I'll just have one." Halfway through it, I noticed the fine print, "For dogs" on the package. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 523

You deserved it 11 366

Justify My Love

By carrie - 09/05/2021 14:00

Today, my husband thinks I don’t love him. Why? Because I won’t poop with him in the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 964

You deserved it 123

By Lady_Luck - 25/03/2009 19:31 - United States

Today, my friend and I were filming football practice and talking about what guys on the team were attractive and who we would want to get it on with. We didn't realize that the camera was recording everything that we said. The tape was played to the entire team the next day. With sound. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 823

You deserved it 126 970

Test failure

By That guy - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Mansfield

Today, I was told that every week the grocery store I work for has a "mystery customer" who shops throughout the store and rates us. Our store has gotten straight 100s for the past two years, and I ruined their streak. Apparently, I was the worst they've ever seen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 806

You deserved it 3 789

Not so normal, no

By grossedoutgirlfriend - 04/10/2019 14:00

Spicy

Today, I came home from work to see a pair of panties I hadn't worn lying on the floor. I picked them up and they were all crunchy. It turns out that while I'm away, my boyfriend uses my underwear as a vessel for his semen. He claims this is normal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 483

You deserved it 386

Mom of the year

By Yuni - 08/10/2019 06:00 - United States

Today, I went to a restaurant that I always go to, and one of the cute waiters gave me a discount. My mother called me a whore in the middle of the restaurant, then slapped me when I cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 582

You deserved it 383

Empathy City

By bald&ugly - 19/10/2019 02:00

Today, after losing all my hair to chemo, I finally felt brave enough to go out without a wig or a headscarf. I expected some weird looks. I didn’t expect a woman in a store to point to me and tell her daughter, “See what feminism does to women? She’ll never have a husband, I bet!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 429

You deserved it 179

By foxfur - 14/07/2016 12:21 - United States - Williamstown

Today, my drinking habit hit a new low when I waited almost an hour to go to the liquor store after it opened because I didn't want to seem desperate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 727

You deserved it 3 964

Nice

By UnluckyInk - 18/02/2013 08:50 - United States - Manlius

Spicy

Today, I went in to get my first tattoo. I'd put a lot of thought into it and was really excited when the day came. Long story short, the Celtic knot I'd gotten turned out to have an alternate meaning of "female sex slave." The faces my very Irish family made were beyond words. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 330

You deserved it 49 773

Richard

By hot sweet.... not - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Renfrew

Today, I was babysitting an 8-year-old boy. He was playing with Play-Doh and made a sculpture that looked like a penis. I tried to cover up and asked if it was an action figure. He looked at me like I was an idiot and said, "It's a DICK." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 702

You deserved it 6 216

Help!

By clip_kate - 01/07/2016 02:36

Today, I went to the store, but after I'd selected my items, I saw that I'd forgotten my wallet. When I tried to explain to the cashier, he thought that I was trying to steal and called the cops. My roommate had to come to the store to save me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 326

You deserved it 1 410

Mysterious

By Wifewithquestions - 26/01/2020 20:00 - United States - Clarksville

Today, I found male enhancers hidden in the back of the car, which I'm assuming are my husband's, but we haven't been having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 718

You deserved it 383

By Iknowitlooksbad - 22/06/2016 05:16

Today, I learned the hard way not to keep my own cash in my pocket while working as a cashier, when I was forced to give $30 to a scamming customer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 471

You deserved it 2 886

Too stupid

By Anonymous - 15/02/2020 01:00

Today, I was picking my nose so aggressively that I flicked a booger right into my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 485

You deserved it 2 311

By black and yellow - 21/01/2013 06:32 - United States - Salinas

Today, I went to see my new dentist. He was really cute, so after the checkup I started flirting. He stopped me right after I asked him out, saying, "Being a dentist has its advantages, I can see the girl's mouth before I stick my tongue in it. And in your case, it's a big no." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 804

You deserved it 45 771

By chazzywazzy654 - 27/05/2016 13:20 - United Kingdom - Northolt

Today, I woke up with intense pain and bruising. It turned out I'd suffered such a rare kind of wrist bone dislocation that the doctors aren't sure how to fix it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 759

You deserved it 1 307

chazzywazzy654 tells us more.

chazzywazzy654 22

Saturday 28 May 2016 16:20

Can't believe this got posted! The consultant dr(who's above the dr who said it was dislocated) reckons that it might not be dislocated, that my wrist is just deformed. Had a massive bruise, I still have it, got a follow up appointment next week, I'll find out more then hopefully

He will

By Elissa Roth Gooden - 06/04/2020 14:00

Today, I actually got to meet actor George Takei. He was really sweet and charming, and I was just thrilled. When we parted, I wanted to say either, "I'll always remember this" or "I'll never forget this." It came out as, "I'll never remember this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 971

You deserved it 405

Boredom

By alhummel21 - 12/02/2009 07:45 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was going down on a girl. When I looked up she was texting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 181 871

You deserved it 52 085

Offensive people work in TV? What a surprise!

By Anonymous - 18/05/2016 14:50 - United States - Frisco

Today, a TV crew filmed my house for a real estate show. They got an actor to pretend he owned the place but wanted to move. The host kept saying how shit my house is, and while talking about me with his producer, he said, "Know how I know he ain't a fag? Fags can actually decorate." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 963

You deserved it 1 190

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The Top

The Top

Today, I realized that I am the only one among my group of friends who names their bowel movements. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 438

You deserved it 60 096

Today, I was called gorgeous for the first time in 4 years. By a robot. A female robot. Who was trying to sell me cosmetics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 486

You deserved it 3 064

Today, I gave my boss a ride home from work. I had my phone on hands-free mode, so all calls would come through on speaker. I got a call from the new job I was applying at, with my boss listening to each word. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 373

You deserved it 6 649

Today, while buying laxatives and really hoping the cashier wouldn’t make some snarky comment, the cashier said, "You know, that’s not a good way to lose weight." I had to explain to him that I’m actually constipated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 079

You deserved it 112

Today, I had to physically force my nephew to change his clothes after he tried to go out in long black jeans, a long-sleeved black shirt and a heavy black hoodie. It’s currently 106°F where we live. Apparently, heatstroke is the new trend, as several of his classmates are dressing the same way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 930

You deserved it 136

Today, my mum was saying she needs to gain weight because she was underweight according to her doctor. She then said she's going to eat like me in order to gain more weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 255

You deserved it 7 434