The Top

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Kids these days, eh?

By child - 10/12/2015 02:24 - United States - Avon

Today, my mom was driving with my brothers and sister in the back seat. She was turned around talking to us, when my sister told my mom that she missed the light. She ran it, then screamed at us about not paying attention and noticing your surroundings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 474

You deserved it 1 566

By MileHighGirlGuy - 14/03/2017 14:00

Today, I almost got upgraded to business class because the gentleman at the check-in was so mortified at having called me "sir" instead of "mam." However, before it could go through, his colleague stopped him, telling me that it was "an easy mistake to make." FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 255

You deserved it 653

By Anonymous - 25/11/2015 17:30 - Switzerland - Corminboeuf

Today, I told my parents I don't really like children and probably won't have any in the future. They sat me down and gave me a lecture on how people who hate kids are heartless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 767

You deserved it 3 772

Weird dude

By Anonymous - 09/04/2019 12:00

Today, I found out that the threatening and insulting messages I received from my boyfriend's "stalker ex" were actually sent by him. Why? Because he cheated and he didn't want to admit it. I'm dating a psycho. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 383

You deserved it 251

By Thatgirl - 14/04/2019 20:00

Today, my grandfather told me I could bring a date to my cousin’s wedding. I said I didn't have anyone to bring. He replied, “That's the saddest thing I've heard all day.” He’s 98. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 028

You deserved it 288

By youknowyoureoptimisticwhen - 08/11/2015 16:45 - Canada - Montr?al

Today, I went to McDonald's. I was unaware of the Monopoly contest that they were holding. I was also unaware that you have to get 3 stickers of the same colour to claim your prize, and that it's not that easy to win a Jeep Cherokee. Taking down my Facebook post was awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 655

You deserved it 20 201

By fucking hate bitches - 24/12/2016 21:27

Today, I realized that the girl I like only replies to my snapchats if I include my dog in the picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 854

You deserved it 1 718

By Degueusement - 18/08/2014 04:48 - France - Puteaux

Today, to spice things up, my boyfriend suggested we wear disguises. Amused by the idea, I accepted. That's how I ended up having sex with Gandalf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 824

You deserved it 11 027

By jackjona - 16/12/2016 06:03 - United States - Sioux Falls

Today, I closed the store on my own for the first time. As I was locking the front door, the key broke. Now half the key is stuck and the door is still unlocked. I have to stay until we open in the morning and I'm not getting paid for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 015

You deserved it 1 076

By WhyGod - 10/12/2016 15:21

Today, I got a diaper rash from a pad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 744

You deserved it 1 056

Waste of time and money

By Anonymous - 09/10/2015 17:34

Today, I found out that what I thought was "acne" is actually an allergic reaction to a cream I've been using for years. I thought the cream was helping me with the breakouts but my doctor says the real acne probably went away naturally years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 511

You deserved it 2 507

Creepy Uncle Dave

By ScandinaviaBacon - 11/06/2019 20:00

Today, I returned from my year-long vacation to Brazil, having lost a lot of weight and feeling better about my self-confidence. When I met my uncle at the airport, I greeted him with a friendly hug. I was greeted by his erection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 845

You deserved it 236

Distracted

By LonelyAngel22 - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, out of curiosity, I took an online test to see if I have ADHD. Halfway through, I got so distracted and bored that I gave up. I guess I know the answer then… FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 737

You deserved it 1 743

Hush

By furious parent - 03/07/2019 18:00

Today, I caught my mother telling my 11-year-old daughter that if she wants to be happy in life, she needs to start exercising now, because fat can creep up on you, and rich guys never marry fat girls with nice personalities. I was fuming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 096

You deserved it 348

By IamHM - 19/09/2015 22:43 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I found my diamond earring, which had gone missing. The vet had to surgically remove it from my dog. Despite having made the voyage through the dog's digestive tract, the earring is more expensive than ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 676

You deserved it 1 920

IamHM tells us more.

IamHM 14

Sunday 20 September 2015 22:37

Bingo! He's a black lab. And apparently likes shiny things.

By Anonymous - 12/07/2019 20:00

Today, my mum came over and helped me sort out my spare room. It was great, we found so many things I'd forgotten I had! Including anal beads. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 663

You deserved it 1 031

Technique

By icandothecancan - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Duncan

Today, while in the yard, my 18-month-old son decided to take off running into the road, where a car was driving. I rushed after him, only for one of my dress straps to suddenly break without warning. It must have looked like I was trying to flag down the driver with my flailing tit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 026

You deserved it 6 279

Parent-sanctioned violence

By Momma - 26/03/2021 13:01 - United Kingdom

Today, my daughter informed me that, in order to train the dumb out of her brother, she’s gonna slap him whenever he says or does something dumb. She’s slapped him 8 times already and unfortunately, each slap was justified. My boy is dumb as a box of rocks. Hope the slapping helps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 592

You deserved it 1 126

Law and order

By Anonymous - 28/08/2015 05:41 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I washed all the dishes and cups from the family dinner last night and put them away. When my wife saw, she had a mini OCD breakdown and yelled at me because the cups weren't lined up with each other with the handles aligned and the flower pictures facing out left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 345

You deserved it 3 290

By tortureromoretorture - 27/08/2015 00:28 - United States - West Islip

Today, after twelve straight hours of work, my fourteen year old son surprised me with a broken window and a cracked TV. He said, "I was swatting away a fly." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 309

You deserved it 1 695

Ewww

By Anonymous - 24/08/2015 17:32 - United States

Today, I was at my summer babysitting job. The family's dog puked on the carpet and I proceeded to clean it up with baking soda and a mix of water/vinegar. Instead of blending in with the other areas of the carpet, the one spot I cleaned is white while the other areas are still darkened by filth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 716

You deserved it 2 393

By Anonymous - 08/08/2019 22:00 - United States - Houston

Today, my mom barged into my room, threw 5 boxes of condoms at me, then said, "So you don't get pregnant". She still hasn't accepted the fact that I'm a lesbian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 929

You deserved it 349

Kinda sus

By JPlays - 13/09/2016 03:31 - United States - Henderson

Today, after days of working with a client on plans for a project, I received a message halfway through completion, saying the deal was off because my prices were "so low, it seems like a scam." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 574

You deserved it 969

By Anonymous - 02/09/2019 02:00

Today, I took my dog for a basic spay and dental cleaning procedure. When I picked her up from the vet, I was reading through the surgery papers before they sent me away. They'd pulled 29 abscessed teeth and didn’t feel the need to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 838

You deserved it 296

Rush hour

By lateforwork - 02/09/2019 14:00

Today, whilst heading out the door to go to work, my lanyard got caught on the doorknob inside, and I watched my keys swing back inside as the door closed behind me. It was locked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 750

You deserved it 257

Soon

By Kilania - 10/09/2019 04:00

Today, my boyfriend was talking about video games. Bored of the subject, I started kissing his neck and chest in hopes of him to stop talking and getting some action. He did stop, only for him to say about a minute later, "You're lucky my games can't do this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 022

You deserved it 868

By notthesame - 18/08/2016 04:45 - United States - San Antonio

Today, my overprotective dad bolted all of my windows shut so that I don't turn out like my sister and sneak out or sneak boys in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 746

You deserved it 1 208

By stupiddog - 15/04/2014 12:08 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my house was robbed. My two 70-pound German Shepherds obeyed me when I told them to attack. They also obeyed the robber when he said, "Sit". FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 390

You deserved it 5 286

Red Sox Nation

By Anonymous - 25/09/2019 04:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend called saying that she wanted to break up because she wasn't into me anymore. Yesterday, I paid $400 to take her to a Red Sox game, so I asked her why she even came with me. She said that she had been talking to her ex-boyfriend, and he said he was going to that game too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 895

You deserved it 161

Assumptions

By Anonymous - 05/06/2021 08:00

Today, my mom walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex. Later, police turned up because mom thought she was underage. I had to desperately prove to some very angry officers that I met my girlfriend at university, and she’s almost a year older than I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 410

You deserved it 195

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The Top

Today, my university fridge is so small that the cucumber I bought doesn’t fit either lengthwise or widthwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 758

You deserved it 83

Today, I went onto the treadmill at my gym. When it prompted me to enter my age I put 27. I'm 29 and am lying about my age to a workout machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 739

You deserved it 38 843

Today, my girlfriend lost one of her rings. I found this out as I overheard her gushing to her friend about how I must have borrowed it to find out what her ring size is. I have zero interest whatsoever in the sick and utterly immoral institution of marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 212

You deserved it 27 652

Today, after dating a guy for weeks, it seemed that we had a lot in common; we also had great time and it started to get serious. Then out of the blue he went cold, told me that he's gonna have an operation, has 5% chance of dying so he doesn't want serious relationship, then ghosted me. He's still alive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 972

You deserved it 152

Today, I was in a store using the only bathroom there. After I was done, I realized I couldn't open the door. Panicked it locked me in, I banged on the door, and screamed for help. The security and a whole group of people gathered, only to find that I was pulling the door instead of pushing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 453

You deserved it 91 626

Today, my parents had a loud argument over who is worse in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 250

You deserved it 2 470