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Split second

By FLIPmcCOOL - 15/05/2014 22:57 - Ireland - Cork

Spicy

Today, I accidentally said the wrong name during sex. That name just happened to be "Sarah", which is both my ex-girlfriend's name and my wife's sister's name. When she asked me which one I meant, I panicked and said, "Both." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 167

You deserved it 60 822

By NoPrivacy - 26/04/2012 10:44 - United States

Today, my boss overheard me singing, "I need a shit, I need a shit" on my way to the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 178

You deserved it 34 759

Scammer

By hail science - 10/09/2019 00:01

Today, I found out that my mother, who's been against me seeking treatment for my cancer, has been going to different churches and charities to get donations for her "poor ailing daughter." I've not seen a dime of this money, and my mom just tells me to pray my cancer away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 019

You deserved it 157

By Anonymous - 24/08/2016 20:27 - United States - Covina

Today, my manager challenged me to make two big sales at work. Seeing as customers spend a lot of money in our store, I decided the challenge was fairly easy and accepted. She immediately started stealing all of my sales. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 592

You deserved it 892

Group Project Struggles

By FML Approved - 21/10/2017 14:30 - United States - New York

Not helping never looked so cute!

I agree, your life sucks 496

You deserved it 105

The Sweet Smell of Success

By let ‘Er rip - 13/10/2019 16:00

Today, I was out on my first date in months. My stomach didn’t feel quite right after dinner, but I tried to ignore it. During the movie, it got so bad I decided to try to sneak a small fart for relief. As soon as I did, the theater fell dead silent. My fart practically echoed in the silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 731

You deserved it 616

Nature is healing

By squirrels69ing - 22/05/2011 01:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was driving back home with my mom when we saw two squirrels having sex in the road. I told her to just honk the horn. She said that I was being selfish, that sex is a beautiful thing, and that we should let them finish. We sat there for at least five minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 057

You deserved it 6 292

By SJDAOisdjlkSADlksda - 02/07/2016 02:37 - United States

Today, I witnessed my sister use some ice cubes on her blistered toes, then quietly return them to the tray in the fridge. I've been putting ice from there into my drinks for weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 889

You deserved it 996

By sayroshi - 30/06/2016 18:29 - United States

Today, my 3-year-old son decided to pull down his pants and pee outside as our local city's parade had just started marching down the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 415

You deserved it 1 337

By yardswoman - 29/06/2016 23:01

Today, I was mowing my yard when I hit a small rock, which hit my shed. I got done mowing and realized that it wasn't a small rock, it was my son's toy plyers and it wasn't my shed, it was my car window, which had shattered on impact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 148

You deserved it 1 732

Kids these days…

By Cindell Hanson - 02/03/2020 05:00

Today, a student told me to fuck off. I work with 3 year-olds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 780

You deserved it 192

Is this Woody Allen?

By ShockedToDeath - 08/07/2021 02:01

Today, I found out my husband got my 22 year-old daughter pregnant. Not only that, he’s drained our savings on her including a new iPhone and Macbook, designer clothes and handbags, etc. His defense, in all seriousness, was, "She’s not even my biological daughter, chill out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 427

You deserved it 173

Desperate

By yourmainman - 28/01/2013 05:03 - Canada

Spicy

Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 980

You deserved it 15 985

Why I did that?

By Anonymous - 29/02/2020 14:00

Today, I was trying to shave down there. I'm about 6 months pregnant, and I can't see past my belly. I ended up scaring the crap out of myself into thinking I was miscarrying until my baby kicked and I realized I had just accidentally cut myself with the razor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 411

You deserved it 862

Hi, bye!

By Hate2Date - 05/04/2010 05:14 - United States

Spicy

Today, fifteen minutes after dinner was served, my blind date said, "It's good that you're smart. Not to be rude, but most girls aren't. I mean, at some point, I'm going to pull my dick out of your mouth and then it's good if you have something interesting to say." Check please. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 910

You deserved it 8 193

Our secret

By Anonymous - 21/11/2019 15:00 - Australia - Bonnyrigg

Today, my mom is 44 years-old, and she is cheating on my dad with my friend who is 19. And she's paying me to keep her secret. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 660

You deserved it 1 066

By methane overload - 19/01/2013 01:32 - United States

Today, while on the bus, the guy sitting beside me let out the vilest and most nauseating fart I've ever encountered, the kind that could retroactively sterilize five generations of one's ancestors with the smell alone. As I gagged, he smirked and said, "That's Taco Bell for ya." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 239

You deserved it 3 836

Accidental homophobia

By Anonymous - 28/05/2016 03:47 - United States

Today, my brother came out on Facebook, with a message including the words "I got nothing against gays. Except my dick!" I replied "Eww!" My second comment, "Eww because of the analogy, lol." disappeared among a load of replies tearing me apart for being a homophobe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 024

You deserved it 3 302

Cold-blooded old times

By Anonymous - 14/04/2020 02:00

Spicy

Today, going through my dead grandma's papers, we found old faded photos. I showed them to my mum, who screamed in shock. They were grandma and granddad's erotic photos from about seventy years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 892

You deserved it 381

By muaythaiboss - 22/05/2016 17:45 - United States - Alexandria

Today, as I was instructing our new third grade students about how our martial arts classes are safer than people think, someone broke their leg right in front of their innocent faces. They saw the bone sticking out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 389

You deserved it 1 077

muaythaiboss tells us more.

muaythaiboss 12

Monday 23 May 2016 13:24

OP here. if anyone is wondering how he broke his leg. he basically got his leg trapped, and when he was thrown, he landed on only one leg. the doctors said it was a pretty clean fracture, so he will be back in 2 months. but needless to say we lost 6 of the 8 students.

By Anonymous - 01/12/2013 06:07 - United States

Today, I reduced my psychologist to tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 342

You deserved it 4 410

By onemonthmyarse - 25/07/2018 14:00 - United Kingdom - Isleworth

Today, it's been 9 months since my home was damaged by a neighbour's gas explosion. The council said it would take a month to repair. I'm still living on my boyfriend's mother's sofa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 330

You deserved it 189

By Jane - 28/04/2016 03:58 - United States - Beaver Falls

Today, my fiancé tells me he loves me about 100 times a day. At first it was cute, but now it's getting really annoying. We can't have a conversation without him throwing in about 10 "I love you"s. I'm beginning to not want to talk to him anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 836

You deserved it 3 077

End of the road

By CANTTAKEMORE - 26/04/2016 22:24 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I seriously considered stepping in front of a car so that I could miss a few days of work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 423

You deserved it 2 983

Understandable

By sweetlilthing - 31/05/2020 17:00

Today, my husband is depressed because the government is relaxing coronavirus isolation and he doesn’t want to have to return to talking to people, or having family drop by unexpectedly, or socialising at all. He prefers being stuck at home as an antisocial Xbox and Netflix goblin FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 245

You deserved it 1 230

By need new job - 24/04/2016 18:12 - Germany

Today, I was hired as a student assistant. I was excited, until I learned on my very first day that "Supporting the academic staff in their research" actually meant walking the professor's dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 442

You deserved it 1 437

By Anonymous - 10/08/2018 03:30 - Norway - Oslo

Today, my friends barged in at 8am with the entire day planned out. Apparently they thought I was bluffing when I said I didn't want a bachelorette party. I've been working overtime for weeks straight and am so exhausted I can hardly handle the planning of the wedding itself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 024

You deserved it 355

By Ana - 14/08/2018 01:30

Today, while fighting with a girl I hate, my nose piercing got a little loose and I ended up snorting it in. That same girl had to take me to the hospital for surgery. She told everyone afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 137

You deserved it 1 180

Quiet please

By mute - 16/04/2016 00:56 - New Zealand - Auckland

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend finally moved out from his parents' house to his friend's flat. Excited that I wouldn't have to be so silent when we had sex anymore, I went over to spend the night. His bedroom is right next to his friend's 4-year-old daughter's room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 139

You deserved it 3 571

By abigiggles - 26/08/2018 22:00

Today, a spider came down from its web in front of my face. This would have been fine and I could have killed it easily if I wasn't in my car. Driving on the highway. I cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 437

You deserved it 350

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The Top

The Top

Today, at the age of 21, I learned that the phrase, “A stitch in time saves nine” is not about traveling back in time and saving nine people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 320

You deserved it 778

Today, my wife and I got into a massive argument after she started a YouTube channel for our young daughter. I explained that I’m not comfortable with god knows who looking at our kid. Apparently, I’m just being paranoid. She’s already recorded our entire house, including my daughter's bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 068

You deserved it 205

Today, my brother-in-law's baby died due to SIDS. I called my mom, hoping to hear words of comfort for losing my nephew at such a young age, but instead she told me to not let something like this scare me into not having kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 886

You deserved it 128

Today, I found out I have to have an operation. This will be the third in 3 years, all for completely unrelated reasons. I'm only 26 and apparently my body is already falling apart at the seams. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 842

You deserved it 152

Today, despite my best efforts to keep my new apartment clean and weeks of denying the complex has a bug problem, I came face to face with a roach in my cupboard. I swear the little bastard waved at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 284

You deserved it 1 593

Today, while I was waitressing, I bent down to pick up a menu and accidentally farted, really loud, at my table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 520

You deserved it 10 831