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By Anonymous - 07/03/2010 00:32 - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's mom for the first time. She pulls out a freezer bag full of condoms and says "I have some cooler ones upstairs, if you want his penis to glow in the dark." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 916

You deserved it 4 613

By Help - 16/06/2018 20:30

Today, it's the 11th day of my migraine. I've drunk enough water to piss crystal clear, eaten every type of food there is, slept for days, and tried every remedy in my medicine cabinet. Nothing made a dent in the splitting pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 935

You deserved it 270

My skin hates me

By allergyssuck - 05/07/2018 20:30

Today, I got a soap that my doctor recommended, because I'm allergic to the vast majority of soaps. After driving 45 miles to the only store that sells it, and paying $12 for a bottle, I found out I'm allergic to it too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 790

You deserved it 300

By SuperWhoMarvLock - 06/05/2016 01:35 - United States - Hibbing

Today, my class went for a hike through the woods near our school to destress during finals. While walking downhill towards the edge of the lake, I tripped and tumbled down the hill, and ended up diving head first into the lake. I had to hike back to the school soaking wet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 700

You deserved it 1 277

SuperWhoMarvLock tells us more.

SuperWhoMarvLock 22

Wednesday 11 May 2016 7:08

Hey, OP here! I'm a girl and a senior in high school. My physics class of 10 had planned a hike to enjoy the warm weather when this happened. Considering how hot it was, I wasn't as bothered as I could've been. The ironic part was how I had stated earlier "If anyone's going to trip and fall off the trail, it's going to be me" as I know myself to be clumsy. Boy, was I right. Everyone did get in a few good laughs, including myself and my teacher. He didn't even look surprised haha. It was definitely uncomfortable hiking back with my soaked jeans and long-sleeved shirt, but I was over it almost instantly and can laugh about it now. Graduation is in a couple of weeks, and I'm glad I'm able to take such hilarious memories with me! Thanks for all the nice and funny comments. :)

By send the army please - 02/05/2016 06:51 - United States - Elizabeth

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend, because her military father, who doesn't like me, continuously threatened my safety for dating her. Now he's threatening to kill me for dumping her. I can't win. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 368

You deserved it 1 559

By SamWGovan - 09/12/2012 16:57 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was sitting cross-legged, idly jerkin' the gherkin. I guess I got slightly carried away, because I zoned out, forgot where I was aiming, and came all over the side of my face, up my nose and into my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 067

You deserved it 66 971

SamWGovan tells us more.

SamWGovan 6

Monday 10 December 2012 21:51

Funniest thing was i started laughing uncontrollably afterwards.

Check this out

By Anonymous - 03/06/2020 17:00

Today, I ran downstairs to meet the Amazon driver and threw on a shirt in a rush. Only after he left did I realise it was my shirt with artful rips in the design and I'd forgot to put on a vest under it. I'd flashed the driver my entire right boob with nipple piercing through one of the holes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 760

You deserved it 1 878

Make it stop

By Ashley Harn - 23/08/2018 18:30

Today, I found out I'm allergic to something in the city water. I've had itchy patches and rashes all over my body, but I can't afford to pay for the filtration system that would solve it. My landlord forbids any modifications to the shower and washing machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 737

You deserved it 159

By Anonymous - 18/10/2013 03:11 - United States - Omaha

Today, I had to take my boyfriend to the emergency room to get stitches from cutting his arm during sex. I sat there while he explained to the doctor how it was the best orgasm ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 296

You deserved it 7 098

By Shock - 21/03/2016 20:12 - United States - Littleton

Today, while working for a hospital security company, I had to assist in restraining a male patient while the nurses put a catheter in him. All I will say is that it looked like a worm trying to swallow a straw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 183

You deserved it 1 644

Crotch shot

By Rash - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got kicked in the crotch by a horse in my backyard. I don't own a horse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 681

You deserved it 3 318

By Kaylz - 07/03/2016 04:35 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I was given a $100 cookbook as a gift by a co-worker. The man who shares a desk with me didn't realise it was mine, as he was at lunch when I got it, so he decided to give it to my boss when he walked in. My boss is refusing to return it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 242

You deserved it 1 470

Pipe down

By Hotdogwater - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, my neighbour put in a noise complaint against me for being loud at midnight. I was having a coughing fit and couldn't breathe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 327

You deserved it 425

Liar, liar

By skanula414 - 31/12/2014 19:00 - Sweden - Malm?

Today, I found out my 7-year-old daughter really did lie about my husband's "other girlfriend" as revenge for being grounded, and that he never cheated on me at all. We're well into our divorce proceedings and he won't forgive me for not believing him when he denied it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 468

You deserved it 49 822

By Ouchmybum - 03/11/2018 12:00

Today, whilst out on a walk with the dogs, I decided to explore a different part of the woods. Suddenly I felt a sharp pain in my bum. Then another. And another. I realised it was wasps and ran. I've been stung 11 times and have to go back tomorrow for the coat I dropped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 585

You deserved it 246

By Alex - 05/02/2016 22:55 - United States - Elizabethtown

Today, my fiancée woke up from a nightmare where I cheated on her. She has so far successfully gotten into my personal and work e-mails, and all my social media. I'm not sure if I'm worse at picking a wife or at picking passwords. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 108

You deserved it 2 984

By doodlecrzyMeg - 04/02/2016 18:56 - United States - Mattoon

Today, I had to hide in the closet all morning because my 22-year-old boyfriend didn't want to admit to his parents that he had his girlfriend stay the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 679

You deserved it 4 275

By LicenseLoser - 13/11/2018 15:30

Today, I received a notice that I'm being fined for failure to renew my Florida license. I've lived in Maryland for the last seven years and I've never had a Florida license. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 002

You deserved it 177

No way

By Anonymous - 22/01/2016 19:31 - United States - Cloquet

Today, my shitburglar of an ex asked me to take him back. He said dumping me was a huge mistake. He dumped me because I was bed-ridden for several weeks and was in no condition to have sex. If his social media is anything to go by, he only wants me back because he couldn't get laid elsewhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 591

You deserved it 1 588

Delivery!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, somebody ordered pizza and sent it to the house across the street from them, so they could shoot at the pizza guy with an air-soft gun from the upstairs of their house. I was that delivery guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 313

You deserved it 2 357

By LadyChristina25 - 05/06/2009 01:07 - United States

Today, I witnessed a horrible car accident and was interviewed by the local news. During the interview I said, "It was terrible. It was like watching a silent movie... but there was sound!" The interview has been aired 6 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 583

You deserved it 81 779

By MBrabs1996 - 19/12/2018 05:00

Today, despite the schedule saying I was off, I found out I’m supposed to be working because my boss changed the schedule without my knowledge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 586

You deserved it 225

By wow, thanks - 18/08/2012 00:39 - United States - Seattle

Today, my family and I went to the movie theater. There weren't enough free seats near the front, so I sat a few rows back with my grandpa. He kept throwing our snacks at my parents' heads all through the movie. He claimed he'd been asleep the whole time, and I'm now grounded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 941

You deserved it 2 374

By Anonymous - 03/07/2019 21:00 - Canada

Today, I was so zoned-out, I shouted a hello to the chair in the staff room. It's the third time today I've mistaken an inanimate object for a person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 296

You deserved it 539

Pranks are evil

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Australia - Adelaide

Today, my sister shaved a chunk of my hair off while I was sleeping. I'm getting married in three days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 825

You deserved it 1 664

By ohtheirony - 10/12/2015 19:49 - United States - Reno

Today, while trying to explain to my friends what an anxiety attack is like, I had an anxiety attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 058

You deserved it 2 197

By Justus Buhler - 03/03/2017 02:00

Today, my girlfriend told me that she had to go to New Hampshire for a few days for her grandma's funeral. Later I found out she spent over $1,000 dollars (on our joint account) to take a vacation with the man she was cheating on me with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 504

You deserved it 721

By Paté - 05/01/2010 04:52 - Ukraine

Today, I found myself completely naked, tied to a chair with a slice of ham on each breast. Note to self: never again let my boyfriend make one of his fantasies come true. FML

I agree, your life sucks 599

You deserved it 144

By Anonymous - 01/09/2011 18:02 - United States

Today, my wife told our six year old daughter that the devil beats his wife whenever there's a rainbow. Now she won't stop crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 763

You deserved it 4 177

By Ali - 17/04/2019 02:00

Today, after drinking a half gallon of liquid laxative in preparation for a colonoscopy, I puked the half gallon of laxative. Out my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 240

You deserved it 230

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The Top

Today, I heard my neighbors having a violent argument in their front yard. I listened in, and soon found out why the wife wasn't happy with her husband. Apparently, she had caught her husband peeking through my windows for the second time this month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 965

You deserved it 2 403

Today, my son is a vegan who keeps talking about how Just Stop Oil are technically the good guys. My wife won’t stop crying because she thinks we’ve failed as parents by raising an arsehole. I've had a migraine ever since this argument. FML

I agree, your life sucks 707

You deserved it 336

Today, the girl of my dreams that I've been dating for months called me. Apparently she's been having recurring nightmares of me cheating on her. She dumped me "just in case." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 493

You deserved it 2 681

Today, I scratched my cornea and have to wear a large bandage covering my eye. I'm off today, but I'll probably have to wear it to school tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 074

You deserved it 5 980

Today, it was my birthday and everyone in the office chipped in to buy me a card, and nothing but a card. It had a pre-written message on it and a space to write "Love, *insert name*" where everyone signed their names. The "Love" was crossed out and replaced with "From". FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 907

You deserved it 5 326

Today, I found out why I’ve been covering most of the bills and the rent. Turns out my boyfriend is paying a very expensive OnlyFans subscription for his female bestie. When I confronted him about it, he responded by yelling, “It’s not like that!” and punched our glass patio door, shattering it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 693

You deserved it 257