The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

By flammaefata - 08/03/2017 11:53 - South Africa

Today, my new job isn't all I expected it to be. It's become clear that the previous girl didn't do her job for 6 months, which means that the international CEOs have gotten involved, and I'm the lucky winner of an in-depth internal audit as a result. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 623

You deserved it 432

flammaefata tells us more.

flammaefata 20

Monday 6 March 2017 21:34

OP here... Woohoo! So there is a bright side to this - my first FML got published! I'll think of all of you next week when I'm being grilled :P And yes, at least I have the benefit of not being to blame for everything that came before me. But that excuse will only last that long, and obviously I intend to be on top of all of this instead of hiding behind someone else's mistakes. Well, back to work preparing for the crazy audit... Btw I'm from South Africa and not USA as it says.

By ModernCindy - 30/11/2015 16:07 - United Kingdom - Cleveleys

Today, I felt like Cinderella. No, I didn't lose a shoe in public. Nor did I dance with Prince Charming. But I did get a visit from tiny wild mice in my home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 008

You deserved it 2 717

By Bapt82 - 07/08/2016 14:35 - Switzerland - Luzern

Today, my sixteen-year-old daughter put her soda in the microwave to “cool it down by making the ice cubes melt faster”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 900

You deserved it 103

By Anonymous - 01/09/2011 18:02 - United States

Today, my wife told our six year old daughter that the devil beats his wife whenever there's a rainbow. Now she won't stop crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 763

You deserved it 4 177

Shiver and shake

By Loserman67 - 01/04/2017 12:00

Today, I spent several hours in freezing drizzle sampling and testing diesel fuel from an above ground, 10,000 gallon tank. Soaked to the bone and shivering like mad, I gave the manager the results. He said thank you and then told me I was at the wrong location. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 563

You deserved it 744

By Andrew - 28/08/2011 22:37 - Ireland

Today, I started my shift as a cop, patrolling the streets on a bicycle. Everywhere I went, gangs of youths yelled stuff out at me, like "Bike twat", "Pig on wheels", "That's a girl's bike you muppet" and "Go on wanker, do a wheelie." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 361

You deserved it 8 622

By randomguy - 09/07/2012 15:09 - United States - Saylorsburg

Today, I woke up after my pregnant fiancée punched me in the face. Apparently, I rolled over in my sleep and knocked her out of bed. She is still pissed about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 999

You deserved it 12 179

By The hopeful - 26/12/2016 08:29

Today, my ex-boyfriend called me. I was really excited, thinking he wanted to get back together. He just wanted to get back the Christmas present he gave me before we broke up so that he could return it for cash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 337

You deserved it 1 034

By sirttocs - 14/05/2019 00:00

Today, my girlfriend asked me if I remembered what I did in my sleep last night. Turns out, in my sleep, I grabbed her crotch and said, “Just making sure you’re not Shae.” Shae is her sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 293

You deserved it 529

By GonnaLockUpMySpices - 30/10/2015 01:34 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my roommate broke into my spice cabinet so he could get high off of my nutmeg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 958

You deserved it 1 837

By Casuallydying - 28/04/2017 04:00

Today, I went into my boss's office to confront her about not consulting me before switching my shifts with someone else. I left in tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 035

You deserved it 595

By PoorGal - 19/10/2015 18:04 - United States - New Orleans

Today, my financial situation is so dire that I tried to steal toilet paper from work. I got caught. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 059

You deserved it 5 807

Well done

By Anonymous - 17/10/2015 11:41 - United States - Mechanicsville

Today, I had to bail my son out of jail, because he's a wimp and wouldn't last a night in there. His crime: pissing through the open windows of passing cars after losing a bet with his friends. I feel like if he gave me grandkids, they'd be born with half a brain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 338

You deserved it 4 304

By peepants - 04/06/2019 14:00

Today, I was in a public restroom with my one-year old. I had no idea he could reach the lock until he opened the door and ran out. In my haste to catch him, I not only peed all over my pants that were still around my ankles, I faceplanted on the nasty, moist bathroom floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 238

You deserved it 342

Fixed

By AnonymousOne - 08/12/2016 10:57

Today, I took my car to dealer because of the loud knocking sound I heard while driving it. Twenty-four hours later, they told me it was fixed. Fifteen minutes after I drove away, the tire flew off my car while I was on the highway. My car is now totaled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 116

You deserved it 644

By Anonymous - 06/12/2016 17:09 - United States - Orange Park

Today, it's the 11th day I've been in the hospital due to my kidneys. My mother has come in every day since to make me feel bad about missing Thanksgiving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 828

You deserved it 675

By Anonymous - 20/05/2017 16:00

Today, I found out that the electricity company can just show up unannounced and cut off my power, but cannot find the meter for a whole 10 days to switch it on again. It's currently dark and 7°C in my bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 024

You deserved it 472

The joys of public transportation

By Anonymous - 24/02/2021 04:56

Today, I was on the subway and there was a guy yelling, "Regret your sins and devote yourself to God right now." Another man got up from his seat and told him, "I work 12 hours a day and all I want is to go home and rest, you shut the fuck up or I'll make you meet God personally." FML

I agree, your life sucks 959

You deserved it 244

By ribx - 17/11/2016 11:24 - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, despite feeling healthier than ever, losing fat, gaining muscle and having perfect blood results, my morbidly obese relatives keep telling me that my new vegan diet is "unhealthy". FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 808

You deserved it 1 474

Freaked out

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, my son was crying and refusing to sleep in his room because a spider ran along the wall, and it's now hiding somewhere. He’s 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 020

You deserved it 544

Let's guess her name

By umm...no - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Keller

Today, I answered a call from a customer. She expected me to exchange her item without her actually having to go to one of our 800+ stores. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 490

You deserved it 823

By gracehi - 10/09/2015 17:45 - United States - San Diego

Today, after studying for hours a day for the past month, sacrificing weekends and time with my husband, I finally took the exam required for a possible promotion at work. Out of over a hundred questions, I only knew the answer to 3 of them for sure. Boy, am I glad I studied so hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 681

You deserved it 4 587

gracehi tells us more.

gracehi 31

Friday 11 September 2015 5:01

YES? I was waiting for someone to say that! I'm guessing you and I are in the same boat. But who knows? Maybe we'll get lucky and we'll both be second classes in a few months.

By BeerSlut - 02/09/2015 21:37 - Portugal - Santa Marta De Penagui?o

Today, my mother called me a slut and unladylike because I prefer beer instead of wine. Apparently, beer's only for "unladylike sluts". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 173

You deserved it 2 174