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By Teacher - 16/12/2015 09:10 - New Zealand - Rotorua

Today, I went for a soak in a mineral hot pool to relax after a stressful day teaching middle school. There were 120 middle schoolers there on a school trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 632

You deserved it 2 055

By DeeZeeMb - 07/12/2015 21:04 - Slovenia - Maribor

Today, my cat managed to digest some of the grass she ate. This makes her poop come out daisy-chained, and sometimes leaves a piece dangling from her ass on a string of grass. Then she runs around like crazy until it falls off, if possible on my bed. I had to catch her and pull it out by hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 082

You deserved it 2 378

DeeZeeMb tells us more.

DeeZeeMb 21

Tuesday 8 December 2015 11:20

When this happens, and it's a regular occurance, she goes crazy. She starts to run, then drops her ass on the ground and slides a little, decorating my flor with streaks of poop.

By Disappointed - 09/03/2019 18:00

Today, my brother came up with what he thought was a genius idea for how to make money. I then had to explain to him that insurance fraud is illegal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 390

You deserved it 182

Bloggers gonna blog

By Anonymous - 23/02/2022 18:00

Today, I found out my boyfriend has an online blog that he updates every time we have sex. It’s ridiculously detailed, right down to the slight difference in the pink of my vagina and the slightly darker pink of my asshole. He's a dead man when he gets home from work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 973

You deserved it 214

By Anonymous - 17/03/2017 12:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, something in my shoe was bothering me at work. After about 30 minutes, I finally had a chance to fix it. There was a squashed lizard in my shoe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 927

You deserved it 540

By Adam Gordon - 30/03/2017 14:00

Today, I received a Snapchat of a horse-drawn carriage version of a hearse. I replied, "That's so extra!" because I thought it was finals week at her school. Turns out, she's at her uncle's funeral. He was an officer in the Air Force and there's going to be a 21-gun salute in his honor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 188

You deserved it 2 117

By CyberHex305 - 01/04/2017 16:00

Today, I went to Men's Warehouse to pick up my tux. They mistakenly set the pick-up date for the 30th of next month. My prom is tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 125

You deserved it 505

You what now?

By small dick energy - 02/05/2019 04:00

Today, I found out just how much of a psychotically insecure nitwit my boyfriend is. He flew into a screaming rage that I was only adding cucumbers to my water and my meals lately to insinuate that he has a small penis. Yeah, I’m confused too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 696

You deserved it 262

There you are

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, at an aunt's wake, my five year-old son walked up to the coffin, and, with the whole family around him, exclaimed, "Well that's good, I was wondering where she's been." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 574

You deserved it 3 644

By I hear everything... - 22/04/2017 18:00

Today, I can now identify which of my four roommates is using the washroom, based on their grunts. I just love having a bedroom beside the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 099

You deserved it 307

By notyourmom - 11/06/2013 12:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my boyfriend asked if I could grow out my pubic hair since I usually wax it. He said his mom has a full bush and he always thought it looks better that way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 93 033

You deserved it 7 817

By eeh - 07/05/2009 14:45 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. I really get off on hearing her say my name so I was imagining her doing so more often than she actually was. I then called out my own name by accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 660

You deserved it 103 547

By Liz - 30/04/2017 21:00 - Colombia - Bucaramanga

Today, I sent a message to my boyfriend saying that I missed him and love him very much. When I received a response, saying that he loved me and missed me too, I noticed that I had accidentally texted my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 707

You deserved it 5 305

Gross

By seriously_CAT - 21/10/2015 02:26

Today, I had to try to convince my roommate that, yes, you do need to use dish soap when you hand wash dishes because of bacteria in old food. She still won't believe me, insisting that, "There's no such thing as bacteria in food." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 685

You deserved it 1 630

By vanillapudding6 - 14/10/2015 01:21 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my mom and dad went to court to negotiate child support for me and my brothers. During the meeting, my dad was asked, "Sir, are you saying that the only reason you want your sons to live with you full time is so you don't have to pay child support?" To which he responded, "Yes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 291

You deserved it 1 582

You can't say anything these days

By Ashley Marshburn - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my 4 year-old daughter walked into my home office and said, "Fuck you!" Then she ran to my husband and said, "Did I say it right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 611

You deserved it 5 387

Catch 22

By Jobless - 10/12/2016 03:35

Today I was fired from my job. They fired me because they couldn't work around my college schedule. The only reason they hired me was because they were looking for college students and without a job I can't go back to school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 344

You deserved it 620

By KereKris - 01/12/2016 19:18

Today, I wrote a bad review for a pizza place after their pizza gave me food poisoning. Now, they won't stop calling me, begging me to take my review down in exchange for free pizza. I have tried to tell them that I wouldn't eat their pizza again even if I got paid to do so, but they won't listen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 619

You deserved it 1 402

By Till We Pass Out - 03/10/2015 15:30 - United Kingdom - Halifax

Today, I was pushing so hard to take a number two that I ended up passing out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 677

You deserved it 5 311

By Enslaved - 15/11/2016 08:40

Today, I told my long-distance friend about the flooding in Florida due to the Supermoon. He's a Flat Earther and despite proof, denies the coincidence because he believes the moon and gravity aren't what we're taught. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 608

You deserved it 1 312

By MedHistory - 15/09/2015 20:40 - Canada - Laval

Today, I decided to give a break to my students halfway through my three hour lecture. The break became the end of the lecture, because nobody came back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 309

You deserved it 4 660

Stop right there

By wtfmama - 04/05/2013 12:51 - United States - Hudson

Today, I walked into the living room to find my 11-year-old daughter about to kiss her "not my boyfriend" on the lips. When I asked what she thought she was doing, she peeled a piece of scotch tape off her lips and said, "It's okay! We're using protection." FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 212

You deserved it 11 256

By Lulu - 16/07/2017 00:30

Today, the first day of my 4-day weekend, I fell off my scooter. I'll have to spend the rest of my vacation bandaged and away from water. I'm on a beach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 135

You deserved it 706

By One_Wheel_Wonder - 06/10/2016 15:36 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I finally bought my first car after saving around £5000 and finding an absolute bargain that ticked all the boxes! Today was also the day of my first ever car accident, resulting in the car being written off by an uninsured driver. I had it less than 9 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 873

You deserved it 1 088

One_Wheel_Wonder tells us more.

One_Wheel_Wonder 1

Monday 24 October 2016 14:24

OP here! I had insurance on the car, I did it over the phone the day before I collected the car so I was all legal to drive it. The guy who hit me had no insurance on his car, and was promptly taken away by the police who were called to the scene by a passing motorist. It was a head-on collision caused by the other driver, so I'm not at fault. My car is what my insurance call "a total loss" so it's beyond economical repair and wouldn't be safe to be back on the road anyway. My insurance company are going to deal with all the valuations and payouts (I can get a payout on the value of the car) but it's just such a shame as the car was super-low mileage, factory-spec, high-specification and in MINT condition. It was a car I'd always wanted but alas, it was not meant to be! No serious injuries to report, couple of cracked ribs from the impact/airbags and bruises but I was able to walk away from the accident, which is a plus. Not sure what affect this will have on my insurance premiums though, but time will tell.