The Top

OP here! I did follow store policy. People could not go to our restroom. That’s because the restroom is inside the stock, next to our safe. We could not keep an eye on them, so it is possible that they could steal from us. Althought we would never refuse a child or a pregnant woman. This lady took of her pants and underpants. When she left the fitting room, she acted like nothing happend. We did give her something to clean it up.

Just great

By Sadginger - 21/12/2015 23:45 - United Kingdom - Redhill

Today, the man I have been in a long-distance relationship with for two years told me he has been cheating on me for six months, and that he's leaving me for her. I'm due to fly out to see him next week on a non-refundable ticket. He insists that, "We can still hang out, just not have sex." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 386

You deserved it 2 265

By sharee - 19/12/2015 20:51 - United States - Providence

Today, my father-in-law asked me if I have breast implants in front of the whole family for the third time this month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 341

You deserved it 2 132

Burn unit

By Anonymous - 28/01/2019 18:00 - United States - Arcade

Today, I woke up with a horrible UTI after having sex with my fiance the night before. I went to an urgent care to get antibiotics as my primary was closed. Turns out, I'm allergic to condom lubricant. Now every time I pee, it not only burns, but smells like a nasty condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 533

You deserved it 222

By vegantreegirl - 04/02/2019 20:00

Today, I was using the restroom at work when my glasses slipped off my face and landed right in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 507

You deserved it 341

By Suzie - 18/02/2019 16:00

Today, the family posted my mother in law’s obituary. My husband was listed as a survivor, with no mention of me, while all the other spouses were named. Also listed as a survivor - his ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 578

You deserved it 232

By shitlicker - 08/12/2015 04:38 - United States - La Verne

Today, I lost my balance trying to get my bag out of my car. In doing so, my lips came in contact with some bird poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 200

You deserved it 2 148

Growing old disgracefully

By adam - 05/12/2015 14:54 - Czech Republic

Today, my dad is having his midlife crisis, bought a Mercedes, along with having a girlfriend less than half his age. I was trying to be supportive, until I found out he is funding his midlife crisis with my university loan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 297

You deserved it 1 571

Let em in

By Sleepy - 19/03/2019 20:00

Today, at 2:30 a.m. I got locked out of my room. I knocked upstairs to get my landlady to give me the spare key. Instead, I woke up the dogs next door who wanted to kill me, so I hid for 5 hours in the enclosed trampoline with some outdoor blankets. They were covered in animal piss. It rained. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 093

You deserved it 705

By clkoko - 27/11/2015 02:47 - United States - Buffalo

Today, I noticed that the eye drops I have been using three times a day for the past week expired when the Jonas Brothers were popular. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 461

You deserved it 5 593

Or he's a drug mule?

By jlujan00 - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I cleaned up the dog poop from around the back yard. This is how I discovered that my dog's favorite snack appears to be used condoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 522

You deserved it 3 070

By JellicleCat - 24/04/2019 20:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I met the man of my dreams. Insane click. He’s just as in love with me. He’s also got a condition I research in my job. It’s literally unethical for us to date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 529

You deserved it 359

By xloverin - 14/11/2015 16:23 - Slovakia - Bratislava

Today, I remembered that the concert I bought tickets for over a month in advance was yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 175

You deserved it 12 171

By CSPKrissi - 04/04/2017 04:00

Today, we got a new window washer in my office : a three-year-old, who decided the best tool for the job was his tongue. I'm the only one in the office willing to touch a bottle of glass cleaner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 261

You deserved it 404

By Dumped - 06/04/2017 14:00

Today, at work, I went to place a small item on a shelf. The shelf fell on me, trapping my hand. While lifting it, the top shelf fell against my chest and the products all dumped on my face. I then realized the shelves were only held up by zip ties. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 875

You deserved it 374

Nice try, Sharon

By Anonymous - 23/06/2013 10:38 - United States - Fountain Valley

Today, I decided to go buy myself a dildo to use on my lonely nights. Once at the adult store, I also grabbed a birthday card to make it seem the dildo wasn't for me. At the register, the cashier looked at me and said, "For God's sake, save yourself some money. I already know it's for you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 693

You deserved it 25 633

Move!

By Anonymous - 07/05/2009 19:11 - Italy

Today, I was walking to class with my roommate. She didn't notice the car coming up behind her because her headphones were in. As I pulled her out of the way, she thought I was goofing around and shoved me back... in front of the car. I got hit and rolled off the hood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 129 410

You deserved it 6 583

Pile on

By BoCoMoGal - 13/05/2017 04:00

Today, my phone reset, wiping the touch ID on my credit card. I can't remember the password so I'm locked out. I tried "Forgot password", but you need to have the physical card. The card is tucked away in the bank lock box. The key to the lock box is packed in one of the 150 boxes we have prepped to move. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 847

You deserved it 2 497

By sciencetime - 10/12/2016 11:33

Today, I had environmental science class. My teacher doesn't believe humans are affecting climate change or that we should protect endangered species. He slants class discussions so now all my classmates agree with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 203

You deserved it 1 132

By INside - 02/08/2011 04:52 - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided it'd be funny to create a "place" on Facebook for my vagina. Now he "checks-in" every time we have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 111

You deserved it 10 743

So similar

By StillLoveMyDogs - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, I went to reach for a long piece of lint next to my dryer. It was a snake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 340

You deserved it 2 401

By smart move there - 16/05/2012 16:10 - Ireland - Naas

Today, I had to collect my daughter from the hospital. Her boyfriend was even more upset than she was, because his iPhone's screen was damaged beyond repair when the doctor pulled it out of my daughter's vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 622

You deserved it 5 082

By AgentKoos_99 - 11/10/2016 07:52 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, after waiting 3 months to see if I got the job I had applied for, I was told that they never received my application. Turns out that the email address that they told me to send it to was not being checked anymore and that they would be happy to consider me for the following year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 033

You deserved it 1 362

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The Top

Today, a classmate at college accused me of stalking her. All because I walked past her house. I was walking to the supermarket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 248

You deserved it 1 202

Today, a coworker informed me that she thinks I may be descended from a race of goblins, because of my squat stature, ugly face and hairy arms. She was being completely serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 516

You deserved it 2 282

Today, I had to get the manager of a grocery store to explain to his employee how coupons work. The employee had refused to accept the coupons I was using, for fear that, "they will be deducted from my paycheck." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 195

You deserved it 2 177

Today, I was hosting a pool party, when my husband and his friends got the bright idea of lighting one of the party balloons on fire. Needless to say, it immediately exploded. In shock, he jumped back straight into me, sending me and my $400 cell phone splashing into the pool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 510

You deserved it 6 659

Today, my new wife and I got back from our honeymoon. Her parents had dropped our wedding gifts off at our apartment, but didn't lock the door. We came home to start off our new life together to a wrecked apartment and no gifts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 438

You deserved it 3 028

Today, my parents spent more time, money, and effort on my boyfriend's birthday present than they ever have on any of mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 584

You deserved it 195